The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Baron Alfred Vere de Vere, 01 me you win no new renown; You thou ht to daze the country folk And one have when you came so tuwn. Bee Wordsworth, Shelley, Cowp~r, Burns. Withdraw in scorn, and bit retired! The last of some six hundred Earls Is not a. place to be desired. Baron Alfred Vere de Vere, We thought you proud to bear your nameX Your pride is yes no mate for ours, Too proud to think a. title fame. We huil fihe geniusâ€"not the lord; We love the poet's truer charms, Agimple‘singer with his drea‘ms Baron Alfred Vere de Vere, I see gou much, I hear you any, "Bow, ow, ye lower middle clussefil " Is all the burden of your lay. We held you first without a. peer, And princely by your noble words- The Senior Wrangler of our bards Is now the Wooden Spoon oi lords. Baron Alfred Vere de Vere, You put strange memories in my head; Forjusu five decades now have flown Since we all mourned young Arthur dend‘ 0!}, your we; eyes, your low replies! Our mars have mingled with your tear: 1‘0 think that all such agony Should end in making you a pearl Trust me, Baron Vere do Vere, When nobles eat their noblest words, The grand old gardener and his wife Smile at the airs of poet lords. Bowe‘er it be, it seems so me, ’Tis only noble to be goal. Plain souls are more than col-Duets, And simple lives than Baronhood. Eaton Alfred Vere de Vere. Our England has had poets too; may sang some grand old songs of yore. But never reached such heights as you. Will Shakapeare was a prince of bards, Our Milton was a king to hear. But had their manners that repose Watch stamps the caste of Vere de Vera ‘1’ Baron Alfred Vere de Vere, Robe, now your have are sere and spent The King of Snobs in at gout door. To trace your long (an deep) descent. A man’s a man for a' the“, And rich on fortv pounds u. year; 11 rank be the true guineaâ€"stem?) To win Parnassusâ€"die a peer I know you, Baron Vere de Vere: You plna among your halls and buys ; The lauded light of our vain eyes . Is wenried with t- a flood of praise. In glowing fame. with boundless wealth, But aickenin of a. vague disease, You are so dea to simple things, You needs must play such pranks as these‘ .1 bad a strange dream that night. I thoughn I was being carried through the air by agreat bird. 9. soft, downy kind of bird.tbac madeagreu rustling winh its wings; and I thonghn that it was such a pleasant, kindly erasure, and ¢Mfled ma Alfred. Alfred Vere de Vere, It Time be heavy on your hands. Are there no toilets in our streets, Nor any pour in all these lands? Ohl teach the week to strive and hope, 01' teach the great to help the low, Pray heaven for a. noble heart, And let the foolish title go; Yes, it had come to this! How strange it wasto realize that I, whose prosperous business enterprises had made my name so Well-known throughout the country that it was familiar to every child in every little village in the land. and whose equipage and household luxuries had formed the subject of many a newspaper paragraph in the “flush” times gone by should now be sleeping in a cheap lodging house. Without a. cent in my pocket. and no hope of ameal next morning. But so it was, and so accustomed had I become to poverty of late that it scarcely troubled me to realize it ; not enough at all events, to drive sleep away ; for in a very few moments I had dropped into that delightfully demo- cratic state which, like death, puts us all upon a level. Should I sleep and go without a. break- fast, or breakfast and go without sleep? My heavy eyes and weary body won the battle, and a. few moments later I was stretched out upon a little iron bed in a. little whitewashed room, very much like a cell in a. prison. The mattress was rather hard, I remember, and the coverings not over warm; but they were infinitely pre~ fer-able to a. cold bench, with the night log 10: a. blanket. The very word “ bed ” sounded luxuri- ously as I read it, for Ihad hands. hard day, nhmblng up high door-steps with my “ book that sells on sight," and then sadly climb- xng down again, without having sold it; and I was utterly worn out. I felt in my okets. I had no need to feel there ; I new well enough What they contained-â€" just a. qqsrter of a dollar, not another cent. “ Economy House. Rooms 25 oente a. nigha. For gentlemen only. Clean beds." Such was the inscription that stared at me tram over a. bare-looking doorway as I trumped wearily up one of the great; thoroughfares of ~the) metropolis. AN IMPOSTOR IN SPITE 0F HIMSELF; A Story of a Year. Is wZith a ifindiéd coats of “ma And then at last to be a man, Tu in.“ in luve, to woo and wed! Wyn seething _b_ra.iq 179‘ sncne‘mg an}! plan To sum r3313 or tdil ior bread; To we for fame with tongue and pen, And gain or {use the prizeâ€"and then ? A116. then in grey and wrinkled eld ' ,.u ,a ‘11.)- .L, "7:1"; $3313; Efié'sfiééil 'Jfrlife’a decline; T9 page gm scenes opt youth beheld, â€" wm: mirtfi’ahd mischiefa. 1 égog; A truaut on by field and You, And capture bunerfiieaâ€"and then ? Alla ghen, lncreasedli‘n'gfaeygth and size, To be, anuu, a. vofith full gfown. A hero in his quthelj‘g eyes, _K;6uvfiigrApollo in his éwxi; To imitate the ways of men In fashionable aimâ€"and than ? _ Eliâ€"£19511; Vdiemory :51 lang syne; To dream awhile of darkened ken. To drop into his graveâ€"and than ? Ba . what is life ? 'Tis to be born helpless babe ; to greet; the light With a sharp wail, as it the mom Foretol n a. cloudy noon and night; To weep. to sleep, and weep again, With Bunny smiles betweenâ€"and then ? “an...” u....r-.