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A Voice From the Farm. You say that my life is a. round of toil ? Tho stalwart farmer said, That 1 source can wrest from the oft-tilled soil My pittance of daily bread ? Well, what you tell me in part is true, I am seldom an idle man, But I value the blessing of rest, as you, W110 have much of it, never can. 11nd surely I have never worked in vain, From the spring to the golden fall ; The harvest has ever brought waving grain, Enough and to spare for all. And when in the evening free from care, I sit at my farm house door, My wife and little ones Waiting there, Oh, what has the millionaire) more ? My children may never have ham-(led wealth ‘ Their lives may at times Le rough ; But if in their homes they’ve love and health They will find these riches enough. The only land they Wlll ever own, 15 the land that the strong right arm And the patient; fearless heart alone Can till to a. fertile farm. I have nothing beyénd my‘simple wants, Anal; little for cloudy days ; But up grim'spgctre' my th 'eshold haunts; “.3 ~AIA . 1+ Vang ..t3uen 3.3 auvur mm. gmu “up” .w ‘ . Around me are eyes that with sparkhug mu‘th Or with placid contentment shineâ€"â€" And 11b Wealth-clogged lord upon all the earth Has a lot more blessed than mine. ' To-morroW. g wBind up a wreath and give it me ‘Béi‘ore this dull day closes, A injthe garlands let there be 5‘ e thorns as well as roses; 46 Weave violets in and greenest buys. 4‘ Weave willow for my sorrow, ' Sad flowers for the yesterday, ,1 White lIlies for to-morrow. White lilies, for they tell of peace Beyond the gates of even, gNVlyare Whispers of the soul’s release , .Seem mystic hints of Heaven, And yesterday, but that has gone, ‘ And so I needs must borrow ~ A hope of that, swift coming (lawn, The promise of to-morrow. ForeVer more to-morrow lends Bright visions of completeness; True lovers, and the steadfast, friends Wth faces full of sweetness ; But backward all seems dim and grey, And vaguely touched with sorrow; I care not for your yesterday It I may have to-morrow. Mothers-in-Luw as They Are. [Was young onc‘b myselfâ€"and I think, like as not, . . . I was smart as the best of 'em than ! I kuowed so blame much that I'm glad I've for- got , And can‘ ‘ckollcct it again I But as sm as _I wasâ€"â€"a.nd I‘m certain of thatâ€"â€" 1 was ne‘ver so-smart that folks saw. Anybfiams sproutin’ up through the t-Op of my at, Wth I laughed at the mother-inJaw I The mother-iu-luw was a wm7L-1nâ€"but we Didn't. count that, and neither do you.“ One had a. young daughter Lustxo go see, And play the accordion to ; ' But thou arctic old Woman, half gloom and half g are; V That; would neither freeze solid, n'er thaw, Knowcd What she was doin’, and why she set mu nu 5“... “L”, d .Suehias silver and gold night raise, ' | r L 1% u» N“ We all know the value of hot applica- tions, but the mode of making and the applying differ in almost every house. An exchange gives the following: “XVring several thicknesses of 'flnnnel out of cold water, so it will not drip ; place between two folds of paper, and lay it upon a. hot register or top of a. stove. Steam will generate and permeate the whole cloth. and thus the required temperature will be obtained. In this way there is no running long distances to 9. kitchen. no burning of ‘the‘hands, no uncomfortable moisture in the bed and no ruffled tempers. A hot fementation is beneficial in almost» every acute disease accompanied by severe pain, and isroften of great service in chronic inflammations. It is more effectual and more accessible than any other therapeutic agent. By Quick, prompt and thorough use severe ittacks 'of illness are often pre- ventedlkâ€"Hemld of Health. She was sound, like the most of ’cm is, and Si meant Jest a-havin‘ full jestice ‘er none ; And as fer this mother-in-law foolishness went She remembered 7m: mot-her was one. I remember, myse’f, beiu' struck that way An £13 gnthel‘in’ onc’t, where I saw My Wife weepin‘ over the clods and the clay At the grave pf her mother-in-law 1 JAMES WIIITCOMB RILEY There ise. prophecy which is_ widely be- lieved/invby ‘the' German peofyle; who' are somewhat superstitious: Germany ig to be the greatest, it saysfunder "a; young“ ruler who has but one arm, and has four sons. He is'to succeed an" aged sovereign, carry ‘b‘fi“"a‘.‘ great war Sliccessfully, and prove another Frederick-the Great. The Get- mans seein ’this the destiny of Prince William, who was born with one arm partly deformeaâ€"‘éhort and stiff. Ana they see in his character all the require- ments of the _ prophecy, even down to the four song. But the power of Germany will wane after this ruler, and she will go down and become 'an insignificant nation. So runs the prophecy.â€"-â€".$‘t., Stephen’s Review. The past is pastâ€"ah! dead indeed, ' I Wer not for its-going. , Its hantoms weird no man; I heed ., ‘T- an west Winds Wildly blowing; Press outward, aye, and upward heart, \Vhile I m gladnoss borrow, For hope an 15113.11 never part While I can have to-morrow. there, And 'ud not be my moth erâ€"inâ€"law ! (Why Don’t You Advertise ? She was an editor’s daughter and he was a. young merchant whose business was not alarmipgly great._ Said he: ‘ Pia 7â€"-.. T unuu 0..) an..." “ Darling, my heart yearns for you. I dream of you by night, and think of you by day. Will you be mine, Nellie ? You know the bible says it is not well for man to live alone." 7 v ' â€" - w .- m- emff'l‘hen, why don’t you aflvertise?”â€" Lincoln Journal. _'._._.__ It; Was the Number He Thought Of. _Brown (with a. sigh)â€"â€"Tha.t Robinson is a lucky dog. He has been married eight years and has got two ashzmdsome children as I ever saw. Smithâ€"YB-u ought not to envy Robinson, Brown. Your children are as fine as his. Something Appropriate. “ I'm in earch of a useful present for a literary gentleman,’_’ said a. prim young lady_entering a. book-store. - 1!L,_._L.__.._ .‘.. 1A.. “‘5:- Brown (with another sigh)â€":Ah, yea ; but there are seven of ’em. ' “He’s a. paragrapher on a. religious papeffl‘ u l A :I L‘L- L--1.-.\IL... "731391;? fibgtilighr of literature is be interested ?" The mifiisher was dining with the family, and he said to Bobby, with an amused W5 that case,” returned the bookseller, ” I would suggest an almanac.”