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â€"â€"If your husband brings you home a $60 pair of fur cuffs, don’t worry for fear they are not fashionable. You can wear them at either a wedding or a funeral. â€"“ Dublin”â€"â€"No, it doesn’t require a man witha. car-load of brains to stand behind a hoteLcounter, and wear an alleged diamond, and not know anything. â€"-Mr. Emil Cliff, of Ann Arbor, killed him- self with laudunum, when it would have been â€"-Susan B. Anthony can lecture for three straight home in a hall and then go out and jaw a. bachelor for forty- five minutes without straining her lungs. â€"1‘11e best horse- sheer in Cedar Rapids, Ia , is a woman aged 25. When a muiekpicks at her he finds himself on his back and can ’1; tell how it was done. â€"Everything produces after its kind. Love begets love; offices of love. produces offices of love; smiles, smiles ; gentleness, gentleness ; activity, activity. â€"-“Cou]dn’t you lend me $55 ?" “Yes, I could, but I won‘t.” “Then do you think I wouldn’t pay you back?” ”Yes, you would, but you couldn’t.” â€"A New York brewer said he could tell an honest man by looking into his eyes. Re- sult: His bookkeeper beat him out of $12,000 in one year. 'â€"â€"“ 71f the Lord smiles on me,” declared an enthusiastic youpg convert at a recent meet- ing,“ I care not though the whole world Snickers.” â€"Every word uttered in this life is echoed in the life to come. In the resurrection we shall meet these echaes, and they will decide our fate forever. â€"â€"The chief resemblance between a locomo- tive and a euchre player 15, that while one sometimes Jumps the track, the other trumps the jack. â€"Magistrateâ€"â€"“Y0ur profession .9" Elegant manâ€"“Artist in hair.” Magistrate~“Exâ€" press yourself more clearlyâ€"barber or brush- maker ‘2” 4The other day a barrel of hickory nuts, addressed to Prince Schwartzenberg, Vienna, Austria, passed through on the Canada Southern. â€"There is it difference, you must know. Atwixt the Yankee girl and Greek, The one she chulks her dainty heel, The other paints her dainty check. â€"The Sub-Committee on engines is pre- paring its report and everything points to an interesting time at the Council meeting Mon- day night. â€"’.[‘he most fashionable jewelry is always that which costs the most money. Pin this to your sleeve and it will save many in- quiries. â€"-Don’t play witlllthe devil when you are young lest you have to work for him when yofi. ‘are old. â€"The Chicago Tribune has discovered that u petrified body indicates that the man 15 stone aead. Vâ€"~An English writer says of mannish girls that he expects soon to find them trying to enter the army. â€"The habits of fruit are peculiar ; we have seen a raisin box, fig drum and an apple stand all day on the street. â€"Most any grocer‘s clerk can sell at least four brands of chewing tobacco out of a pail hidden under the counter. â€"No woman should ever give a plump “no" to an ofier of marriage. Hold on to even a poor 9119 and use it for bait. â€" â€"â€"A thorough man of the world is one who can shake hands cordially with a. friend whom he has just blackballed at a club. “When aboy becomes ashamed to sit in his mother’s lap, he is generally in business for himselfâ€"holding some one in his lap. â€"Y0ung writerâ€"You have chosen an ex- cellent 7mm dc plume for your first effusion, “ Euripides,” for you rip idecs all to pieces. â€"Both Hanlan and Courtney seems to be champions when it comes to backing water. -â€"Some people judge an umbrella by the handle. The best way is to tickle it in the ribs. â€"The New York World speaks of the “tire” of a man’s ear. We see the irony of that remark. â€"A correspondent wants to know what to do when a dog shows signs of hydrophobia. Climb a tree. â€"Everything is made to contribute to the sustenance of the American people. Even the oyster has to shell out. eIt is the easiest thing in the world to discover all the grease spots in a man’s coat when you don’t like him. â€"Coal oil has been discovered in Peru, and there will, consequently, be a dearth of ser- vant girls in that country. â€"All the old jokes about Alfonso's first wedding were warmed over and did duty a second time for the last few weeks. â€"â€"Legnlb1anksâ€"Poor lawyers. -â€"-Best when rareâ€"Family broils. â€"Rifle practicefiPicking pockets. â€"A nightmare is a, sort of cap a pie arrange- ment. â€"Glass eyes for horses are now so skilfully made that the animal himself cannot tell the difference. â€"â€"â€"The Cincinnati Gazette has two of the prettiest fall libel suits on hand to be had in thé market. â€"â€"01d maids think it’s never too late to mend. -â€"A clock pendulum is bound to keep time if it has to swing for it. â€"The Czar’s loving subjects desire to give him a blowing up occasionally. â€"â€"“I’ll meet you 1ater,”was what the butcher said to a. dog just brought to his shop. â€"Guelph Mammy: It is unseemly of any minister to make a bulletin board of his pulpit. â€"-â€"“ No place like comb,” as the bee said to the honey. â€"â€"A hot discussion frequently makes a cool friendship. â€"The man who walks fastest hasn’t the most business. â€"Motto for the firemanâ€"Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be blistered. â€"-The man who borrows five dollars is still suffering from the panic of of ’73. â€"The gas man, when courting on the sly, says : My lamb, post. me if there is danger. â€"‘Waiters frequently praise kinds of feed which they never in their lives tasted. â€"Fashion noteâ€"This winter oysters will be Worn about the stomach, scalloped. â€"â€"As his house is 800 feeti above the sea Tennyson is enabledto live 11 high style]. ‘ -â€"â€"P. Mm‘raJ. Athyg‘lfignk, Hamilton, 0116., Dec‘ 10, 1879. ' â€"Let us, then, be up and clipping, With an eye for every jest ; Still a-pusting, still a-snipping, Fill our paper with the best. Be not overcome With sorrow, He is waiting at our door; Never wait until tomorrow, Think on all the sins He bore. God is love. who still endures us Day by day in guilt and sin: Jesus by his blood Secures us, - "Como,”Ho saith, “and enter in.” May the blessed, Holy Spirit, Draw us in the bonds of love. To the land the just inherit In the Paradise above. -.....