~ __.., "V." Were he bun'unacious Liv His joy! To be. in short, from two to ten, A merry. moody childâ€"and than ? An_d then, 1_n coat End‘trpgseggyolad, And then space the infant grows To be a. laughing, sprightly boy, nggpy, gles‘pite hiurlri'ttle woes, ___ . L)- 1-. *3}; leurhiib my the decalogue, And break it! an qutpink'iqg lap, Miss Jennie is a. Winsome girlâ€" The fairest lass of many ; And I would he aheartless churl Did I not love Miss Jennie. But when into my list‘ning ear Her tide of pmsion gu-hes, 1 Scream and run away. for fear She'll see my tell-tale blushea. His: Susie is so sweet and mild. And loves me. oh! so dearly, I csn't reject, the little child- ’Twould drive her crazy, nearly. Bun as she hangs upon the gate And sings herhopeless Burrow, I murmur: " It is get ing late, Please come around. to-morrow.“ And there is rosy, romping Belleâ€"â€" And there is proud Ophelia,â€" And pensive, Iotty-minded Nell, And pmming little Delia. ; And 1 am waged by_Eloin-e.. Ami courted, too; by Jessie, Whilu Maggie fallu upon her knees, And ditto charming Bessie, There's still anotherâ€"homely sheâ€"- The gaunt, uncuutn Eliza.- When first rhe came zap-wooing me, Oh, how I did uespise her I But as she fondly liugered near The a (all, like dripping honey. This sweet a-aumnce on my earâ€" Hhe had a. heap of money I Bo, Ihough I sigh for Jennie‘s curls And Delia so impassioned, And hacker [or the OVhr-I' girls 80 sweetly. grandly fashioned, 11: serum decreed than rhould pm From all these churning witches. And sacrifice my manly heart To gaunt Eliza’s riches. Tammy-on Made a Baron. A Leap- Year Dilemma. BY GEORGE KYLE. POETRY. Life’s Glory. :Pall Mall Gavettc‘ so gently, that I would just let it have its own way with me, and finally it dropped me softly upon something as soft as itself, when I fell into a still deeper sleep that was altogether dreamless. The little lodging-house room seemed to have expanded when I awoke next morn- ing. and, what was stronger still. some one had come in the night and covered the ceiling with beautiful frescoes. And the bed, too, how wide and soft it was! I was willing to swear that when I got into it last night I had to lie very straight, or my poor sore feet Were in the cold air ; while now I might scramble about at my sweet will, and lie croeemee, even it I saw fit to do so. Then again, the room was filled with beau- ful furniture and objects of all kinds. prominent among which was ahighly ideal- ized portrait of myself, hanging over the carved Wooden mantel. But the prettiest thing of all in the room was a. pretty little lady; not a. girl exactly, but about the ago my wife would have been if Ibad ever bud one. There she eat. as placidly as though it was all right and real. working at a. picce of embroidery in a cosy arguchair by my bedside. “ Now," she said. " will you give up your foolish delusion '2 I cannot believe that you are insune. You are only cruel and hateful, and wantto break your poor wife's heart. Your voice sounds just as it used to before you were taken ill, and your eyes do not wander now. I believe you have got another wife somewhere, and want to get rid of me by pretending not to know me. What have I ever done that you should treat me go? All the long time that you This was another dream, of course, but eueh a pleasant one that I feared to speak. lest I should awaken and lose 10 all. So I lay there, naming matters over in my mind. and wondering gt this were the way with most dreams. and if the dietinemese faded out of them when we awoke. and left only a. blurred Impression behind: “ Would you like your breakfast now? The doctor: says you may eat anything you like that is nice and dxgesbible." said the pretty little voice that seemed tuned to ubteernly kind and cheerful word}. “Madamfiq asked,wihh as much respect- ful dignity as my position permiumd, “ would you kindly inform me who I am, and when I am doing here 7 how I got here. who you are yourself, and any other mate of a. personal nature thot occur to you? I admit Eben at present: I feel a little bewil- ered.’ “ Your name is Richard Rollins,” said the little lady. in a sort of reproving tone. such as she might have used in speaking to a. wayward child. “ Take care," I said; " it you tempt me too for you may make your life a torture of shame and remorse when you really lesrn the truth. Listen to reason before it is too late. Once more I say I am not your hus- band. God knows he is a man that any one in the world might envy. But I am not he. Think, think of some mark by which your husband might be positively identifiedâ€"some sear. some boyish mark in tattooing." She started up at the last words. “ Yes.” she said, " you have a. little blue star upon your arm just show the wrist. Don’t you remember how you used to feel ashamed of it, and said naughty words about the big boy who induced you to put it there ?" u§ei that tallies with my ideas. at least." " And," she continued. “ you are a cruel, wicked man, who runs away from home and pretends not to know his own wile when _he is brought back again.” S-he had no need to pull up my sleeve and point to the tell-tale mark; my face must have been proot enough that she would find it there. ” 0h. Dick! Dlokl” moaned thelittle lady before me. bursting into tears. "I thought you had entirely recovered, and here you are talking more wildly than ever. Oh, my heart wxll break with this disap- poi_nbme§t_." How I longed to kiss away the tears from those kindly bright blue eyes. and take the sweet little woman in my arms and bush he: grief to_reat_ppon my bosom. " Madam,“ I began, " the truth must be told, and told at once, and I can only beg that when you know it you will forgive my involuntary intrusion on your kind hospit- ality. You have made a grave and terrible mistake in having brought me here. I am Richard Rollins. and from your words and actions I presume that I resemble in a. marvellous degree another man who bears the same name on myself. But I am not your husband. I am a. poor man without a. friend or relative in the world. I! you will kindly return me the mean garments which I wore yesterday I will leave your house at once. You will admit that I have treated you with studied respect, and have only presumed so for upon your error as to est a. meal at your table, a meal which I confess I should otherwtse in all probability haveibeegthi39‘1“_t‘?