â€"Judgc. “Maul-’1'): afraid, Bobby, that you haven‘t the patience of J ob." “ No, sir,” responded Bobby, who was hungry, “but Job Wasn’t always helped lastl’ smile : ire-3k “ What is your specialty, my friend ‘2' finqqired the visitor of a. dime museum A young German officer, rather new to his work, was drilling a squad of raw recruits and gave the word of command, “Lift the right leg.” One of the soldiers by mistake raised his left leg, so that it joined closely to the right leg of his neigh- bor. “What jackanapes «has lifted both legs?” exclaimed the officer.â€"Fliegcndc Blatter. door.’ ” The old brick church at Smithfield, Va., built in 1632, is still in use for divine wor- ship. It has recently been repaired and gives evidence of lasting a. century or ‘0va longer. A One-armed Killer of Germany. iihenomenal intelligence.” In what direction does it lie ?” I’m the man who always ‘ shuts the Another Great Living Curiosity. Hot Fomentnt‘ions. Not a Parallel Case. From the Farm. ah! dead indeed â€"Em ostMcGafiney. of ’cm is, and she Fnon an examination of 100,000 persons, Prof. Erismann, of St. Petersburg, finds that those engaged in textile manufactures, especially spinners, are inferior to other workingmen in stature, chest measurcment, bodily weight and muscular strength. . Arrm‘. more than a quarter of a century of active and distinguished service, James H. Stoddart, LL.D., retires from the editor- ship of the Glasgow Harald. He has made it the most widely circulated of North } British newspapers. ' MISS qucrs E. WILLARD, the temper- ‘ ance orator, recently declared that she has i “ never known a single physically reason able day since that sweet May morning” in her 16th year when she was first clothed upon with long petticoats, corsets, high heels, crinolines and the other instruments of female torture. HISTORY repeats itself. President Grevy lost his position in France becauée he de- fenfled his son-inâ€"law, and now King Kalakaua’s crown is in danger because the i Hawaiian monarch is sticking by his brotherâ€"in-law. He is the Wise ruler who places his relations to the people above hir relations by marriage. As ANOTHER of the ma‘ny evidences We an now hailing of the revival of British ship, building, Londoh;,cablegrams state thu' orders have recently been placed for new steamships of an aggregate of eighty thouc. and tons. This in itselfis no inconsiderib‘e fleetâ€"â€"say, twenty ships of 4,000 tons each, all of steel. DR. CHARLES MACKAY has in hand'a chhlvhkl "J u“. _ a present from the Society for Promoting the Use 01 Russian Materials. The Czarina has taken great interest in this organiza- tion. Her enthusiasm, however, will not cause her to use the sewing-machine in all probability. ,. .. .11-ue LaST Cliristmas ex-Gov. Alger, of Michi~ gan, gave a. suit of clothes to each of 500 Detroit newsboys. This year, he has sup- plied 1,500 bays of Detroih with a similar outfit, and in addition sent a. ton of coal and a. barrel of flour to each of 1,000 needy families in the same‘ city. This is ,1, A"... Ams ior the big Nova. Scotia lumber mm The U. s. vessel Enterfirise, which was sent; out to cruise for .the derelict, has returned to New31Mndvn‘ with. the an- nouncement that she encountered during her brief voyage no end of logs dancing around upon the‘ agitated bosom of the wild and wasteful Ocean. This seems to be conclusive as to the breaking up of the big raft. cggr‘i.£;r~0f Epmcticnl kind for Alger ! A CHICAGO clothing manutacturer says that he is obliged to pay particular atten- tion to the hip poukets which he puts in trousers destined for the Western trade. His Kansas and Iowa. customers demand a. pocket capable of Holding a‘quart flask, but- for the far West grade the pocket is made deep and narrow, with an unusually strong lining, so that a. pistol will fit snugly in it. JOHN BENSON, a. friendless man living at 1 Indianapolis. has asked the County Com- ‘ missioners to allowbim to pass the re- mainder of his days in the poorhouse, promising onhisdeath to bequeath to the county $8,000 in 4 per cent. Govern- ment. bonds. He says that he has lost all confidence in humanity and has concluded that he would be mfav in the poorhouse than anywhere else. A BRICK, says a technical paper, being about as porous as a lump of sugar, and having six sides, needs a careful filling for water-tight work ,in cess-pools, etc., and a thin grout or porridge of cement is com- monly used. Heating the brick and soak- ing beforehand in thick "Coal-tar has been recommended. A man may lay common wall all his life without learning how to make brick water-tight. PROF. BLACKIE, the well-Known Scofich- man, has raised an admiring laugh this week by his response to One of the numer- ous inquiries now going the rounds for opinions as to the best; books. He was invited by an editor to name three of the best works for young men, and he picked ‘out Green’s “History of the English 1 People.” Nasmyth’s“ Aut obiogm’phy,” and Blackie’s ” Self-Culture.” He adds Na. “whimsica1_a.pology for naming his own ~4-~ A! “n book, 1' better». THE authorities of Dresden, Germany. will not allow a piano to be played in a private house after 10.30 at night, and they punish with a fine any person found throw- ing an article of refuse, however insignifi. cant, into the 'etreet. Flagmen are sta- tioned at the corners of streets intersected by horse-car lines to warn persons of the approach of a car. Drug stores are closed at sundown, and when a druggist is called up in the night he appears with all the politeness of a dancing-master to thank the customer for his courtesy in patronizing his store. PROF. WARMAN, in his treatise on oaths, says: All forms of oath-taking are imma- terial. The Jew ends with, “ So help me, Jehovah.” The Scotchman says, “_I swear by Almighty God as I shall answer to God at the great day of judgment.” A Mo- hammedan is sworn on the Koran ; a Chinese witness is sworn by kneeling and ‘ breaking a china saucer against the wit- ness box ; the Quaker simply says he will tell the truth because he believes the com- mand to be truthful is divine. The essential