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A Beautiful Homeâ€"The Right Kind a. GlrLâ€"A Youthful Bride. To those who have wondered why artificial Currants were made both of jet and silk, the information is given that the former are to represent; ripe and the latter unripe fruit ; so statesa Parisian authority. Mrs.'_l)lsmeli's Romantic LilFAbsurdflles of Pushlonâ€"Straysâ€"Chit-(‘hah A lady physician says: “The prime cause 01 weakness and disease among 0111' woman and girls is owing to errors in dress and lack of physical exercise, in fact, utter laziness.” ’ Last summer she was gnawing green corn from the cob, when her teeth got entangled with a corn-silk. “Oh, dear.” said she, impatiently, “ I wish when they get the corn made they would pull out the basting threads. ” \Vhen a woman is seen chasing a. street-car it is a certain sign that she has an ambition to mount the platform. A fashionable married couple, whose drawing-room is adorned with ahandsome motto of “There’s No Place Like Home,” have just started on a trip to Europe, to be absent one year. A young man who had begun telling a. spinster what kind of tea he liked best, said, “ I have loved 00-1011g.” The maiden turned scarlet, and declared that she would not be made the subject of puns at this age of life. An Eastern paper says “it is Mrs. Carlyle who should have the monument for the forti- tude she displayed in living so many years with such a man.” Perhaps there is no sadder sight than to see a. maiden lady of the age of 40 or there- abouts sneak off by herself for the purpose of rocking an empty cradle. “My dear,” said an anxious matron to her daughter, “it is very wrong for young people to be throwing kisses at each other.” “ \Vhy so, mamma? i’m sure they don’t hurt, even if they do hit.” The gentle swaying to and fro of the fan by the women of the world, if harnessed into one grand hurricane, would set every wind- Inill in creation running at such a lively rate that all the corn and wheat could be ground into Hour by them. . Ex-queen Isabella of Spain leads a gay life in her Parisian exile. The Corps Diplo- matique pay her court, and are only too . lad to attend her dinners and receptions. "he Parisians love her, for she is gay and liberal with her money. "Vonxen who have not fine teeth laugh only with their eyes. It must be an extmvagant woman who ‘ ‘ beggarsdescription. ” A new floral device for weddings is a bou- quet rope of fern leaves and rosebuds twined with sprays of ground pine. A Freuchmot: The orange flower IS an ironical emblem of marriage. The blossoms are white, the fruits are yellow. A young man was found hanging to a. gate in this town, Sunday night. He was out down by an irate father’s boot. A Brooklyn fashion paper stated that “ maiden’s blush ” was a tashionablo color, and none of the readers had any idea what it was like. Sad case : The girl who was locked in her lover’s arms for three hours explains that it wasn’t her fault. She claims he forgot the combination. Matilda â€" N0. Mrs. Burnett’s story. “ A Fair Barbarian,” does not refer to the young woman who asks you to “ take a share ” in the sawdust pincushion. Faint Praise: [Esthetlc Ladyâ€"“Is not that Mrs. Bralmzon, whose photograph is in all the shop windows '3” The professorâ€" “It is. She is handsome, is she not ‘3” :Esthetic Ladyâ€"‘ ‘ Well, yaas, walâ€"essential- ly awoman ot the nineteenth century.” Blottsâ€"“VVhy do you put your portrait in your window ‘3” Snobbsâ€"“ Well, opposite is a. young ladies’ institute, and as I am ob- liged to be away from my window all day, attending to business, I leave the poorthings my picture to comfort them.” “Ned,” she said to him pensiver, in a tone implying total lack of confidence in herself, “I don’t think I can ever be to you what your first wife was.” “Great Cznszu', Mary,” was the enthusiastic re- spouse, “if I thought that I’d marry you to- morrow. ” A pretty feature of a. fancy hall given last month in London was hanging the reception- 1‘oom with blue and white striped cloth, and dressing the waitresses in blue and white Dresden china costumes of Chintz, with mob caps. All the service was also blue and white Dresden. Fiji fashions : The spring opening in Fiji shows quite a revolution in the fashions there. Shark’sâ€"teeth necklaces are cut more decollcte ; the mole 0n the back is painted red, and the green string is worn around the left ankle instead of the right, as" formerly. A very sweet agony is for a young lady to decorate a miniature broadsword and forward it to her best gentleman friend. This does not signify a direct cut. It is the old story, “No knife can cut our love in twain.” How quite. How awfully quite quite. A paper scolds loudly about “women who pay dressmakers’ bills with the money which ought to be purchasing a home or paying for their children’s education.” Men never indulge themselves in new suits, they always save the