§°3°'n “ Then you, I suppose, are my wife, end this is my house, and I never was an agent for the ' Universal Instructor,‘ and I did not go to bed without a. cent In my pocket last night i_n the Economy Hoqse ‘2" “Now, deer Dick, you talk in auoha nice, reasonable way that I can soureer believe you are not quite well again. Do, darling, try to remember. You cannot be very wrong in your head now. Your eyes look so bright and clear, and your voice sounds so nice and quiet. When you went away you thought the Fenian: and the Nihlliste had formed a league to murder you, and that I was the member appointed to commit the crime. You have got all over that, you see, and yet, now, you pre tend not to know me." I began to see light now. though dimly. I had been mistaken for some other man whose name and appearance Were identical with mine and had been brought here while in the deep sleep of complete exhaustion. The big. soft bird of my dream had been produced by the motion of the carriage or whatever means had been used in convey- ing me. I determined to set myself right at once. “ Medem.” I said, “ it you will kindly waive the question of our relationship and allow me to get up and dress, I will be pleased to go down to breakfast and talk the whole matter over with you quietly.” “ On, do you feel well enough to get up '1" she said. - V “ Quite, quite. I only desire a little priVnoy end elittle time to make myself presentable." Only two chairs were placed at the table and in one at them " my wife ” set, looking like the embodiment of domestic sweetness. I let myself target the truth. and dropped into the pleasurable delusion until 1 bed finished my breakfast. I felt like a. miser- able swindler, sitting there in some other men‘s place, eating his food and chatting with his wife, but the temptation was too grant for 9. poor devil such as I was at the time. And then I thought, “ it is only for an hour or two ; after that. poverty, loneli- ness and fatigue once more. and perhaps worse things, ior ought I ow." But when we had fluiehfid our mes , I pushed book my chair from t as table and plunged boldly into the subject of the strange mistake which brought me there._ ‘ " That’s a. good boy,” she said. atooping over and pressing a. pair 0! soft, cool lips on my forehead. " I will humor you this time,” and she slipped quietly out of the Eoom With aamile of indulgent pity on her we. The garments that lay waiting for me were certainly not those I had -wom the previous nighfi; but: they fluted me perfectly, and when I had slipped on the embroidered dressing gown and soft. warm slippers, I seemed to have gone back to the old, luxurious days ggsin. _ A dainty little breakfast awaited me in the sweet, warm-looking dining-room, where everytblng was so fresh and pretty and in such perfect taste, that it looked like spine deipty genre piqtura_ by yelqir:_ were deranged I watched over you and cared for you. When they wanted to take you away, I refused to let you go. And utter you wandered ofi that time and lost yourself, I might have been free it I had wished it. But I did not wish it. I have searched for you, and waited for you, and been as faithful as though you had been well and with me. And this is my return for all." And she sank eobbingon the sofa: How was I to convince her that she and not I was laboring under a delusion. Alter cogitsting this question for some time, I came to the conclusion that my best and safest plan was to give up the attempt, evidently a hopeless one, of explaining matters. and simply leave the house at once. It was all very well to make the resolution. but when it came to carrying it out I discovered that I was not alree agent. My attempt to get back my owu clothes proved fruitless, so I resigned myself to the necessity of walking through the streets in dressintgown and slippers. But here again I was thwarted ; the lower windows were all barred, the doors locked and the keys hidden from me. I ran across an old employee of mine, now a wealthy man, thanks to help I gave him in my days of prosperity, and he proqed to he possessed of the rare human virtue of gratitude. He took me into his employ, and placed me in a. position of trust and dignity. But I was gloomy and spiritless, for the one being who made life of interest to me seemed separated from me for ever, and I believe I should, indeed. have gone mad, but for a strange circumstance, which Now, what was I to do ? Wait until the doctor called and try to get his help ? That seemed a feasible plan. 80 when, a. little later in the morning, the white-haired and benignant medical man made his appear- ance. I appealed to him in the most earnest and straightforward manner to relieve me tug: my te_lee and epberrusing position. J He blandly agreed with all I. said, and spoke in terms of the highest commenda- tion of my good taste and honorable feel- ing, but concluded by saying : “ I think, however, that you had better remainâ€"of course, you understand. under such condi. tions as will save your enforced residence here from any appearance of impropriety. Your wifeâ€"I beg your pardon. this lady-â€" might send for some elderly female relative or friend to act as her companion, and any other such expedient: as you approve