thing, however, is that the witness acknow- ledge some binding effect derived from his belief in a God or in a future state. COL. GEORGE P. BISSELL, of Hartford, Conn, spent last summer in Japan. The most remarkable feature of that country, he says, lies in the fact that its language contains no profane or blasph’emous words. “ I can readily understand,” he remarks, “ why the practice of ‘ hari-kari ’ is so common in Japan. When a man is abused or loses his collar button and is mad all the way through, so mad that his very soul boils within him, if at such time he is the victim of a language which will not let him vent his rage even in ‘ darn it ’ or “ by thunder,’ why thenI can readily see how suicide might be a soothing relief.” Tm: chances of war in Europe may alter the plans of Madame Modjeska and her husband relative to a holiday in their Polish home. “ Should the war come on,” said the actress a few days ago, “the greater part of the fighting would be in our immediate neighborhoodâ€"where our home is, you seeâ€"and that would not be pleasant. Our residence is in Cracow, and Cracow is situated where the Russian, German and Austrian frontiers meet. Our residence is in the very midst of the fortifications. So, you see, we would be in trouble if we went there.” Her country- men like the Austrians much- better than the Russians, she thinks, and for cause. A MEMORIAL cairn has been raised at Aber- field, Scotland, to the deeds of the gallant “ Forty-Twa.” or “Black Watch,” High- land regiment. The north panel bears the names of the engagements in which the corps has borne part as follows : Fontenoy, Prestonpans, Fort Sandberg, Ticonderoga, Martinique, Guadaloupe, Havannah, Busby Run, Brooklyn, Fort Washington, Charles- town, Aboukir, Alexandria, Egypt-1801, Corunna, Busaco, Fuentes d’Onor, Ciudad CURRENT TOPIC S on”... MrvAv ___ but declarethe honévsrtly kBows of no clothing manufacturer says Nova. Scotia lumber Three cheers Rodrigo, Burgos, Salamanca, Pyrenees, Vittoria, Niville, Nive, Toulouse, Orthez, Waterloo, Alma, @‘gbngfiopol, Lupknoyv, W uwuuu, uium, u ...... rm, _._,,, , Egypt, Aahanteo, Nile, Tel-el-Kebir, Kir- beekan. ACCORDING to one authority one pound of E bananas contains more nutriment than '; three pounds of meal or us many pounds of potatoes, While as a food it is in everyi sense superior to the wheat-en bread. Although it grows spontaneously through- ‘out the tropics, whenjcultivat-ed its yield is ‘ prodigious, for an acre of ground planted with bananas will return as much food material as thirty-three acres of wheat or over one hundred acres of potatoes. It is not generally understood that bananasâ€" fried, baked or roastedâ€"are very appetiz- ing, and that sliced and placed in a dish with alternate slices of orange they make a most delicious dessert. SAN Reno, where the German Crown Prince is staying, about 7 miles east of the frontier dividing Italy from France, 16 I from Mentone, 31 from Nice and 85 from i dance, is a town of 16,000 inhabitants. Its bay, protected at the western extremity by Cape Nero, 800 feet high, and by Cape Verde, 350 feet high, at the east end, is too shallow for a commercial harbor,but is per- ‘fectly sheltered, except to the south and southeast; while behind the town, a com- ?lete amphitheatre of hills, rising to 4,300 eat in Monte Bignone, and nowhere less than 3,500 feet, shuts out all northerly winds. ~ I ' ~ THE famous Children’s Christmas Club, of Washington, of which Miss Nellie A. Arthur was once President, supplied a Christmas dinner to be given to the children of; the poor.. The members wear badges of white ribbonngitha diminutive sleighébell attached to each. The club is one which could well be imitated in other cities for its useful and charitable pur- poses. It might be added, says the Boston Journal, that one Christmas club organized uqu nut, nun-u qu uuuuuu..... v"... v.c_.___,“, in a neighboring city has grown from its first work of preparing a. Christmas tree and dinner to a. charitable organization covering the wide field of visiting and relieving the'poor all the year round. EL‘STON SQUARE, in London, England, is lighted by a new light which is believed to possess many aflvantages. Ordinary coal gas, mixea in about the proportion of one to eight of common air, is supplied under the usual gas-service pressure to burners over which are placed caps of platinum Wire gauze. The mixture, when lighted, burns without flame around the cap, which is raised to a' brilliant white heat by the combustion. The light is perfectly steady. there being no flame, and is not affected by wind or rain. More than twice as much light, it is saia, is obtained, with a given consumption of gas, as by the old system. Twenty burners replace fifty of the old kin&, and light a platform 900 feet in length“ .i Loan Brussm', who was one of the most prominent members of Mr. Gladstone’slast adminietration, and who has just returned from a yachting expedition around the African and Australian coast-s, is a great admirer of the colored race. In a letter to the London Times he writes; “The capa- bilities of the colored race are nowhere seen to greater advantage than at Sierra Leone. They supply the official staff of the Government. A colored barrister of. marked ability is the leader of the Bar and makes a professional income of $15,000 a year. The day seems drawing near when it will no longer be necessary to send out Englishmen to administer the Government in a climate so often fatal to Europeans.” LEADING men in the lumber trade have under consideration the necessity of an important reform. It is estimated that the reduction of a log to boards averages the turning of fully one-sixth of the whole into sawdqst. For every 1,000 feet of lum- ber that are turned out by the mill 200 feet are now reduced to powder, which used to have no known value and now is employed only as fuel. This waste was of little con- sequence a few years ago, when the forests of pine seemed to be inexhaustible, but now that a scarcity' of the raw material threatens the trade it is asked if a large partoi this cannot be avoided. The econ- omical views of the thinkers at present are i turned to the bandsaw as the