money fora home and to educate their children. And_shortly he left. when she, sifhing. Sand slowly “Ahlwhat have doneâ€" Comc back, 0 , my love, I am dyingâ€" “Twas I. not thyself, was in fun.” He knelt at the feet of his charmer And clasped her soft hand in his own; He talked in a waÂ¥ to alarm her. Or love, but her leart was of stone. Her “nu " to his suit was surprising, For he ad considered her won, “Ah well,” he exclaimed, quickly rising, “You know I was only in fun." WOMAN GOSSIP. “Only in Fun." Wall‘s. A new book on etiquette advises girls not to be treated by their gentlemen frlends to car fare, ices, or allow them to pay any trifling sum, provided it is simply a friend or chance acquaintance met on the wayâ€"and not a near relative who offers it. In London the “Hogarth” hat is the fashion. The idea is taken from a picture called “The Forfeit.” An arch looking girl has put on a, young officer’s hat, and the young oflicer bends over her shoulder and takes “compensation for disturbance.” The hat is three-cornered. It will be a brave woman who will dare to wear it. At a Berlin feather-dyeing establishment an ostrich feather dyed in shades with methyl-violet was laid u on a paper u on which some ammonia. ham Abeen pqgred ut had dried up again. After aftime the feather became partially green, the green passing gradually into violet, and producing an extraordinary effect. This reaction is being utilized in feather-dyeing, and will probably be applied in the manufacture of artificial flowers. The Italian Queen’s suite of rooms are re- markable for their rich simplicity. The bed-room is furnished in pale blue satin; the mattresses are of White brocade; the bedstead is ‘of dark wood, and over the head hangs an ivory crucifix, and alittle oil painting framed in gold; easy chairs are by the fire-place, above which is a. picture of the Little Prince of Na les. Ad- joining this is the Queen’s study, lung with cafe‘au-lait satin, and beyond are the dress- ing-rooms, lined with mirrors, and decorated with rare china. QUICK BREAD. ~Therc ain’t no use of try- ing to make bread real light by any other way than putting yeast into it and going through the regular business, which takes time. Now this here quick bread answers its purpose, and I have been asked to give it, because sometimes on a yacht fellows grumble at stale bread, and though it does well enough at sea it mightn’t suit people on shore. I ain’t myself much of a hand at using soda, but if you haven’t yeast, nor the time to let the dough rise, you are obliged to use soda. if you don’t want soggy bread. You mostly have a lemon on board of a craftâ€"what goes for lemonades or other things which is stronger. Now. take three pints of flour and mix dry into it two drams of supercarbonate of soda; mix just as thorough as you can. Then take half a lemon, squeeze it, and be sure to take out the pips, and mix this with a pint of lukewarm water ; before you do this have your oven up to baking heat, and pans all greased and ready ; now work away with your lemon- juice water into the flour, and go for just as quick as you can; put your dough in the pans and bake away ; if the dough is rough atop, smooth it with your hand ; if you have caught the proportions and bake quickly, you have a decent loaf, and just as sweet as can be, the lemon juice and soda just a- balancing one another. In camping out, this kind of bread is good for a change. It ain’t Vienna rolls, but it ain’t so bad after all. I have seen something like this in the books, with lnuriatic acid for lemon juice, but I don’t hanker after acids in my stomach, not being porcelain-lined myself.â€"BOB THE SEA-COOK. According to Gal'ignani, certain l’ar1s1an ladies belonging to the forsaken, forgotten, and romantic species are beginnin to dress themselves in dolorous fashion. gI‘he new spring colors are described as “discreet;” one of them is called “useless regrets;” and with “vains desirs,” “yeux en pleurs,” and simi- lar names, the drapers have enough to do with their “mockery of woe.” Hamlet is at pains to impress on his mother that too much stress must not be laid on his “inky cloak,” because men can assume such with ease, whereas genuine grief “ passes show.” Pro- bably the French ladies who dress their hair “ a la victime” are not so romantic as to be blind to the advantages of a becoming miff- iire, or so forgotten as to be beyond the reach of reconciliation. Some of our own most aesthetic females rumple their hair in propor- tion as they wish it to appear full dressed, and affect tones and tints suggestive of de- caying vegetation ; but they have not gone so far in the absurdity of colorless combina. tions as to apply the vocabulary of grief to their frills and furbelows, and there is no im- mediate probability that any class of English women will be so foolish as to call their clothes by names borrowed from the senti. ment of sorrow. Biographers