might be made use of. But I think on the whole you had better remain." Here I caught him glancing meaningly at my pseudo wife. who stood listening intently to every word we uttered. Without another word I rushed into the street, utterly exhausted by the eflort I had made, and almost hating myself for the cruelty that honor had demanded of me. I had insulted the women I loved, and now she would despise me, perhaps. “ Well, better so,” said my conscience; but " No, no." said my wretched and tortured heart. Fortune seemed to turn in my tevor after this time. “ Seemed.” I say, for it was, in reality, the moat wretched period of_my life. “ EFL-{611d of my soul." too much to wrong you. am__nou y_ogl_- hqsbqnq." The lid blood of shame rushed into her face. and she sank into 9. seat and covered her face with her hands. It I should live for centuries. I should never forget the anguish of that moment. But at last I nerved myself, but such an efiort as the victim or the inquisition must have made when he acknowledged the heresy that condemned him to the torture, and said in a hint and hollow. but distinct tone: “ I am not your husband. Farewell l" Sadly I arose, and with downeast head left her presence. I had opened the door, and was about to cross the threshold when I heard the rustle of a women's dress com- ing down the stairs, and before I had made another step a pair of soft, warm arms were clasped tightly around my neck. " Don’t;~ leave me," pleaded the sweet vows that I had loved so well. " I cannot hear to part wmh you. You are mad, you mg my_hn§ba.nd l" “ My God. man 1" I shouted, provoked beyond endurance. “ do you call yourself a physician and do not know that I am a perfectly sane man. Look in my eye, feel my pulse 1 you must see that I on not de- ranged." Finhly bun gently I unloosened her olingmg army. “ Oh. not at all. Not at all," said the old doctor, in a. tone of the deepest. earnest- ness. “ I only thought It might relieve the lady's feelings. She is a. little 1111 â€"you understand," and he muched his forehead with a litfile twirling gesture. of the finger. It was the first time in many months that either of us had alluded to the subject. Heaven knows how I was tempted for a moment to lie to her,and deny my identity. ButI resisted the unmanly suggestion of my own weakness, and said: “ Do not let us speak of that." " No.” she burst out, in a tone almost of defiance. "I have not told you the truth. I am beginning to doubt myself. and not you. Sometimes I seem to see a dlfierenee, not in your face or torm. not in any outward thing. but in your soul. I never loved you before you left me as I do now. I almost doubt that I loved you truly. Then it was merely affection, now it is something deeper and stronger. Look in my eyes, and tell me truly. Are you my husband ‘l” It was hopeless. I saw plainly this house was to be my place of residence whether I wished It or not. and until the real head of it was discovered. it he ever was. I should have to occupy his place. So. after a. few more fruitless attempts, I gave up the struggle, and sllowed myself to be carried along by the tide of circumstances. Certain things, however, I insisted upon us the only conditions upon which I would remain passive. The doctor‘s suggestion as to a companion for the lady must be carried out at once. and I must be treated mere_ly use guest in the house. .. -. .1 Ah first she could only sob, but at last she _wl_1iape_ren 5 ‘3 In in Snly the old question of your delu- Dion.” “Yodmhroc‘lrbotterrhumor me,” I said. “ for I might become violent, you know, if I should be thwarted.” Towards the end of the year I saw a singular change come over the manner of my friend and companion. She became a. lifitle lees familiar and sometimes I dis- covered clock of doubt and terror in her eyes. .At last one day I found her weeping bitterly. Tremblineg I asked her to explain the unsure of her tears. The doctor opened his eyes at this last remark of mine with an expression of sur- prise and interest, but he did not alter his rnsnner towards me in the least. I learned that my "case" afterwards formed the subject of a most interesting article in a. medical journal, for which the doctor regaived great credit in his fraternity. Sometimes: when I thought that all this must end soon, my heart would seem to use up in my throat sud choke me. If the true husband ever returned I could face him With a clear conscience, for not by one action had I wronged him. He might for- give me, but for my part I felt that the day I lost the companionship of this dear and kindred soul would end for me the possibi- litz of happiness in life. For a. whole year I lived in this rtra‘ngo and {also position, growing day by day more deeply switched to the deer, affection- ate little woman who not before me at every meal. who sang sweet, simple lime songs for me in the evening, with kind. motherly old Aunt Sarah smiling in her armchair by the fireside. We used to drive out together in the family coach. not in the afternoon parade through the park and back again, but out into the oountry. where we could see Nature, not yet made commonplace by unsympathetic crowds. In everything our mites agreed. WEQérl-ydéy some new point of sympathy wopld deyelop igseltz I. I said, “ I love you You know that I suddenly altered the whole complexion of my life. One morningjuet as I was about to leave my lodging for the oflioe, a letter was handed to me. I knew the handwriting at once. It was from her. I hastily tore open the envelope, and three letters fell out upon the table. The one «hat first caught my eye was in the same hand as the address. apd I eagerly seized and read it. It contained only these few words : “DEAR FBIEND,-â€"I received the