one which will save at least. a quarter of the waste that is inseparable from the forms of saw now in use. CAN 9. man cough himself to pieces? At an inquest recently held on an inmate of the Borough Asylum, considerable interest was attached to the finding of a broken rib in the body of the atient. The doctor who gave evidence en eavored to point out that under some abnormal conditions bones may be broken during life by muscular efforts, or even by the act of violent cough- ing. The coroner, in commenting upon this, appeared to have much difficulty in recognizing the existence of such an un- usual ..oecurrence,-an& naively stated to the jury that they would doubtless have equal hesitation in appreciating the learned theory that it was possible for a. man to cough himself to pieces! A perusal of the writings of Dr. Weir Mitchell and Pro- fessor Charcot will show that spontaneous fracture of the bones in locomotor ataxv is not uncommon; the importance of this in lmedico-legal inquiries is yvorth remember- u.vm__- .VD, , A ihg, and throws. much light upon questions affecting the treatment of the insane. A most wonderful invention is reported from Vienna. A31 Austrian engineer has, it is said, designed a truck to run before every railway train, being maintained always at a fixed but adjustable distance in front by the force of an electric current transmitted along the metals from a dyna- mo on the engine. The current is con- ducted through mercury contained in glass tubes on the pilot truck. If, therefore, the truck comes into collision the tubes are broken and the contact consequently destroyed. The interruption of the cur- rent instantly and automatically applies the brakes on the following train. It is claimed by the inventor that two expresses, fitted with this system, might with im- punity be set to run full tilt at each other. The collision of their pilot trucks would arrest the progress of both trains before they could meet. The element of human fallibility is accordingly entirely eliminated and drivers may dash through a whole series of danger signals without risk, being automatically arrested the moment they reach the spot that is really dangerous. A WASHINGTON correspondent writes: Everybody knows the poem beginning, “ ’Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,” but very few know anything about its author or his family. The poem is brought to mind by the fact that Mrs. James H. Young, who died recently in Washington, was the widow of the gentleman who wrote the familiar lines. Mr. Young was born in Laurel, a little town in Maryland, about twenty miles from this city, and was first a doctor and then an artist. Finally he entered the Episcopal church and became a clergy- man. He died in Washington some years ago. When his widow died recently she left all her husband’s manuscripts to Dr. Noble Young, of this city, her brother-in- law, and they are being examined with the view of seeing what can be done with them. There are some unpublished poems among the papers, but none- of them are likely to be as famous as the story of Santa Claus. > MRS. ELIZA J. NICHOLSON is the only woman in this country, probably the only woman in the world, who is proprietor and editor-in-chief of a. daily newspaper. Mrs. Nicholson was the widow of Col. Holbrook, editor and proprietor of the New Orleans Picayune, who, at the time of his death; left that paper with a. debt of $85,000. His Wife had done regular editorial work on the paper during his lifetime, and as she was devoted to journalistic work sheaetermined ‘ to continue in, contrary to the advice of all her friends, who wished her to take the 3 $1,000 allowed her by law and abandon the ’} paper. The business manager, Mr. Nichol- l son, alone counselled her to go on,and stood E by her with the staff. Within two years 3 her conduct of the paper not only put it on Eflpgyi-géfibzisis bfit *Wipcd out “Ehé $85,000 debt. She afterward married Mr. Nichol- son, who became a. widower shortly after her husband’s death. She is a. fragilelittle woman :r-EPHr-râ€"Pnl-urxv - 1 05,000. :ncver hope to A Rich California Girl Who Married 3 Con sumptive to Gain Social Freedom. The death at the little town of Mayfield, near the Stanford University, of a young and consumptive printer named Frank McKee, completes a curious story of a rich young girl’s folly. Seven years ago Abram Brown, of Oakland, died, leaving property to his only daughter, Frankie, valued at $50,000. She attained her ma- jority a little over a year ago, and then assumed control of the property, which brought in an annual income of about She took a trip to Highland Springs, and there a lively widow per- suaded her that she ought to become a widow herself in order to enjoy the social freedom that an unmarried woman can gain. Full ot the project, she returned to Oakland and formed the acquaintance of Capt. and Mrs. K. M. Apgar. To them she confided her longing for social emancipation. She declared she was bound to become a widow, and thought if she could marry some man who was on his death-bed it would be about the right thing. Apgar agreed that if she was determined to marry,and for the purpose stated, it would be advisable to have the thing settled with as little publicity as possible. He accordingly introduced this peculiar young woman to Dr. Dupuy. Dr. Dupuy de- clared that he knew of just the man to suit Miss Brown’s wish in the person of a poor printer named Frank McKee, who had a beautiful case of consumption, and who could not possibly live more than a month. Miss Brown thought that she had found just the man she wanted, and agreed to look at the subject. 