of Lord Beaconsfield have moralized respecting the marvellous fortune which raised an attorney’s clerk into the most powerful minister England has known for centuries. It is not equally well known that the career of the Viscountess Beacons- fleld was even more romantic. She was the (laughter of a retired army captain named Evans, living near Exeter. W hen she de- veloped into a handsome young woman her independent spirit led her to seek to earn a livelihood. She obtained employment at a millinery establishment at Exeter, living first at Mint lane and for a lenger period in the still existing old house next to the Acland Arms, St. Sidwells. Having casually made the acquaintance of Mr. Lewis. a north De- von gentleman, her attractions fascinated him, and she became his wife. He was com siderahly her senior, and before long died. She was then living in London, having inher- ited her husband’s fortune, and the fascina- ting widow was wooed and won by Benjamin Disraeli, then a struggling novelist. Their mutual ambition was amply justified. She adorned the drawing-room of her husband even in his most exalted station, and he never tired of eulogizing her as “a perfect wife,” the “dearest of companions and the severest of critics.” When Disraeli for the first time became premier her majesty made the \vhilom Exeter milliner a peeress, and all who knew her confessed there she had found her true level. The girl after Whom any number of marry- ing men are looking has, says The New Y ork Herald, been discovered again. In other days she has written a. book, or developed a, henomenal voice, or shot a. number of dol- ars’ worth of wild animals, or 'done some thing else that secured local fame and com siderable money. This time she has planted, cultivated, harvested, and sold 350 bushels Dolorous Dresses. A Girl in Demand. Mrs. Disraeli. of wheat. It is need“ her of young fellows are wr y in that girl, and that the list of suitors will rapidly increase as the record of her achieve ment makes the rounds of the press. A great deal is said about women who marry merely for the sake of being supported, but they are no more numerous than men who long for wives who will do work enough to supply their husbands with bread and butter, cigars, and drinks. There are men in New York who would borrow their last friend’s last dollar rather than do a day’s work in a. wheat field, yet would willingly endow the Indiana girl with half of their worldly debts, and do it with the best plain old ring that could be bought on credit. hey would also, as soon as the wheat crop was harvested, find business calling them to New York and keep- ing them there as long as the money lasted or an advance could be secured on the limit crop. Johnny Manning. the Sheriff of [lead- wood, D. T., was in St. Louis on business, and he remembered that the year before a St. Louis man had been up to Deadwood and left, owing a man several hundred dollars, which was to be paid as soon as he got home. Manning met the man in St. Louis, and he said he would hand him the money the next day, but the days passed and the money did not come, though the man was amply able to pay. So one morning Manning inserted a per- sonal in a newspaper to the effect that if the man wholeftDeadwood between two days, did not pay the money he forgot to pay, night before, the whole circumstances would be published the next day. The notice was signed “John Manning, Sheriff of Dead- wooc ." Before 9 o’clock a young man called at Manning’s hotel and said he had come to pay $220 he had borrowed to get out of Dead- wood. Manning found out who the money was borrowed of, and took it to carry to the Deadwood citizen, remarking that he was not the man the Sheriff referred to, but it was a mighty mean Sheriff that would not carry money to a friend. The next man to call was the one he wanted, (1 he paid the mo- ney,‘ and apologized, and )egged the Sheriff to say nothing about it. During the day seven citizens of St. Louis called on Manning and paid him money for citizens of Dead- wood, believing the Sheriff had reference to them in his notice, and after he had gone away another citizen called and asked the clerk for Manning, but the clerk said the other fellows had all been there and paid up, and this man better keep his money. The Sheriff said he always thought advertising paid, but he had never had it demonstrated to his satisfaction before. London Telegraph, Girardin had built himself, in the Rue de la Perouse, a magnificent mansion, which has been often described. He generally worked in a comparatively small room on the first floor, the walls of which were covered with nests of drawers containing the extracts on which he depended so much. His library consisted of a long gallery on the ground floor, surrounded by dwarf book-cases, along the tops of which were ranged works of art of various kinds, but all connected in one ' or the