two letters, here enclosed, and send them to you wmhout comment, as they speak for themselves. ~ ii‘Wiih kindest wishes for your happiness. I remain,â€"â€"Your friend. E R. The next letter I picked up was in a. strange hand and ran as follows : OCTOBER 8rd, 18â€" GREEN Co. INSANE ASYLUM " DEAR MADAM,â€"The enclosed packet was handed me by e. pstient calling himself Alfred Landis, just. a. year ago, wieh the request that I should keep it for a year. and then send it to its address. It is reported that El Mahdi's brother- in-lnw. after occupying Krws and Duem, has arrived at a. point within thirty miles of Khartoum. The Governor of Khartoum telegraphs that he is prepared to receive the enemy. Much difliculty has arisen from French opposition to the English policy. The Cabinet crisisaontinues,and discontent is universal. There is a. general cry for Ismail Pasha. or English annexe- tion. “ The patient, Landis, had been suffer- ing from acute mania, imagining himself the victim of a conspiracy. A little while before his death, however, he had a lucid interval, as frequently occurs in such oases, and it was in this brief time that he wrote and handed me this paeket,with the request I mentioned.â€"Very respectfully, Jms Bum), M. D., “ Sup‘t Greenville Insane Asylum. " To Mrs. Eleanor Rollins, New York. I opened the other note with an eager hand, and read as follows : “ Dam Enamoa,â€"When you receive this I shall have been dead for a year, and beyond the reach of all worldly reproach. I cannot bear to think of your having such a shock as this letter must give you, until absence has had time to obliterate in some degree your afieotion for.me. Love is a. religion of which the great pontifi is nature. Inlallible, tasteless, harmless, cathartic; for feverisélfiness, restlessness, worms, constipa- tion. 0. “ My name 13 not Rollins. That is the name of an old playmate of mine, whose strong resemblance to myself used to create a. great deal of comment. _ Thinkers are as source as gold ; but he whose thought embrsees all his subject, who pursues it uninterruptedly and tear- leas of consequences. is a diamond of enor- mous size.â€"Lavater. Ask for “ Rough on Coughs," for Coughs, Colds Sore Throat,Hoarseness. Troohes,150. Liquid, 50 Nervous Weakness, Dyspe sis, Impotence, Sexual Debility, cured by " 6115' Health Bo- newer." 31. Good breeding consists in having no par- ticular mark of any profession but a gen- eral elegance of manners. MOTHER SWAN’! WORM SYRUP I am very glad to any I have tried Hop Bitters, and never took anything that did me as much good. I only took two bottles, and I would not take $100 for the good they did me. I recommend them to my patients, and get the best results from their use. > “As I grew to manhood I fell into temptation, and disgraced myself and my family. I was ashamed of my name, and concluded to changeit and leave the section of country where I was known. Richard Rollins am this time was growmg wealthy, and his name and face were known all over the country. I commenced a' system of swindling by passing myself off under his name, imitating the out of his beard and hemâ€"and even his tricks of speech. It was a sharp game, and many a time I was on the brink of deflection. It is a singular fact. writes D. R. Locke (Nasby in Exile) from Naples to the Toledo Blade, that we are indebted to Pompeii for the great industry of canning fruit. Years ago, when the excavations were just begin- ning. a party of Cincinnatiane found in what had been the pantry of a house many jars of preserved figs. One was opened and they were found to be fresh and good. In- vestigation showed that the figs had been put into the jars in a heated state, an aper- ture left foi- the steam to escape, and then sealed with wax. The hint was taken, and the next year canning fruit was introduced into the United States, the process being identical with that in vogue in Pompeii 20 centuries ago. “ When I met you I had already ob- tained an immense sum of money by this means, and had concluded to live a quiet and steady life, if I could do so. You will remember how careful I was to live privately after we were married. I was afraid of your hearing the reports about me, and I studioust kept every newspaper from you that contained any allusion to me; for at that time they were full of susers at “the poor bankrupt, Rollins, who is now living in luxury,” etc. The anxiety and strain of those days brought on the brain troubles.whioh I have never been free from until the present time,when they tell me I must die in a few hours. Try to forgive me for my deception. and forget me as soon as you can. ALFRED LANDXS." What a flood of light was let in upon my mind by this revelation. I remembered Landia very well now, as a boy who had been very like me in appearance and who had afterward turned out badly and disap- peared from our native town. Here too was an explanation of Ike mys- terious paragraphs about me which had puzzled me so much from time to time, and the mysterious tattooed star was a mister; no_!onger. For Lamdia and I had taken the freak, as boys ofnen do, of imitating the marks we had seen on saiiors. and had used the same sin}; of {aedlp-pointsjo do the wqu with. All these things happened many years ago, and I am now getting on in life with a sweet and good wife and as fine a pair of boys as any man in the land. But I shall never forget: how for one year of my life I was an impostor in spite of myself. Bombay More Crowded Than London. (Manchester Examiner.) One'oi the results of the Indian census. the various returns of which are now being collated, is to show that Bombay. the second city in the British Empire, is more crowded than London itself. The density of population in London in the most densely peopled parts is less than the density of twelve most crowded sectiens of Bombay with a population of nearly 430,000 people. These sections have an average population of 458.57 persons per acre. In Bombay the average population is about 52 per acre; in London. 