0n the following day she and Apgar went to the office of Dr. Dupuy, where the medical man exhibited his consumptive. Miss Brown looked him over with a critical eye, thumped his chest vigorously. and made him cough several times for the purpose of ascer- taining if the investment was a safe one. She finally concluded that she would take the chances of his living. McKee con- sented to marry the girl for a money con- sideration and the pair were wedded by Justice Wood. They did not depart toge- ‘ ther. It had been agreed that the husband should go and die by himself. The wife gave him @100 before the ceremony took place, and agreed to pay Dr. Dupuy $100 with which to defray the expenses of a comfortable death-bed for her husband. McKee failed to keep his promise, however, and strangely insisted on living. In fact, he grew alarmingly healthy. He met his wife a few months after and got some money from her. Dupuy received a liberal commission, and it is charged that Apgar got a fee. Finally Mrs. McKee refused to be bled. any more and departed for the East. The story leaked out and created a great sensation in Oakland. McKee fol- lowed her to Indiana, but she refused to see him. She then departed this fall for Europe, and is said to be in Carlsbad. Another curious feature of the affair is that Apgar died on the same day as McKee.â€" San Francisco despatch to Chicago Herald. Said a railroad man to me today: “ I’ll bet not one in a hundred of the people who travel on railroad trains understand how the pressure of air is used to apply the brakes to a train. When the air Erake was first invented the air was turne into the cylinder under each car when the car was to be stopped, and the pressure was exerted to force the brakes up against the wheels. But at the present day the brakes are held against the wheels by springs, and the air is turned into the cylinders to push the brakes away from the wheels as long as the train is in motion. When it is desired to stop the train the air is let out, and then the springs apply the brakes and step the train. This last method of using air pres éfié'has great advantage over fife old-way on the score of safety. _ _ “Whenever an accident happens to a. train, one of the first effects it is apt to have is to rupture the air pipes leading from the engine to the cylinders under the cars; and that of itself stops the train in- stantly. It is very important for everybody to understand this matter, because a child 5 years old can stop a train in thirty seconds from any car in the train, if he simply understands how. You will see, if you look for it, that there is a sort of rope projecting from the toilet-mom of every cat. That connects with the air pipes under the train. If you catch hold of it, and give it a little jerk, it will stop the train before it has gone 200 yards.”â€"Ohicaga Journal. One Woman Appreciated. (Kansas City Times.) In an unfrequented spot in Bellefontaine Cemetery, St. Louis, there are two graves, over one of which is a. modest tombstone with the following insoription upon it : Fancy and Realism. Little Nellâ€"‘Mamma, I Wish you’d let me read a. novel. Manamaâ€"Don’t mention such a thing. " But novels tell things just as they are in life, don’t they? ” “ Yes. Now ask'no more questions.” “ Susie Minx has got such a. lovely novel, andâ€"” “ What? Did you read any of it ? ” “Only the last line. It said : “And so they got married and were happy ever after.“ Mr. Smith (with a. sigh of relief) holding it aloftâ€"Thank Heaven 1 the long agony is over! This asking for money every day or twoâ€"these Whispered consultationsâ€"these mysterious looksâ€"this running down town every flayâ€"this restraint in my presence has come to an end at last. Christmas and Santa. Claus are here. and I am the proud recipient ofâ€"a. pen-wiper! >‘7‘70h! that isn’t a. novel, dear; it's a fairy story.” The Petaluma (Cal.) Courier tells of a curious fight between an eagle and acoyote. The'prize was a large hare,still alive. which had just been caught. The eagle would flap his wings and try to rise from the ground with his prey, but the coyote, which had hold of the other end, would pull him back every time. Then they would have a regular tussle and the feathers and fur would fly. There is no telling how the fight would have ended had not a pistol bullet frightened them both off. The latest device of the London publican to aid his thirsty customers to drink wisely and well has just been exposed by the i excise authorities. The beer is not diluted } with waterâ€"that was alittle too dangerous; ' but a. little engine was found in connection with the beer pump by which Water could be run into the pewter pots along with the beer. In all such cases the full penalty of £50 has been imposed. 1 not have 0 rob myemploycrs to keep you in extravagance. How pleasant it was to meet you on return- ing home: God bless you I YOUR HUSBAND. Here rests that angel of a. woman, Is ELLA GRAHAM Coxm'r, e of Thomas Brooks, Born in New Jersey in 1825; Died in St. Louis in 1865; You were always, satisfied, always content with)th you had. A QUEER AMBITION. How the Air Brake Works. How Glad. The Freiheit Family Disagree, but the Doctor Got the Case. The question whether it was a bean or a button was the subject of conjugal polemics inwhich Sigismund Freiheit and his spouse were seriously involvedlast Monday. While Dr. Johnson, the assistant secretary of the health board, was sitting in his private office with a brother physician, they heard an energetic discussion in German between two persons on the stairway outside. Presently the door opened and a man and , his wife, both approaching middle ago, entered. The man had a child in his arms, and shared his wife’s distress over something dreadful that had happened to it. Both started in at once to present the case to the kind-hearted doctor. “One at a time, please,” said the doctor. “Yes, yes; now you just keep still, Meena,” said the man to his wife, “and I will tell What is the matter. Why, you see this little child got a shoe button”â€"â€"« “ A bean,” interrupted his spouse. “ Now you keep still, Meena,” said the husband, with considerable acerbity. “ Doctor, he‘s got a button up his nose.” 7‘ fibrryxo, rdogtor," quicklyfibroke in .his wife ; 7“ it is not a bptpon, it is gt bean.” V'r‘i'iMeenaJ,” shouted the than, “ what are you talking about ‘? I say it was a shoe- button.” 7 “ It wasn’t a. button, doctor ; it was a. big, blue beam,” the woman replied with vigor. .7.. . . .. . ..- - n WanWhat do you kick up this row in the doctor’soffice for, Meena ?” said the man in anger. “These women are all so stupid.” .