~ N, To chi; éb'ifi’s a}? earth that be. Suffer not procrastination In your never dying soul, While the joy of your salvation Is as free as rivers roll. Let the nets of your beha‘vior Be according to the “Word” Offered by our blessed Saviour, He, who is our God and Lord. , , , N ., ”my”. To-morrow we may ngver see Emmi V n sqlemn fact 18, Our til 9 to not isâ€"dnily practice 1" DUTY. COMIC BUDGET â€"The strangé case is reported from Ohio of a middle-aged man, well dressed and well mannered, Who has been trying for nine months past to remember who he is and where he livesâ€"thus far without success. â€"Tho Cincinnati Gazette irreverently per- petrated the following : There was an old lady, Van Cott, Who made her last sermon so hot That the house took afire, And [L mun in the choir Cried out in his anguish, “ Mein Gott !” â€"There is great complaint up in Maine that the Signal Service at Washington doesn‘t furnish them with accurate reports. A Port- land man says a dry spell was indicated one Week, and he had more invitations to drink that geek than he could possibly? fill. â€"“ How far," asks an exchange, “ will bees go for honey .9” The answer to this conundrum is unknown to us, but it is a well known fact that a bee will go miles out of its way for the purpose of stingmg a, barefooted boy on the heel. â€"To be Sheriff of acounty in Eastern Ken tucky a man wants to be right and left handed brave, watchful. sleepless, enduring. anti have grit enough to sit down and dig bullet out of his leg with an old jack- knife. â€"John Milton is the senior surgeon at St. John’s Hospital for the Skin, in London. We judge from this that the sale of John’s poems were not a success, and he has abandoned the poetical business for something more re- munerative. 'â€"“ Never mind me, save my boy," was what old Samuel Mosely, a miner,yelled while buried under a mass of coal with his son at Wadesville shaft, near Pottsville, Pa. The boy was saved and the old man crushed to death. " 011! while she Is Wife to me, Is life Worth living Mr. Mmllock ‘2” â€"A little boy of four was sleeping with his brother, when his mother said : “ Why, Tommy, you are lying right in the middle of the bed ; What will poor Harry do ‘2 ” “Well, man,” he replied, “ Harry’s got both sides.” â€"All our exchange newspapers have this singular paragraph : “Texasboasts of a man born without a brain.” Now, why should Texas boast of such an everyday occurrence as that? -â€"An advertiser in 9. New York paper re cently demanded “a good, strong boy to work on bread and cake.” The advertiser got him â€"â€"and might have had a thousand more for the same job. “ ’Tis mther neat upon her feet A pair of skates to find; ’Tis rather dreur upon her ear When skates slip up behind.” â€"Pressed ferns make a very nice table ornament, but they won’t save a single ounce of butter with the children. A small picture- book at each plate will answer the purpose much better. â€"â€"The leading character in a new play in a London theatre asks : â€"The common brown owl’s head is the fashion of the moment for trimming the side of hats, instead of the pompon, which has been so long popular; an owl’s head is also fastened to the muff which is worn with the hat. â€"“ Two ladies without any character. '” was the loud announcement of a. stupid usher at a fancy ball, who had been told to announce persons in the character assumed. and who saw that the ladies were in ordinary attire. -â€"Can any one tell, asks an exchange, why av drayinan will wollop a barrel of molasses around as if he wanted to burst every hoop, and then almost break his back to lift aber- rel of brandy to a safe position. â€"How is this for tone ? She gave her haughty head a shake. The castor oil refused to take. With an aristocratic shrug Called it IL vile plebian drug, Fit only for working people. â€"A Philadelphia woman swallowed $375 in greenbacks rather than let her grandson get hold of the pile and have a. good time ; and though she was awful sick for three days Providence carried her through. â€"“Which side of the street do you live on, Mrs. Kipple ?” asked a counsel cross-examin- ing a witness. “On either side. If you go one way, its on the right side ; if you go the other way, it’s on the left.” â€"â€"He Whotravels with his eyes open can- not fail to see that others, as well as himself, have their discomforts and drawbacks, and he will thus be all the more disposed to meet his own with :1 brave spirit. cheaper and much better to throw himself ofl the last half of his name. â€"Burglmrs Worked all night 011 a safe in Cayuga. N.Y., and got sixty-five cents for the job. Things don’t boom half as much as some folks try to make out. â€"The idea. of teaching a. girl music because she may some day have to depend on herself is a good one. If she had to depend on her- self and know how to make her own dresses it would be outrageous. â€"It is announced that Prince Alexander of Bulgaria writes for the newspaper. Wonder If he meets With any Bullyâ€"garian atrocities like Tom Baine out there. â€"-Lawyer (to witness): “Did you say that an incompetent man could keep a. hotel just as well as anybody ‘2” Witness : No, I said an inn-experienced man could.” “You just take a bottle of my medicine,” said a quack doctor to a. consumptive, “and you’ll never cough again.” “Is it. so fatal as that ?” gasped the consumptive. â€"Four per cent. of the men in the United States are colorâ€"blind, and Women seem to have only these four-per-cems. in mind when they daub their faces with paint and powder. â€"An unknown man was killed by the cars at Stratford the other day. The contents of his pockets, sixty cents and a pair of scissors, would indicate that he was connected with journalibmJ â€"â€"The Detroit Free Press says one hand- some girl in the country will draw men “from a circle ten miles square.” Our esteemed contemporary appears to have succeeded in “ squaring a. circle.” â€"The question is not: “ Will he love me when the roses bloom ‘2” but : “ Has he got a pacer and cutter, and mum take me along when he goes to clean out the boys?” â€"What is statesmanship 7” asks the Chlcago Inter-Ocean. Statesmanship, we beâ€" lieve, is the peculiar gift. some men have of robbing the Government withoutbeing caught. â€"Why an advance in lard should enhance the price of butter is about as difficult a problem as the true inwardness of the con- nection between the price of milk and a water famine. â€"Advcrtisers at this season of the year should hear in mind that the SPECTATOR has a larger circulation in Hamilton and surâ€" rounding towns and villages than any other paper, Nuff oed. â€"When the heel of a shoe has been pared down to the size of a. knitting-needle, the whole female world will be happyâ€"very happy, and instead of the word “ gait ” you will see the term ”Wobble.” â€"Il is sn1d1f you sit down when assailed by a. ferocious dog the beast will not touch you. But the judicious man will select as high a seat as possible -»at the top of a tall tree, for example. â€"Wiuter throws away half its strength to bluster. He’d live just as long to send down seventeen feet of snow in December and then lay back and get ready for his March howl- ing. â€"Since silk, it has been discovered, causes spontaneous combustion, young men should never hug a girl even in a dark parlor without