49. The extreme in London rises to 222 per acre, whereas in Bombay it rises to 759. The population of the sections in which the crowding is double that of the most crowded divisions of London. is equal to more than 37 per cent. of the total popula- tion, but the area of these sections is only 31} per cent. of the land. In other words, 37 per cent. of the population are crowded on 3} per cent. of the surface of the land. Need I tell how I flew to the side of her I loved and from whom nothing but death wart-ljver agaipfio pqrt me ? _ “ ROUGH 0N COUGIIS.” Beginning at Canned Frans. BECLINE OF MAN. HAYEBVILIJE, Ohio, Feb. 11, 1860. C. B. MERCER, M. D. Mark Twain on the Dangers of Travelling. The man in the ticket ofiioe said: " Have an accident insurance ticket also ? " “No,” I said, after studying the matter over a little. “ No, I believe not; I am gomg to be travelling by rail all day to-day. However. tomorrow I don’t travel. Give me one for to-morrovu." The man looked puzzled. He said: “But: it )E for accident insurance, and if you are going to travel by railâ€"’1 v " If I Em going to trsiel by rail I aha’n‘t need it. Lying at home in bed is the slung I am afraid of." I had been looking into this matter. Last year I travelled 20,000 miles. almost entirely by rail ; the year before I travelled over 25.000 miles. half by sea. and half by rail; and the year before that I travelled in the neighborhood of 10,000 miles, ex- clusively by rail. I suppose if I put in all the little‘ odd journeys here and there, I may say I have travelled 60,000 miles dur- ing the three years I have mentioned. And never an accident. A young girl named Frances Campbell, the daughter of the station master of the Intel-colonial RailWay at Campbellton. N. B., dropped on the floor of a. house of I'll- repute in Montreal last Wednesday night, and expired in a few minutes. from hun- orhage of the lungs. For a good while I said to myself every morning: “ Now I have escaped thus far. and so the chances are just that much increased that I shallcutch it this time. I will be shrewd, and buy an accident ticket." And to a dead moral certainty I DREW A BLANK and went to bed that night without a joint started or a bone splintered. I got tired of that sort of daily bother, and fell to buying accident tickets that were good for a month. I said to myself. “ A man can’t buy thirty blanks in one bundle." But I was mistaken. There was never a prize in the lot. I could read of railway accidents evary day~the newspaper atmosphere was foggy with them. but somehow they never came my way. I found I had spent a good deal of money in the accident business, and had nothing to show for it. My suspicions were aroused. and I began to hunt for somebody that had won in this lottery. I found plenty of people who had invested. but not an individual who had ever had an accident or made a cent. I stopped buying accident tickets and went to oiphering. The result was astounding. The peril lay not in travelling. but in staying at home. During the night of Friday last a man named Gilbert Gensaun started for his home, some five miles distant from a tavern at Little Mills, near Laurenceville. Que. Being lame and in liquor, he could not re- sist the severe cold, as well as the blinding storm, and so perished when within three acres of his own door. A mittened head above the snow was the only mark that led to the finding of the frozen body by a neighbor. The deceased was 60 years of age, and leaves a wife and three children. The moral of {his czrmpneixion ia.tha.t thoughtless people grumble more than is fair about railroad management. When we consider that every day and night of the year fully 14,000 railway trains of vari- ous kinds, freighted with life and armed with death, go thundering over the land. the marvel is, not that; they kill 800 human beings in a. twelvemonth, but that they do not kill 300 times 300. San Francisco is one-eighth as populous as New York; there are 60 deaths a week in the former and 500 a week in the latter â€"il they have luck. That is 3,120 deaths a year in San Francisco, and eight times as many' in New Yorkâ€"say 25,000 or 26,000. The health of the two places is the same. So we will let it stand as a fair presumption that this will hold good all over the country, and that consequently 25,000 out of every million of people we have must die every year. That amounts to one-fortieth of our total population. ONE MILLION OF US THEN DIE ANNUALLY. Out of this million ten or twelve thousand are stabbed, shot, drowned, hanged, poisoned or met similarly violent death in some other popular way, such as perishing by kerosene, lamp and hoop skirt conflagration, getting buried in coal mines, falling off housetops, breaking through church or lecture-room floors, taking patent medicines or commit- ting suicide in other forms. The Erie Rail- way kills from twenty-three to forty-six ; the other 845 railroads kill an average of one-third of a man each ; and the rest of that 1,000,000, amounting in the aggregate tothe appalling figure of 987,631 corpses. die naturally in their beds! You will excuse» me from taking any more chances on those beds. The railroads are good enough for me. And my advice to all people is, don’t stay home any more than you can help; but when you have got to stay home awhile buyapackage of those insurance tickets and sit up nights. You cannot be too cautious. [One can see now why I answbred that. ticket