~ ~- - - h “#011, you’re stupid, Sigismund ; you don’t know a_11yphing,”_rqto;tgd _the_wifp 7“ Doctpr, (1031’: nfihd that fool; she don’t know a. cow from a head qt cabbngffl ‘ “Come, come, my good people,” inter- posed the doctor, “ don’t quarrel over it. The child has got something up its nose, has it ?” “Yes, doctor, a. button,” said the man. “ No, doctor, a. bean, immediately broke from the woman, who was now thoroughly aroused. “Well, bean or button, it must come out,” said the doctor. “ Yes, the button,” said the man. “ You lie, Sigismund; it’s a. bean," said the Wife. The doctor quelled the riot by asking the parents to place the child in a. chair, and then laid out an army of about seventeen instruments, only one of which he had any use for. Selecting a bright delicate hook with a long shank, be advanced toward. the infantile patient. V.-. .. .. Inl- -. u “ What’s that? What’s that ? ” broke in the father. “I never had such a thing put into my body and I Won’t let such things be put into the body of my off- spring,” and seizing the child in his arms the couple left the office. As they were going downstairs the young one sneezed, and out came the bone of con- tentionâ€"a. little shoe button. The father picked it up and rushed back to the office. I. “ There, ‘docnor. didn’t I tell you it was a button? " The woman being thus forced into acquiescence has nothing more to say, but the husband proceeded to explain to the doctor how the button got up the child’s nose, and placing it in his own nostril by way of illustration he gave a. sudden sniff and up went the button into his own nose. XEpéEmodic effort to blow it out failed in its purpose, and the man now became alarmed for himself. “ It must come out,” said the doctor, “or it will be likely to produce a cancerous affection or cerebral inflammation.” _ “What’s that? My ‘God ! Take it out, doctor, take it out?!” Once more the doctor produced his hook, and in a. moment landed the little black button in the palm of his hand. Then he collected his fee, and the Freiheit family departed, wiser kind ha pier for having thb question, “ham or but: on ‘3” settled.â€"â€"San Francisco Call. The Schoolmaiter’s “ We.” Writing lines is the usual penance at Harrow for all ofiences committed in orout of school. There was one clever boy who escaped writing half the ordered quantity, and the masters tell the story of how he did it to this day. He was an untidy boy, and was often taken to task for his care- lessness and disorder. One day his master, who had very dignified and impressive manners, and who always said “we” instead of “you” when talking to the boys, found occssion to reprove him. r “We do not 150k very clean,” he said with severity. “ We have not washed our hands this morning have wg?” “I don’t know about yourE,” was the impudent boy’s answer ; “ but I’ve washed mine.” “Ala,” said the master, “we are very im- pertinen’c to-day. We will have to write a. hundred lines before the next bill.” ‘-‘ Bill,” at Harrow is the calling over of the boys’ names during half holidays, in- the high-walled yard in front of the old school building. Every boy must answer to his name. mWhenrbill time came the master sent for the boy. “Have we written our lines?" he asked. “I’ve written my fifty,” answered the boy very promptly, handing in his paper; “but I don’t know Whether you’ve done your half.”â€"Livcrpool Courier. Unavailable Assets. Johnnie, a. bright boy of 6 years, while being fixed up for school, observing his lit- tle overcoat much the worse for wear and having more mended places than he ad- mired, turned quickly to his mother and asked 2 “ Ma, is p3. rich?" “ Yes, very rich, Johnnie; he is worth two millions and a-half.” “ What in, ma. ‘2” “ Oh, he values you at one million,me at one million and baby at half a. million.” 7 Johnnie, after thihking a. moment, said : “ Ma, tell papa. to sell the baby and buy us some clothes.” Manamaâ€"Harry, you have taken a oaks. Always ask mamma. when you Want a. cake. H 3 Please, mamma,” said the rogue meekly, poin_t‘i_ng down his throat, “ may I have dis one?” At His Fingers’ Ends. “ I suppose,” said a. quack, while feeling the pulse of his patient, “ that you think mes. humbug ‘2” “ Sir,” replied the sick man, “ I perceive that you can discover a. man's thoughts by your touch.” A countryman who visited a. New York theatre the other evening and went out between the acts, became greatly troubled on his return because he couldn’t find his wife. He had lost his seat checks and didn’t know what to (10. Finally a sym- pathetic usher took pity on him and went through the house askingench lady he came to if she had lost a husband, until he ais- covered the rural gentleman’s bride. EITHER BEAN 0R BUTTON. In one of the Sabbath schools in the “ lang toun ” of Kirkcaldy the other Sab- bath, one of the teachers had occasion to refer to the posture at table the Jews assumed when partaking of food. He remarked that they reclined on couches instead of sitting upright as people in this country do; and concluded by asking the children what they thought of that ‘2 One little fellow promptly replied : “ I think naething o‘t ava; I can lie on my belly and sup my parritch l" A little Sunday-school glrl, whose lesson had been about the story of the fiery furnace, was telling her mother about if. “ And, mammal,” she said, ” that naughty king heated an oven just as hot as he could get it, put three good men in, and they wouldn’t cook a. bit 1” Better Late 'l‘lmn Never. Both Sides 01' an Absorbing Controversy Clearly Stated. According to “ Scribner’s Statistical Atlas of the Census of 1880,” there was not; a. single death from kidney disease in the entire United States from 1870 to 1880. Bub can this be possible? If we are to believe the articles of one of our best advertisers, kidney disease, and diseases arising from kidney derangements, is actually responsible for the majority of deaths. Why, then, such a. discrepancy ? Fortunately for these people their state- ments are confirmed. The suspicion is nourished by them, and we confess with good reason, that because the medical profession is not able to cure extreme kidney disorders, the profession officially disguises from the public the fact of their prevalence ; meanwhile its journals are filled with regrets at this prevalence and the impotency of the profession to treat it successfully ! ' Why is the public misled ‘2 These advertisers shrewdly say it is be- cause the profession, if it concedes what they claim that kidney disease is universal, fears that the people will desert the power- less doctors and use the advertised pre- psratiop l L We do not know but they are right! B1111 whag ghgum the_ people d9? Do? ' Réad the evicTenEe and guide them- selves aqcordingly!