having a bucket of water within reach of the sofa. â€"-â€"The fashion of putting 650 buttens down the back of a dress has disappeared, but they now use 1,300 hooks and eyes on the front. and a man can’t lay up a. dollar to save his llfe. - â€"When next you hear any one remark that youth is the spring-time of life, just re- mind him that spring is full of slush, mud, snow, rain and lickiugs for going to the first circus. l Chief of Police Griffiths, of Brantford, is 1 making a diligent search for information con- cerning an alleged scion of nobility, who is described on printed postal cards which are being distributed. as “ a young man calling himself Phelian Clinton, who represents himâ€" self as a nephew of the Duke of Newcastle, or any otherEnglisll nobleman. He is 27 years of age, 6 feet 2 or 3 inches in height, faircom- plexion, dark brown hair, smooth face, wears low shoes and legging from the habit, as he stated. acquired as a cavalry officer in the British army.” It is evident that this Phelian has been victimizing some people in Brantford. From the above description the St. Catharines Journal is of opinion that Phelian is no other than a certain Lord Arun- del, who visited that city two or three weeks ago. and who tried to raise the wind for a trip to New York by a loan of $20. All this would seem to indicate that the individual referred to is a sort of high-toned beat. 1 The practice, which is sadly too prevalent among schoolmasters and schoolmistresses of “boxing the ears” of their pupils, has been frequently shown to be a dangerous one, and probably many more injuries result from it than are ever heard of or ever suspected. A blow on the head may easily produce fatal injuries, and a lesson on this point well worth the attention of hasty-tempered teach- ers is conveyed by the evidence given in this case of a man who was tried this week at the Central Criminal Court for manslaughter. The case, as the counsel for the prosecution truly stated, was remarkable in .its surgical aspects. The deceased man was a gate- keeper at some paper mills at Wandsworth. The prisoner went there on the 25th of Au: gust to seek employment. As he was com- ing out the deceased refused to let him pass through a gate known as the “traffic gate." The prisoner, however, watching his oppor- tunity, managed to pass through the gate and as he did so the deceased kicked him. The prisoner then struck the deceased, but whether , with his fist or open hand was not clear. The deceased fell down, and although he bled ‘from the mouth, was able to give evidence against the prisoner on the 8th of September. He died, however, on the 15th of that month, his death resulting from hemorrhage caused by the severance of an artery in the mouth, and strange to say the artery had been di- vided by a piece of fractured bone, his jaw having been broken by the blow he had re- ceived from the prisoner. The jury having returned a verdict of guilty, the Judge said that he would not inflict any punishment in the case, but simply directed the prisoner to come up for judgment when called on. In the meantime, the story shoWs thata “box on the ear” may kill a man. â€"â€"There is a German society which rejoices in the title of the Worstenbroodmaatschap- pijen, translated, Sausage Bread-Maker’s Society. The test of membership is the pro nouneing of the name of the society with a. piece of boarding-house beef between the teeth; without reducing it to sausage meat or breaking the candidate’s jaw. THE THRE E BIRDS . â€"] said to the dove, Thou canst fly above me, (in where the corn fields are, And find me the flower that will make her love me; The dove saidâ€"’Tis too far. I said to the eagle, Heaven is before thee. Help me t Win her and die; Go fetch me the fire of Jove, I implore thee ; The eagle suidâ€"‘Tis too high. I said to the vulture, Tear out and devour Her love in my heart ; to 10110 fate Leave only What has escaped her power ; The vulture saidâ€"’Tis too late. â€"A detective went down to Aldershot to search the ranks of a militia regiment for a criminal who was “wanted” Up and down went the investigator, till at last he stopped opposite the left-hand man of the rear rank, and looked hard at him. “ Come,” said the colonel, his dignity and espritde corps not a little ofiended, “ this can’t be the man you went surely? He’s the best man I’ve got in the regiment. You don’t mean to say you know him ?" “ No,” replied the detective after a pause,” I don’tâ€"he’s the only man in the regiment I don’t know, and I was wondering where he come from I” THE MILLER/S WOOING. ” Love meal little, love meal long," Song the dusty miller To his wheat art, and his song Did a. maize and thrill her. ” Bid me barley hope ; Oh ! give Me one grain of comfort ; I would out on thee and live Holding on to some fort. “ In your ryes new love looks shine ; There rice cereal pleasure ; 0h! hominy joys are mine Filling up my mensure.’ “ Game the 111 aiden’s cornfull laugh At the miller fawning, ” You can winnow girl with chefi~ Sir ! to you good morning.” â€"One month 1n the school of affliction 1s a, big lesson, but if you want to make a man feel mean enough to chaw door- knobs ofi, lock him up for two days a Witness in an assault and battery case that he don’ t know anything about. «John Burroughs says in Scribner: “ I smile as I note that the Woodpecker proves a refractory bird to Lowell as well as Emerson : Emerson rhymes it with beer, Lowell rhymes it with hear, One makes it woodpeckuir, The other, woodpekenr. â€" Sophronia, Melissa was gliding down J ames street the other afternoon,with :1 Derby hat on and carrying her hands in the pockets of her long ulster, when a small boy ran up and said, “ Say, Miss, if yer had a. cigar now, you’d be all right, wouldn’t you ?" â€"“ ‘ Four Jacks 1' a beerdless youth exclaimed, ‘ Is a. hand we all esteems, But ‘tnint at shudder to this 'ere, By gum! I have got four queens.’ “But a. quiet mannered gentleman W'ho opened not his lips, Exposed his little ‘ royal flush,‘ And stowed awzw the chips.” â€"â€"Ebenezer Elliott, the English “Corn law rhymer,” had the following opinion of Communists: What is a Communist? One who hath yearnings For equal division of unequ [Ll earnings ; Idler or bungler, or both, he is willing To fork out his penny and take up your shilling â€"A dentist in Bristoth, recently received by mail an order for a set of teeth, which read as follows :â€"â€"“My mouth is three inches across, five~oighth inches through the jaw. Sum hummocky on the edge. Shaped like a horseshoe, the formrd. If you want me to be more partiklar, I shall have to come than” â€"Old Father Taylor, of Boston, was a strong and far-seeing man. Standing on a hill-top which over-looked the village he noticed six little wooden boxes called meet ing houses, and knowing that there were only as many hundred inhabitants in the place said, sententiously:~~â€"“ A11, I see you have had a religious war here.” â€"-There‘s one thing that I love to hear, To me ’tis ever sweet, And that is nothing more or less Than a, band on the street. â€"-A young man who held a loaded pistol to his head and threatened to blow his brains out unless the girl who had refused him would consent to have him, was coolly told by the young lady he would have to blow some brains into his head first. lie didn’t blow. â€"-“ Some t‘: ere are whom glad fruition ‘Neath the skies may never bless, Some to Whom long-urged petition Ne'or Will come the yearned for ‘yes.’ ” Why ? God knowethâ€"He lendeth Strength to suffer trustingly, What He seeth best He senuethâ€" Dinna weary, hide a wee." â€"The Napanee Beaver publishes a black list showing up delinquent subscribers. Here is an extract: “ Mr. Thomas O’Neill, 8. Napa- nee tailor and first-class J mlas. has betrayed our trust to the extent of $7.” Say, old fel- low, how much do we owe you ‘2 Send our account by next mail. Forgot all about it, but it’s all right, you know. A FATAL BOX ON THE EAR There’s one thing, too, these girls should do That we so often meet, And that is nothing more or less Than abandon the street. (From tho Pall Mall Gazette, Oct. 31.) A SPURICDUS NOBLE‘VIAN. That from good mares we are entitled to expect good results is patent from the po- sition occupied this year by Lord Falmoutb, whose Wheel of Fortune, 8. Winner this season of £12,075, which would have been greatly increased had she been kept sound, is the daughter of Queen Bertha, an Oaks winner [From the Sporting GazetteL‘Nov. 22.] Time flies fast and this evening, when the curtain drops at Kempton Park, flat racing will be over for the year, and for the next four months the bookmagxers will have ample time to tottle up their Winnings andbad debts, while the plungpers will have leisure to brood over their losses. which, unless rumor is false, have been heavier; than usual. Owners of large studs, on the contrary, have had a pros- perous season, although a foreigner heads the list, Count Lagrange having £24, 568 placed to his credit at Weatherby’ 3, while Lordp Fal- mouth 13 close behind him with a total of £23,560; principally contributed by Chari- bert and Wheel of Fortune. Rayon d‘Or is far in front of either of them, £17 947 being a very large sum to obtain by the aid of a horse, that, although no beauty to look at, is certainly a good one to go, yet by no means , the animal that would be selected as a Crich- ton to perpetuate the equine race, voted, as he‘ has been by the critics, a giraffe and a three- cornered bruto, possessing nearly every fault that can be found' in a thoroughbred; yet even those who would detract from his merits must confess that his speed is great, and if offered by auction it is probable that he would realize five figures. Although foaled in France the hero of the season can boast of English blood, his sire, Flageolet, being by an English horse, Plutus, while his mother, Araucaria, a daughter of Ambrose and Pocahontas, was for years in Mr. Neylor’s stud, and it required a large check to transfer her to Chamant, Where she has proved a. mine of wealth, hav- ing produced Camelia, Chamant and Rayon diOr, who have between them carried from thirty to forty thousand pounds in stakes alone across the Channel. Unfortunately, E. glish breeders, with few exceptions, are al- ways willing to part with their good mares to foreigners, and to this cause we must attri- bute the reverses we have sufiered from a Kisber and Rayon d’Or. CAPABILITIES OF SPEAKERS . Out of the thirtyâ€"five most copious English speakers three can hardly be reckoned at pres- ent as party men. Lord Derby was on the Conservative side during most of the period examined. So was Lord Carnarvon, while Mr. Roebuck's exact shade of ptfitical preju- dice would be indicated rather by J. (for J ingo) than by either L. or O. This leaves thirty- two speakers, and of these no fewer than twenty-one, or nearly two-thirds, are liberals. We shall not allege that the Conservative party almost entirely consists of persons like Lord Dalkeith, who is unrivalled in getting some one else to speak for him. The fact is, as we have said, that an opposition must be comparatively active or it Will exercise no in- finance at all. Easily at the head of the score, as has been observed, comes Mr. Glad- stone, with thirtyâ€"four speeches, 215,000 words and telegraphic expenses to the amount of £724. It may surprise some readers to find that Mr. Bright, who for three or four years was unable to take a very active part in politics, comes second on the list. His speeches are twenty-four, his words, 129,300, and to telegraph his remarks cost £571. It must be kept in mind that Mr. Bright is al- ways reported at full length, while there may be more copious speakers of both political par- ties on whose lips reporters do not hang with such anxious care. Thus there is some indi- cation of quality as well as of quantity in these statistics. It may be taken as proved that an orator whom no one reports is, however ex- cellent, not yet possessed of much influence. A very fair third, after Mr. Bright, comes Lord Beaconsfield. He has made as many speeches as the distinguished member from Birmingham, but then he has not uttered so‘ many words by nearly 40,000. Yet silence is so far from being golden to telegraph com- panies, that Lord Beaconsfield’s speeches cost (to report) only a little more than a £100 less than those of Mr. Bright. Lord Hartington runs into the fourth place, as far as expenses go, but he has made one more speech than Mr. Bright, and has uttered 23,- 000 words more than Beaconsfield. Very close on Lord Hartington comes Sir Stafford Northcote, followed by Mr. Forster, who has , made thirty-two speeches, nearly as many as Mr. Gladstone, but who has never “put on” so many words in any one innings. Mr. Gross, Lord Salisbury, Lord Derby, Lord Cranbrook and Sir William Harcourt come next, in the order of their names ; but it must be remembered that they are classified by ex- pense of telegraphy, not by extent of oratory. Sir William Harcourt has spokenfnearly twice as much as Lord Cranbrook. but he has cost £1 less to report. These differences are not due to any peculiar value attached to Tory utterances, or any difficulty in telegraphing them (though Lo'rd Granbrtfik’s may seem rather heavy to carry), but to local arrange- ments. If Lord Cranbrook were thundering at Tobermory or Saline the local supply of material and of clerks might not be equal to the occasion. And we presume that- Lord Granbrook must have harangued to some he- nighted yokels somewhere, while