agent in the manner recorded at the top_9f this algetc‘hJ~ ‘ I HUNTED UP STATISTICS and was amazed to find that after all the glaring newspaper headings concerning railroad disasters, less then 300 people had really lost their lives by those disasters in the preceding twelve months. The Erie road was set down as the most murderous in the list. It had killed 46 -or 26, 1 do not exactly remember which, but I know the number was double that of any other road. But the feet straightaway suggested itself that the Erie was an immensely long road. and did more business than any other line in the country ; so the double number of killed ceased to be matter for surprise. By further figuring. it appeared that between New York and Rochester the Erie ran eight passenger trains each way every day~sixteen altogetherâ€"and car- ried a daily average of 6.000 per- sons. This is about a million in six months, the population of New York city. Well, the Erie kills from thirteen to twenty‘three persons out of its 1.000.000 in six months; and in the same time 18,000 outoi New York‘s 1,000,000 died in their beds! My flesh crept; my hair stood on end. “ This is appalling," I said. “ The danger isn’t in travelling by rail, but in trusting to those deadly beds. I will never sleep ma bed again.” I had figured on considerably less than one-half the length of the Erie road. It was plain that the entire road must transport at least 11000 or 12,000 people every day. There are many short roads running out of Boston that do fully half as much ; a great many such roads. There are many roads scat- tered about the Union that do THE PERILS OF HOME. A PEQDIGIOUB PASSENGER BUSINESS, therefore it was fair to presume that an average of 2,500 passengers a. day for each road In the country would be about correct. There are 846 railways in our country. and 846 times 2500 are 2,115,000. So the rail- ways of America. move more than 2,000,000 people every dayâ€"650 000,000 of people a year, without counting the Sundays. They do that tooâ€"there is no question about itâ€" though where they get the raw material is not clear beyond the jurisdiction of my arith- metic ; for I have hunted the census through and through. and I find that there are not that many people in the United States by a matter of 610,000,000 at the very least. They must use some of the same people over again, likely. WHO MOST NEED AGGIDENT INSURANGE. Perished In Ihe Snow. Danced to Death. is shed thing. but Dr. Pieroe’s " Favorite Prescription” deserves its name. It is a certain cure for those painful maladies and weaknesses which embittet tahe lives of so many women. 01 druggists. Virtue will catch as wall as vice by contact; and the public stock of honest, manly principle will daily accumulate.â€" Burke. Being entirely vegetable, no particular care is required while using Dr. Pierce‘e “ Pleasant Pnrgative Pellets." They oper- ate without disturbance to the constitution, diet or occupation. For sick headache, constipation, impure blood, dizziness, sour eructations from the stomach, bad taste in mouth, bilious attacks, pain in region of kidney, internal fever. bloated feeling about stomach, rush of blood to head. take Dr. Pieroe’s “ pellets." By druggists. The export of diamonds from the Cape between Aug. let and Nov. 30th. inclusive, amounted in value to less than $5,000. pa}? 'mon‘ If bilious, or sufiering from impunty of blood. or weak lungs and fear consumption (aorofuloua disease of the lungs), take Dr. Pieroe‘s “ Golden Medical Discovery " and it will cure you. By druggisbs. A lady was asked the reason why she always came so early to church. “ Be- cause," said she. “ it is part of my religion never to disturb the religion of others." IL QUENTLY observe an almost complete suspension of the (auctions of nutrition. The machine oi’ the body being nearly worn out, the feebe stomach? is one 19 to digest and assimilate food to I nourish and repair the exhausted frame and sustain the vital forces. Such systems having feeble powers of resistance suffer much from extremes of temperature, and succumb easily to disease, from which they rally with difiicula tox- want of constitutional vigor. Here Dr. heeler's Compound Elixir of Phosphates and Oelissya is invaluable to restnre the waste of tissues, and prevent prostration and eneral debility. by furnishing the elements of I one, muscle and nerve. in an easily assimileble orm. Every man ham bhrec characters: fhct which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he hamâ€"A Karr. :33, Diamond Dyes are so perfect and so beautiful that it is I pleasure to use them. Equally good for dark or light colors. 10 cents. Women are right to crave beauty at any price, ainoe beauty is the only merit that men do not contest with themâ€"A. Dupuy. 3, “ Neglect old friends for the sake of new, and lose both." But remember that Kidneyâ€" Wort is a. friend you cannot afford to neglect. Plasters may relieve, but they cen't cure that lame back, for the kidneys are the trouble and you wanna. remedy to not directly on their secre- tions, to purif and restore their healthy condi- tion. Kidney- art has that specific action. He who indulges in enmity is like one who throws ashes to windward, which come back to the same place and cover him all over. ‘Lydie. E. Pinkham, whose benevolent face is shadowed in almost every paper we pick up, appears tohave discovered what Addiron cells "The fiend elixir, to support the spirita of human nature." It is quite evident that she has the patent and be: secured the common for makmg over and improvin the invalid corps of American Womanhood.â€"- lobe. A minister in Orkney used to pray that all good influences “might cleave to the hearts of his congregation, and to their children's hearts, like butter to bare bun- noeke l" . School oommitteeman examining scholar: “Where is the north pole?’ "I don’t know, air." “Don‘t know! Are you not ashamed that you don't know where the north pole is?" “ Why, sinif Sir John Franklin end Dr. Kane and Captain De- Long couldn’t find it, how should I know where it In ?” MONG THE AGED WE FRE- Favoritism PI. AGE to “owe a. Business Edncgtpon or Bpnnggriggj’en- mn" 7’ V iii 7 ‘if “in " "fifdifi we a I no: pue- FOB THE NEWS. [WEB All] URINERY DBMS Till! BEST BLO0II Pl’RlFllIll. There is only one we. - by which any disease can beeured, end that is y removing the causeâ€" whatever it may be. The great medical anthorv itiee of the day declare that neerliy every disease is caused by deranged kidneys orl ver. To restore thee herefore is the only way by, which health can be secured. Here is where \ urner’s Salt lure has achieved its great re untied It acts directly upon the kidneys and ver and b pine them in a. healthy condition drives ieeesa and {gin tram the af'stem. For all Kidno , Liver nngl rinpry troub ex}, for thqrdisfrieaa ng dis u...~.., _. v- ___- ______, them ‘in a. healthy Eafiaiiiiifiriirlves diiessa and pain h" 1m the system. Egr al_l_K_idnoy, Liypr orders of women, for Malaria. and physical troubles generally this great remedy has at. equal. Yewmre oi imposwra, imitations an: oonooctio a said to be just as good. For Diabetes ask for Wurner’u Sun: "In betel Cure. For sale by all dealers. Toronto.0nt. Rochester. N. Y London Eng. " Madden, Mum, Fen. 1, 1380. Gentlemenâ€" I suffered wlch attacks of sick headache." Neuralgia. female troubles. for yem‘s in the 111951: terribk and 9xcrucintipg mpnuer. no or doctor could give me rolls! or cure me until I used Bop Bitters. “ The first bottle Nearly cured 1116;" The second made me as well and strong on when a. child. " And I have been so to this day." My husband was an inValid for twenty years with n. nerious " Kidney. liver and urinary complaint, " Pronounced by Boeton'a best physiciansâ€" “ Incurablel " Seven bottles 0! your hitters cured him and know of the " Lives of eight persons " In my neighborhood that have been saved your bittere, And many more are using them with great benefit. “ They almost Do miracles? " â€"â€"Mrs. E. D. Slack. 110 are suffering from Nuwous Dxmnm Los'r Vqule LACK on Nnnvn Foncn AN “IGOR, WABTING meunssns. and all those diseaaa: at 3 PERSONAL NATURE resuming from Auvsns am? 0mm Guyana. Speedy relief and complete resto ration of HEALTH,VIGOR and anoon Gm “ANTEED The grandest discovery of the Nineteenth a lenturg sand at page 1' ur Illustrawd Pamphlettm Adana. to ME?! may, yougm 011025 The above is 3 good likeness of Mrs. Lydia. E. Hab- llun, of Lynn, Man, who above all other human being! my be truthfully called the “Dear Friend of Woman," .35 some ct her correspondents love to call her. film is zealously devoted to her work, which is the outcome or I litestudy, and is obliged to keep six lady admits, to help her answer the large correspondent» which duly pawn in upon her, each bearing its special Mar. 0! uttering, or joy M; release iron: it. Her Veceutle Compound is a medicine for good and not evil purposes. I have personally investigated it and un satisfied of the truth of chin. Hnan. Editors :â€" On account of its proven menu. it 15 recommended Incl prescribed by the besc physicians in the country. One says: “It works like a charm and save: much yam. Itwillcure entirely the wont firm 0: hung of the uterus, Lennon-ham, irrigate;- 93a painful Menstruation, all Ovarian Troubles, Irfiamintica and momflon,Floodh.gs, all Displacemema and the con- lequent spmelweckzess, and is especim‘iy adapted to the Change of Life." It permeates every portion or the first-ea, sum the. new 111's and vigor. It removes faintness, flatulency. demys all craving tar stimulzmts, an) relieves weak- ness of the stomach. It. cures Emu: g, Headache; Nervous Proatraticn, General 'Debflty, Sleepkmea, Depression and Indigestion. That feeling of beating down, causing min, weight- and tackac'nz. is alwayl permanently cureé by its use. It will at all times, and under all' circumstances, act In tummy with this law that governs the female system. 1!; gm: only 81. per bottle or six :0: $5., and is sold by dragging. Any advice required as to special mag, and the names of many who have been restored to perfect health by the use of the Vegetable Compound, can be obtained by uddresflng Mrs. P., with stamp tor reply. at her home in Lynn, Mags. “lira. Plnkham’s Liver Pills,” says one writer, "Ar. the mt in the world for the cure of Constipation, Bfilonsness and Torpidity of the liver. Her Blood Purifier works wonders in it? special line and bids M to equal the Compound :‘1‘ :2.» pupulnr“ For Kidney Cemplaint 61: either sex this compound” unsurpassed as abundant testimonials show. All must W hE‘ as .‘m Angn’ a." .‘ Arm c 2' C'DTCIB ambition iw to do good to other:. Y‘me P3. (1 11171. A ’L {A When I an cure 1 no nun mam xncrmy tonp mam fir n um: and t “in have thorn re u'n again, I mean a. rad!- cal cure. I have mndn the (1. use of FITS, EPILEPSY or FALLING SICKNESq a m. .1 up; study. I warrantmy remedy to cum the W4”'~<l v 1-:. Because others hava lulled a no rensnn for n ‘nw r'-*(‘r'i\‘lng a cure. Sandi: once for a treatise an ' 5.; Burma or my infallible remedy. Give Exprcsi a AM (mice. It calls you no‘mngfor a trial, and l \ rum you. v ddreas Dr. 1‘. J 1:000‘ .33 Pearl Sm. New York. 1mm am on. "AngAuAggLulgn. A NOTED BUT UNTI'I‘LED WOW. II. ILWARNER a: (30., [From the Baston Global OHAPTEB I1- 76: _fialEria Wa’l’ld’ ph§sioal this great remedy has no impqswra, {mimtiona and Because others hnva nivlngacnre. Sandi: [mum of my infallible <L (mice. It calls you