_ _ The advertisers claim to have cured hun- dreds of thousands of cases of Bright’s disâ€" ease and all lesser forms of kidney, liver and blood derangements. They ofler$5,000 for proof that their statements of cures, in every quarter of the globe, are not true, so far as they know. These statements are from prominent men and women allover the world, and the closest scrutiny is in- vited! If a. physician cures a. man and he knows it and says it, people believe him. If Warner’s safe cure cures a. man and he knows it and says it over his own signature, it is just as conclusive evidence in thelatter case as in the former. A few years ago, after having broken down prejudice in England, Canada, the United States, Australia, India and China, the owners of this great remedy applied for the privilege of its manufacture and sale in Germany. The laws of that great country are very stringent, and nothing can be manu- factured or sold until it wins permission from the Government, and this will not be granted until the Government is satisfied that the best interests of the public and its individuals will be served by such a pre- paration The medicine was chemically and micro- scopically analyzed (as accurately as pos- sible), the formulae Were examined (with perhaps a secret; prejudice against them) by the Government chemists, searching inquiry was everywhere made at home and abroad to Verify its past record and repu- tation. Finally, it was triumphant even under the most critical examination, and full permission was given to make and sell Warner’s safe cure in the Fatherlandâ€"the only life privilege of the kind ever granted to any Americen proprietary preparation. Unprejudiced people will say that this favorable consideration of the merits of Warner‘s safe cure by the German Govern- ment was a very significant; as well as u. very distinguished compliment to its merits, and so it is. The evidence is all in favor of these in- telligent advertisers, who have certainly won universal public approval, because of their straight forward course in proclaim- ing the merlts of their remedies. He was an anomaly among his kindâ€"a modest reporter. He had dropped into the Elite Club ball-room, to write a ten-line notice of the aflair. fiftiacl-énrlyrhe found himself confronted by a. bejewelled and bedeoked lady, who saidrsiweg'u‘ly : “Ah, I know you ; you’re one of those horrid reporters, aren’t you?” “ I’m a reporter, madam.” “I knew it. And you’ve come to write all sorts of horrid things about us poor ladies, who can’t help ourselves 1" “Indeed, madam, Iâ€"â€"” “ Oh, yes, you will! I just think you re- porters are too horrid for anything!” “ I am notâ€"” “You go and put all sorts of things in the papers about us. It’s just dreadful! I get real cross about it !” “ I assure you, madam, thatâ€"â€"" “ Oh, well, I suppose it is your business to be so horribly awful! I suppose now you have come to write up all the costumes in your horrid way, and you’ll have all our names in the paper, too 1” “ No, madam, Iâ€"â€"â€"” “ Oh, I know you will ! You always say you won’t, and then you do ! You’re just so dreadful I I do think it’s too provoking in youl We poor ladies can’t do a thing that you don’t put it in the paper l” . - u- "-‘VYIJiilrfieVIera writing but a. Brief notice of this ball.” “ Oh, well, I suppose you’ll put in some names ; so here is my card, so that the name won’t be spelled Wrong, as it was in your account of Mrs. De White’s party. And there’s a good description of my cos- tume on the back of the card. Don’t for- get to write ‘diamond ornaments.’ I think I’m real good to take so much trou- ble for you when you are so perfectly hor- rid as to go and put it all in the papers. Oh, you wicked, naughty, horrid man! It makes me cross to look at you. Goofibyel Be sure you get my name right this time. You’ll be more horrid than ever if you don‘t.”â€"â€"Puclc. P stands for Pudding for Peach and for Fear And likewise for Poetry and Prose ; The Parrot, the Pigeon that flies in the air, The Pig with a. rim in his nose ; For Paper and Pen, or Printer and Press, For Physic, and People who sell it ; But when you are sick, to relieve your distress Take at once Pierce‘s Purgative Pellet. Oh, yes, indeed! These are the Pa for you, poor, sick man or woman. Nothing like them for keeping the bowels and stomach regulated and in orderâ€"tiny, sugar-coated granules, scarcely larger than mustard seeds. They work gently but thoroughly. -“ I was never exwtly buried alive,” said an old clerk, recounting his ex- perience, “ but I once worked a Week in a store that did not advertise. When I came out my head was almost as White as you now see it. Solitary confinement did it.” From days of agony and discomfort, not by great interpositions, but by the use of the only sure‘pop corn cureâ€"Putnam’s Pain- less Corn Extractor. Tender, painful corns are removed by its use in a. few days, With- out the slightest discomfort. Many substi- tutes in the market make it necessary that only “Putnam’s ” should be asked for and taken. Sure, safe, harmless. Adam (just after getting acquainted with Eve)â€"Will you go with me tonight to see the animals? Eveâ€"~I have nothing to weanâ€"Boston Courier. A dress magazine says the petticoat must go. So be it, then; but if the petti- coat goes so will man also and on the same train.â€" Chicago Herald. of tfie Inquirer. WHICH DO YOU BELIEVE? Let people with heart affections beware the toboggan slide.â€"Philadclphia Truthfully Saidâ€"and the Only Time. The Man and the Petticoat. A Dish of New P’s. The Society Girl. 