Sir William Harcourt has been speaking at 'places like Liverpool and Oxford. Among other facts of interest it may be noted that five speeches of Mr. Lowe’s are nearly as long as eight of Lord Cranbrook. Among minor curiosities of silence, rather than of speech, it maybe noted that Lord Sandon has brought the telegraph companies but £8. while Mr. W. H. Smith has only £12 worth of reporting. It would be quite in the style of Shakespearian and , Homeric word-counting critics to argue- that Mr. Gladstone is ninety time the man Lord Sandon is and ninety times as popular. But we leave such frivolties to be learned. urlous Szallstics o! Speeches and Words Delivered by :Eugiish Statesman and their on of Telegraphing. A curious tabular arrangement of the quan- tity of words uttered by distinguished states- men has been published by one of the Lon- don press agencies, says the London Daily News. Statistics may be made to prove any- thing, among other things that Mr. Gladstone is the most popular public speaker at present living in England. Perhaps we need not go to statistics to demonstsate that ; but the arithmetical argument is popular just now, and why should not we apply it to Mr. Gladâ€" stone if Professor Geddes applies it to Homer? The learned have taken of late to counting the words, and even the metrical feet, in the plays of Shakespeare and the poems of Homer. If the word “dog,” for example, occurs sixty times in the “Iliad” and only thirty times in the “Odyssey." it is two to one we are told, that the same poet did not write both of the epics. And if Mr. Gladstone speaks 215,000 in seven years oratory, which words have been telegraphed to the papers at the cost of £724, while Lord Beaconsfield has only utter- ed £468 Worth, or 90,300 words, Mr. Glad- stone. it may be said, is nearly twice as much of a speaker as the Prime Minister. But this is the “quantitative estimate" which philos- ophy and common sense assure us is the easiest. It is not the man who talks longest that is the most effective speaker; but,again, the man whose words are thought best of re- porting is certainly the most popular orator. There can be no doubt that Mr. Gladstone occupies this position. The statistics conâ€" tain facts enough for working purposes. The tables cover the time from January lst, 1872, to October 1st, 1879, and thus neither Lord Beaconsfield’s Mansion House speech nor the results of Mr. Gladstone‘s innings in Mid- lothian, can be added to the score. It must also be remembered, when we estimate the the quantity of talk which each orator has uttered, that the opposition are compelled to talk much more than the Minstry. The op- position have no weapons but their tongues ; oratory is the only instrument by which they can influence events and public oplnion, Ministers. on the other hand, are in posses- sion of real power, and need not reply more than they please to their opponents. ’l‘I-IE ENGLISII RACING svmsow. E NGLAND’S GREAT TALKERS. â€"“ Maria,” observed Mr. Holcomb, as he was putting on his clothes. “ there ain’t no patch on them breeohes yet.” “ I can't fix it now, no way. I’m'too busy.” “ Well, give me the patch then. an’ I’ll carry it around with me. I don’t want people to think I can’t afford the cloth." â€"The Sydney Morning Herald of October 1 reports that the steamer Strahleven, de- signed to test the possibility of conveying frozen meat from Australia, is to leave Syd- ney for London about the middle of Novem- ber. She will take from Sydney 600 carcasses of beef, 200 of mutton and n quantity of wool, and fill up similarly in Melbourne. * Every individual and corporation should understand than the man who undertakes the publication of a newspaper does so in the hope of making his living out of it. He pays the price of a farm for the plant and it is to him what the farm is to the farmer. It costs him more per inch for management than a farm does per acre, and he who asks the publisher to give him space of one inch for a gratis pufi, writeit, set it up and pub- lish it, might go with the equal assurance andjnstice to a farmer and say, ‘ Give me an acre of your farm for a year ; plant it with something that will yield me heavy pro- fit, take good care of it till the stuff is ma- tured and I will come and gather the pro- ceeds.‘ ” “We have recently heard so many crude and peculiar ideas expressed by well-mean- ing people regarding the objects a publisher has in issuing a newspaper and the sources from which he derives his remuneration that we think a little information on the subject may be interesting and useful to some of our readers. It appears to be the general opinion g among subscribers to a weekly paper that the } amount received in subscriptions is ample re- ipayment for the trouble and money expendâ€" ed in its publication and that he who for some ‘ real or imaginary offence says ‘stop my paper‘ inflicts a heavy and lasting punisment upon the publisher. It should be understood, then, ‘thatthe cash expenditure for one year upon ‘ a properly conducted journal with 1.000 sub. ‘scribers is from 81,500 to $2,000, while the publisher is fortunate If he receives $800 in subscriptions during the year, having to de. pend on job work and advertising to make up the loss and keep him in bread and but~ ter. ‘ " We have been asked to insert a $5 advt. of ‘ farm for sale’ gratis because; the advertiser was a subscriber * " We once threatened a. man with a suit Who owed us for several years’ subscription. He is a merchant and lumber dealer and when he came in to pay us said that the paper was of no use to him but he just took it to help us along. We told him it would not take many hundred such friends as he to ruin us but if the rule worked both ways we wouldn’t mind taking a few thousand feet of lumber from him gratis just to help him along ‘ A Failure this Yearâ€"Very Llule Breadth sown. (St. Thomas Times.) A Times reporter called upon Mr. Wm. Keith, oi the St. Thomas flax mill. yesterday, and gleaned a. few particulars respecting the crop of 1879. Mr. Keith says the crop shows a decided falling ofl from 1877 and 1878. In these years the results were disappointing, and as a consequence the farmers sowed but a small breadth this seasonâ€"not more than 3,000 acres all told in Ontario, whereas in 1877 it was four times as much. The yield this year will be about eight bushels to the acre. The quantity of seed has been about 20,000 bushels, and there will be, when scutching is finished, from 240 to 260 tons of flax, against 900 tons in 1877. The yield of coarse and fine tow will not exceed 200 tons, whereas it was for- merly 1,600. The flax is a very fair crop , this year,~ being well rotted, the season ,having been favorable for that purpose. The ‘flax was as a rule thin, but the straw yielded a fair percentage of fibre. The price during the past year has been lower than known during the previous twenty years. Many of the mills have been closed. until the times become more auspicious for the industry. The St. Thoma mill, however, has been kept busy, the acreagre sown in this neighborhood not showing as great a falling off as in some other localities. Extensive shipments of tow are now being made to the County of Water- loo, and also the State of Indiana. Between ten and twelve hands have been constantly employed, andthe proprietor is satisfied that, notwithstanding the series of rebuffs the ex- periment of cultivating and manufacturing flax has met with, that more prolific crops and other favorable circumstances will, ere long, lead to the extensive adoption of the best appliances for making the goods we now import. The fvollowing extracts are from an article on this subject in the Milton Champion :â€" Germany, who threw down the gauntlet last year with Kincsem, has done but little with us in 1878, and those high priced year- lings sold to years ago at Cobham proved ab- solute failures. Russia has sent us nothing this season to compete. but one of her princes. who is most popular at Newmarket and in turf circles, has done wonderfully well with Mask and others, as has Mr. Lorillard. whose Parole, Geraldine and Pappoose have made our American cousins frantic with delight, and we may expect a fresh lot of horses for the new campaign. They have, however. failed to find a cup champion to compare with Mr. Gretton’s Isonomy, who has achieved what no one animal ever did before, the winning in one season of the Ascot Queen’s Vase, the Gold Cup, the G'oodwood Cup, the Brighton Cup and the Doncaster Cup. Well has he defended British interests against all corners, and no one better de- serves success than his plucky owner, who has frequently been defeated, yet comes up fresh each year and spends thousands in horseflesh. Among trainers, Matthew Dawson and Tom Jennings can show a. rare balance sheet, as can brother Joe. Robert Peck, Blanton, John Porter, and others ; but Fred Archer is again well at the list of winning jockeys, and, although a heavy lad now. can boast of a score of nearly or quite two hundred wins, such as none have ever shown before, for three years in succession. Horses, trainers and jockeys are now fully entitled to some rest, and let us hope that 1880 will shine forth as the brightest page in our turf his- tory. herself. and also the mother of Spinaway, that followed in her footsteps. The value of such matrons as those which have contrib- uted to Lord Falmeuth‘s success is incaleul- able and proVes the theory we have always maintained, that breeders should as far as possible select the best mares for their harems. Without going into actual figures we believe the third place in the list is occu- pied. by the Duke of Westminister, whose three two-year-olds Bend Or, Douranee and Evasion, have contributed £12,293, and it is exceedingly gratifying to find so thoroughly popular a sportsman as His Grace in this favorable position. The first named is a homebread colt by his celebrated Donoaster. and the two fillies, Dourenee and Evasion, were bought at auction. Public breeders can not only point with pride to this useful pair of fillies, but also to the success which has attended the Marquis of Anglesea. who has obtained a high pin- nacle among winning owners entirely by his two-year-olds, bought at Messrs. Tattersall’s sales ; and it is a great feat to sell two horses. as he has done. for 13,000guineas,and others for large sums far beyond their original cost, and the good judgment of the trainers who selected these youngsters is a contrast to that of those who are annually giving large sums, yet rarely get a youngster that can earn its salt although this year the various breeding establishments have turned out a great many winnersâ€"quite as many in proportion, as pri- vate studsâ€"and the curiosity of the season is the fact of Lord Falmouth having such a weak lot of two- -year- -olds. RUNNING A NEWSPA PER. 'l‘IlE FL AX CROP. The lights were burning brilliantly in the gorgeously decorated church in Long-face square ; the frescoed ceilings, the richly carved pillars, the gilded cornices, and the magâ€" nificent organ looked grand in theblaze of gas that streamed from the highly ornate chan- deliers. Soft cushions filled the rich paws, and the finest of Brussels carpet curered the floors and pulpit platform and lined the aisles. Wealth seemed to hover with golden wings and fill the very temple with its pres- ence, while every surrounding added to the, solid comfort 'of those lowly followers of Him who had not whereon to lay His head. But this superfluous show was buly a delusion. and this seeming pagentry was a thorn that goaded the tender consciences of the faithful. The black shadow of debt, like Poes R wen, perched upon the door of the sanctuary and its melancholy croakings mingled with the prayers of the parson. So it came to pass that the office bearers of the church took council how they should frightthis unholy thing from their midst. A mighty man of Israel, who dweltin Gotham,was besought by the offer of a goodly sum to come to the hsvlp oi the Lord against the mighty. The ltcv. Zach. ariah .Forcepump, the most noted drummer in the army of the cross, the forlorn hope of debt-stranded congregations, the greatest financial thumbscrew of the church, had ar- rived in order to shame these dilato1y Christians into cancelling their unncessary indebtedness. The church was c1ow.ded The text was to the point. The flail oi gospel authority was handled in the freest manner, while the golden Wheat was being thrashed Mr. S.â€"“ So you think she gets a lniSOl~ able pittance eh 1 It’s as much as they pay elsewhere. I am not going to be dicLatod to by you. I Want men whom I can tins: and who prefer to attend strictly to my business. and not to the business of otheis. lou can go. I don’ t want your services any longer. And so the clerk ended his connection with Mr. Skinem, and so we end this chapter. CLERK.â€"â€"“ I hope, air, that you don’t mean to insinuate that I am taking what don't be- long to me. As to giving the old woman trust it was only 25 cents woith. which you can deduct from my wages. I am sure if you were to see the wretched way in which the poor old creature has to live, or the miserable pittance she gets, you would not blame me for giving her a paltry 50 cents. Mr. S.