'Ilmt‘s \‘Vllat It‘s For. She was Saved ITCHING PILES. SYMPTOMSâ€"Moisture; intense itching aria. stinging; most at night; worse by aoratohfi ing. If allowed to continue tumors form, which often bleed and ulcerate, becoming very sore. SWAYNE’S OINTMENT stops the itching and bleeding, heals ulceration, and in many cases removes the tumors. It is equally efficacious in curing all Skin Diseases. Dlt. SWAYNE & SON, Proprie- tors, Philadelphia. SWAYNE’S OINTMENT cam be obtained of druggists. Sent by mail for 50 cents. Earl Dunmven proposes to reform‘tho British House of Lords by creating life instead of heritage peers and making the legislative body of the lords elective bygthe peerage for nine years. This would reduce the chamber of peers to 150. You have been told that consumption is incurable; that when the lungs are at- tacked by this lerrible malady, the sufferer is past. all help, and the end is a. mere question of time. You have noted with alarm the unmistakable symptoms of 'the disease ; you have tried all manner of, so- cslled euros in vain, and you are now‘ He- spondent and preparing for the worst. But don’t give up the ship While Dr.~ Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery remains untried. It is not a. cure-all, nor will it perform miracles, but it has cured thousands of cases of consumption, in its earlier stages, where all other means have failed. Try it, and obtain a. new lease of life. To render marriage ceremonies more im- pressive the audience now remains stand- ing until the minister concludes. What is needed very much in 111959 days of divorces is something to make the marriage remain standing after the minister concludes:â€" Norwich Bulletin. M-my imitators, but no equal, has Dr. Sage‘s Catarrh Remedy. Wifeâ€"It may be a. mine nothing, John, but I do wish you would see theâ€"the insurance man to-day. Marriageable young girls in Kansas make it a. point; to take up a. land claim as the first step towards securing a husband. They have level heads. Any girl in the West with plenty of land can always land a. husbandâ€"New Ollcans Picayune. Wifeâ€"I am so worried about that cough ofixoups, {ohm gear. _ Iviusba'nd (fohdly)-â€"â€"Don’t be foolish, little‘ one. _It isfiu. mere pothing. The treatment of many thousands of cases. of those chronic weaknesses and distressing ailments peculi r to females. at. the Invalids" Hotel and Sur ical Institute. Bufinlo. N. Y.., has afforded a vast experience in nicely ada t - ing and thoroughly testing remedies for 6- care of womunjs Eculianmalggdiea. Dr. Pierce’s Favorite Prescription is the outgrowth, or result, of this mat and: valuable experience. Thousands o testimoâ€" nials, received from patients and from physi- cians who have tested it in the more aggra~ vated and obstinate cases which had bathed their skill. prove it to be the most wonderful remedy ever devised for the relief and cure of sufferin women. It is not recommended use. “cure-a1.” but as a, most perfect Specific for wqman's peculiar allrpents. * “W. 4h,.___._‘n___. .-_n- Dyuuuunnvl . Dr. Pierce’s Favorite Prescription is a legitimate medicine, carefully compounded by an ex erienced and skillful: physician. and adapte to woman's delicate organization. It is purely vegetable in its composition and perfectl harmless in its. effects in any condition 0 the system. For morning sickness. or nausea. from whatever; cause arising. Weak stomach. indigestion. dySm pepsin and kindred symptoms, Its use, in small doses. will prove very beneflcml. “Favorite Prescription 9’ is a posi- tive cure for the most complicated and ob- stinate cases of leucorrhea. excessive flowing. painful menstruation, unnatural suppressions, prolapsus. or failing of the womb. weak back. ‘ female weakness," anteverswn. rem-aversion. bearing-down sensations, chronic congestion, inflammation and ulceration of the Womb, in“ flammation. pain and tenderness in ovaries; accompanied vzith “internal hca ." _‘-l_ l_.: .._,....-;-.. A. a..-“ As a gulator and promoter or funcq. tional action. at that critical period or change from girlhood to womanhood. “Favorite Pre. scription " is a perfectly safe remedial 8. out; and can prod'uce only good results. 1; is e ually efficamous and valuable in its elfects w en taken for those disorders and derange- ments incident to that later and most critical period. known as “ The Change of Life.” aw,fl_n.g.n “unanuancann 99 "Jam. an"... Juluru. 1mm... m. “w WM.” V. ..W. “Favorite Prescription ’9 when taken in connection with the use 0 Dr. Pieroe‘a Golden Medical Discovery. and small laxatiffl;J doses of Dr. Pierce‘q Pur ajsive Pellets (Little Liver Pills). cures L1ver. 1dney and Bladder diseases. Their combined use also removes blood mints. and abolishes cancerous and scypfulous humo‘rs from the system, , -,J_4.--_ .- . 1‘ . “Favorite Prescri tion 3’ is the only medicine for women. sold 5' druggists. under a positive guarantee, from the manu- facturers, that 1!; W111 give satxsfaction in every case. or money wjll be refunded. This guaran. tee has been prmtqd on the bottle-wrappe and faithfully earned o_ut for many yea ~13:65:: boinles '00 dbses 1.00 ' ' i ' bottlgs fol-77335.06: _ $ , or g x W ibiilrarge. illilstrated Treatise on Diseases 0: Women (160 pages, {war-covered). send ten cents in stamps. ddress. 33 U N N‘gg BAKING POWDER I have a punitive remedy for the Almvedluue ; by its use thousands creases of the worstklnd and aflong Itnnding have been cured. Indeed, so- strong fly faith in it- afmucy, that I will send '1; O BOTTLES n. '"- together with I VALUABLE TRE TISE on thin (unaw- ‘o my uniform. Give expreat and P. (X lddrell. __ _ _ __ DR. £._A£LOCUM,__ _ Branch oméé‘; éffiiigâ€"e’sm Tomato THE QQQK’S REST FRIENE‘ When I say cure I do not mean merely to stop them for “me and men have them return again. I mean a radial! cure. Ihnve made the disease of FITS, EPILEPSY or FALL- ING SICKNESSE life-long stuJy. ! warrant my remedy to curs the worst cases. Because other: have failed la in; reason for not now receiving a cure. Sam} at (men for a treatlse and a Free Home of my infallible remedy. 01v. Express and Postolflce. It coau you nothlnz for l cm; and 1 Wm cure on. Address DE. 11.9; 3021', iii‘élfiéfihfihfi, 37'thiéj8tjg’Tdruntq! IBIIBE FITS! World’s Dispensary Medical Association. LI’P‘ Don't Give up the Ship. Doctoring a Cough . 663 Main St. BUFFALO. N. I. “That is Needed. It Never Fails. DONL. 2:8.