-â€"“ You seem to have plenty of money to give away. She says you gave her money. Your salary, though good, won‘t :11"- ford thil liberality. It looks suspicwus, to say the least. I don't want men who trust my goods and then deny it, or who give money when they don’t have it to spam. You had better see the cashier and get the bal- ance of your salary.” Mr. S. walked to his office with the air of a. man who had given some valuable moral ad- vice, While the old woman cast a pleading, hopeless look at his retreating figure and tottered sadly out. Ha1dly had she 1011;111:911 the street when the oflice bell mug violentl) , and Mr. Skinem told the boy to send up the clerk Whom the old woman had mentioned. As he entered the office M1.Skin(111 said: “ Who has given you 01601:; to t1 11st evm y Tom, Dick or Harry that comes to my 0512.11; lishment. ” 61.121111. â€"1‘ It 'Wasa mexe tlifle and she will pay it. She ls thoroughly honest. If not, 1 Wi117pay it myself. ” Mr. S.â€"“ Don’t trust anyone, eh ! Why, an old woman who has just gone out says you have trusted her with goods. If you trust her there is nothing to hinder you from trust- ing anyone you please.” CLERK.â€"â€"”I don’t trust rnyone that I know of.” “ Yes,” said the manager, “there is some difference; trade is somewhat slack, everyone is complaining, but 1 have no doubt things will take a. turn.” Mr. S.â€"â€"“ Indeed 1 He is very iibera] with my goods, giving them on trust and money too. I should not wonder if the money was mine too. I must see to it, that this kind of business must be stopped.” Taking from the bundle a pair of pants he strained at the stitches till some of them gave way, and twitching savagely at the buttons some of which came off in his hands, he tossed them back and said in a sneeringmanner : “ How do you think I can pay for such work as that? You had better take them buck and do them over. I can’t aflord to pay 20 cents for pants and have them come to pieces; in my hands. We want value for our money, and we always give it when we can afford to. We W111 pay you for them when you finish them.” “ Very true,” said Mr. Sklnem. “but we can’t afiord to lose money. We must try and keep the receipts ahead, not let them full be- hind. You must try the old plan, reduce the working expenses, cut down the salaries of the“ clerks, and curtail in all departments. Most of these clerks are overpaid and out on as much style as I do. It don‘t. do to let. some people have money. They go tn the devil headlong." ‘ Mr. Skinemâ€"“Let ’em kick. Times are hard; we can get all the clerks we want for less wages. The winter is coming on and situations are scarce. They may growl n liittle, but half a. loaf is better than no bread. Why, you can get men for half nothing. I had a man working in my garden for a month for his board, and a good honest worker he was. I gave him 50 cents when he left just to help him along. Never mind their on» jecting. We must cut down the expenses. The manager turned to make arrange» ments for carrying out the selfish projects of his superior when Mr Skincm remarked; “If Mr. Gabriele, of the coach factory, calls, tell him I Wish to seem him particularly. Mrs. S. wants to have the farmin carriage r0â€" varnished, the s1lver plating renewed and the Whole trimmed with the best material he can get. I have purchased that crack span of greys I was telling you about for one thous- and dollars; it‘s a high figure, but they’ll take the shine out of anything in town.” From our Popular Dime Series. (Slmbtown Gazette.) CHAPTER I. In a comfortably furnished office in town sat a man of middle age, immersed in busiâ€" ness. He was intently investlgating the books of the firm. As he glanced over the pages and noted the cash returns his countenance changed and he hastily summoned the man- ager. “I see,” said Mr. Skilieni to his fawn- ing follower, “there has been quite a. falling 013 in the receipts of the last month; they don’t foot up by some hundreds as high as the previous month.” “ I‘m afraid,” said the manager, “they will hardly stand a further reduction. They grumbled loudly at the last; and. will be very apt to kick against it." While this conversation was taking place an old woman had entered the store and was standing in the wareroom. Her wardrobe, though scanty, was neat and clean. There was about her that air of quiet moekness that comes from patient suffering, long endured. Her thin, meagre face and shrivelled hands testified to the fact that her life had not been an idle one. As she looked round nervously a clerk approached and said, “What can I .do for you, ma’am ‘1” t “ I wish to see the proprietor.’ she said. The clerk went off and Mr. Skincm made his appearance. Seeing the old woman, and imagining she was about to appeal for charity, he said in a snappy manner, “What do you want ‘2” Laying a bundle on the counter she said in a. feeble and tremulous tone, “I have brought back some pants which your foreman objected to the last time I was here. I have tried to do them as well as I could. I should have them done sooner but my health has been very bad of late. My sight is not so good as it was and I am not as quick at the work as I used to be, but I must strive to live. If you could give me a little more for them, I should feel much obliged to you. I have hard work to get along. I don’t know what I should have done lately, had it not been for one of your clerks, a. kindly young man, who trusted me with a few yards of stuff and gave me 50 cents to get some little necessaries,” A [{ELIGIUU FRAUD CAAPTER II -â€"The King of Saxony has offered a prize open to all nations, to consist of silver plate, for the best scheme for rendering harmless to fish in rivers and lakes the refuse from fac- tories and sewage from towns. â€"The value of land in Ireland is so depre- ciated at this moment, says the London Vanity Fair, that in the Landed Estates. Court, last week, Judge Flanagan declined to allow the sale of an estate in Roscommon, for which no higher ofier could be obtained than fourteen years’ purchase. There were no fewer than seven estates for sale that day, November 7, but only four were sold. For two of these there was absolutely no bidding. Is this the result of Mr. Gladstone's Irish Land Act or of the state of the country ? Whatever the cause, it is most serious to land- owners ‘and can hardly last. â€"Another Northeast Arctic expedition is spoken of. In a. letter to M. Sibiamkofl, Professor Nordenskjold expresses his inten- tion of undertaking another voyage to the northrvrn coast of Asia as soon as circum- stances permit. “ After my return,” he says, " I think of spending a year on preparing an account of the voyage of the Vega, and it is my desire to continue the exploration of the icy ocean along the coast of Siberia, making the River Lena the point of departure and the New Siberian Isles the basis of opera.- tions. For the object I have proposed to my- selfâ€"namely, the rendering of the northern part of Asia completely accessible to commer- cial shipping- the prosecution of these re- searches is of paramount importance.” (From the London Echo, Nov. 23.) To-morrow the English farmers who were sent out to Canada, at the instance and at the expense of the Dominion Government, to ” spy out the land ” on behalf of certain tenant farmers in the northern counties of England, are expected to arrive at Liverpool. , They will present a, favorable report of the I country generally, but especially will they ad- vise the emigration of small capitalists to the young and exceedingly fertile Province of ‘Manitoba. The Red River Valley. which i' included in Manitoba, promises to become a very short time one of the greatest wh producing regions of the American continent, and the wise alterations recently made, by an order in Council of the Canadian Government, in the conditions upon which homeste‘ads may be acquired upon lend contiguous to the proposed “ Canada Pacific Railway,” will con- tribute to that result. Farms of 160 acres .are to be granted free to settlers on the condition of a three years’ occupancy and cultivation, and addi-- iional lots of 160 acres may be purchased, in addition, at prices varying from $1 to $2.50: per acre, according to proximity to the line‘ of the railway. The whole of the lots, to a», width of five miles on either side of the rail-- way, are to be appropriated under these free grant and preemption regulations. The soil of this region is as fertile as any part of the continent. It is said to consist of twenty inches of black earth, easily friable, resting on a subsoil of aluminous clay. It is mostly prairie, so that there is no clearing to be done ; but by putting the plough in in June, cross-ploughing about August or September. sowing in the snrinn while the frnst is still in the ground, the husbandmzm mafinlnqkiL a bountiful harvest in the second August of settlement. Who would not choose to be a freeholder under such circumstances, rather than a tenantâ€"farmer under the burdens and restrictions which prevail here ? The prayer was a masterpiece of stereo- typed hypocrisy, which. after being interâ€" spel‘sed with numerous Ohs and Abs and. swelling to a torrent of sound, died away like the distant wail of a. retreating tom cat. and a refreshing silence reigned. As the prayer of Skinem went up, the sighs of distress riven from the deep anguish of hopeless poverty, which the selfishness of such whitewashed sopulehres tends to nourish, went up also to the throne of Him and appealed in the lam gusge of the apostle: “ Behold the hire of the laborers that have reaped down your vine- yard, which is of you kept back by fraud crieth and the cries of them that have reaped have entered into the ears of the Lord of Salmoth.” Why do not these reverend gentlemen, who strain their energies to lift the increasing load of debt from the gilded tabernacle, try to lift the veil of hidden misery that shrouds the wretched fortunes of the poor, kept in the suf- fcring bonds of poverty by the small souled selfish policy of those who make a business of religion to flaunt their wealth on hypocritical glory ? “ \Voe unto him who buildeth his house by fraud and his churches by wrong ; that useth his neighbor’s service without wages and givcth him not for his work." out of the brow-beaten congregation. The rev. gentleman kindly furnished an unlim- ited quantity of chafi. From flattery to personal inuende, all the adjuncts of coercion were brought into play to swell the stakes in this grand religious game of bluff. Over 1 $20,000 were subscribed by those present and il‘ll‘. Skinem, whose natural selfishness un- lchecked by public judgment could take the \last cent from the earnings of poor human- jity, subscribed the magnificen sum of 85,0 ) i under the pressure of this unhallowed ~ jcitcment. The Rev. Forcepump was hig . i successful ; he had done his work nobly ; h had faithfully earned his pay ; he had in a few hours accomplished what love for Christ had failed to accomplish for years, and while the altar was heaped with these vain-glorious offerings of vanity the poor worked on, half paid and half fed. But why make a fuss about the poor? - The incubus of debt had been lifted from the church and the mem- bers felt too happy to let any trifles interfere with their buoyant feelings of relief. Noth- ing makes a man so happy, or adds to his stock of happiness, like true religion. So thought these people, so to finish the good work a series of revivals were held to purge away any of the leaven of worldly-minded- noss which might have crept into the minds of those who had been forced into giving through the mesmeric influence of public opinion, and whose limited incomes rebelled‘ at such innovations. Foremost in the good work was the Rev. Mr. Flareup, a noted re- vivalist. He had heard of the high standing of Mr. Skinem, his great wealth and his handsome donation to the church. He was an ardent admirer of such Christian philantrophy and yearned to- wards this brother in the Lord. At one of those meetings. after telling that the effectual fervent prayer of a. righteous man availeth in uch, and referring in eulogistic terms to Mr. Skineni as a, worthy disciple of his Master, he called upon this dear brother Skinem to lead in prayer, when that gentleman conde- scondcd to favor the meeting with the follow- ing characteristic specimen of the reviving in- iluence of lip worship: “0 God, we thank Thus for the rich outpouring- of Thy spirit... We thank Thee that Thou hast sent Thy ser- ‘ vant amongst us and that there is a shaking among the dry bones. May Thy spirit touch the hardened sinner and soften his stony heart. We thank Thee that we have seen the error of our ways and that we have found sal- vation. 0, come down with great power and. fill our souls with Thy glory. I thank TheE, O Lord, that Thou hast blessed me abundant- ly with this world’s goods. May we be ever ready to spend our strength and substance in the cause of Christ. May the poor and needy receive help of Thee from whence cometh all aid. 0, pity their sinful condition and com- fort them with Thy presence. 0 Lord, conâ€" tinue to prosper Thy church; carry on the good work. Bless Thy humble servant as Thou hast done in the past. May I beg tower of strength in Zion and a shield buckler to the oppressed. May those who suffering through want or affliction be fe with the spiritual manna. O, temper the wind to the shorn lamb. Teach us to feel for the wretched and cast down, for Thou hast said, ‘Inasmuch as ye do it unto the least of these, my brethren, ye do it unto me.’ Fill us With humility ; take away our proud, stubborn heart and give us hearts of flesh. Give us every needed blessing, guide us and keep us and at last bring us to Thy kingdom, for Christ’s sake. amen.” ENGI.[?§II FARLVIERS ON RED lKIVER.