other, with the celebrities of the itury. Memorials of Girardin’s first wife, 6 famous Delphine Gay, of George Sand, Rachel, early attempts by painters since own famous, and magnificent statues met e eye at every turn. I may mention that rardin, who was one of the most fervent mirers of Rachel’s genius, told me that he ted Sara Bernhardt equally high, and as if display his opinion, the full-len th por- its of the actresses formed pendants at 8 end of his noble drawingq‘oom. “'ith e exception of a picture of Descartes over e fire-place, these were the only two paint- gs in the room. Like the majority of ac- ‘e Frenchmen,Girardin used to get through 0 business of the day before breakfast. He dc and drove constantly in the Bois, and de it a rule never to be absent from all portant “premiere.” He thus kept his ultics in constant exercise to the very end. e was the life and soul of a dinner party at ich the writer of these lines met him re- ntly, and last Saturday week he was at a rst night” at the Gymnase. But the next y I received a note regretting that a slight disposition would prevent him fulfilling an gagement he had made. It was this slight less that proved fatal. From an English int of view Girardin was par excellence e journalist of France. For, though he id but little attention to literary finish, he d all the other faculties that go to the king up of a first-rate journalist. His com- tive nature made him many enemies, but ir animosity was amply compensated by admiration of those whose opinion was st worth having. In appearance Girardin s not unlike the first Napoleon, cultivating h ease a certain lock that curled over his chead, that would almost have sufficed to ote him among a crowd, even to those h whom he was personally unacquainted. ce the death of Thiers, Girardin has been haps the best known and the most notice- 0 member of the French society, and his ence from all his usual haunts will create Did that will not be soon filled up. 11 one of the excursions which left Staun- in October, 1876, for the Centennial, were passengers; onewas a young lady of Rock- dge, whose bright face as well as her ght mind had made her as popular in unton society as at home, and another s a young gentleman of Stannton, tempor- y residing in Rockbridge, who contem- lated shortly removing to the far West. hey were devoted lovers, and, as the sequel will show, the gentleman took such a pre- caution against the lady changing her mind during his expected absence as was in- surmountable. Stopping in Baltimore a few hours the lady and entlelnan, after the lat- ter had procured a icence, repaired to the residence of the Rev. Mr. Murkland, the fa- mous Presbyterian minister (the lady being a Presbyterian), and were united in wedlock. Then they returned to their respective homes and there the secret was confided to two of the groom’s family and a relative in Richmond, the lady making a confident of one of her family and a. devoted married lady friend. The groom went “'est to make his fortune, and will, in a few days return to claim his wife, who has all along retained her maiden name. Though the marriage took place nearly five years ago, and seven persons knew it, not a word has leaked out about it until within the last week, a fact that entirer disposes of the assertion that “ a woman can’t keep a secret,’7 and also a fact that makes each gossip in Staunton tear his or her hair that they didn t find it out in that length of time. When Goethe says that in every human condition foes lie in wait for us, “invincible only by cheerfulness and equallimity,” he does not mean that we can at all times be really cheerful, or at a. moment’s notice, but that the endeavour to look at the better side of thin s will produce the habit, and that this ha it is the surest safeguard against the dangers of sudden evils. A woman pianist who plays with only one hand is just now the talkof Paris. If we re- member rightl ; the Italian organist invari« ably plays witi only one hand. The Italian has a wonderful turn for music. The Famous J ournanst. She kept the Secret. An Arab came to the river side. With a donkey bearing an obelisk : But, he would not try to ford the tide, For he had too good an *. So he camped all night by the river side, And remained till the tide had ceased to swell For he knew should the donkey from life subside He never would find its fl. When morning dawned and the tide was out, The pair cross’d over 'neath Allah’s protection, And the Arab was happy we have no doubt, For he had the best donkey in all that «Somerville Journal. That donkey was seen by a. Yankee man. ‘Vho raised his voice and loud did holler ; “How much’ll on take for that ’ere beast In gold, or si ver, or papal-3 2" The Arab he raised his head and looked, And then to himself took a. quiet laugh ; For he knew the man wusa Yankee scribe In search of o, newspaper‘l. It is not often that a pig will let a pen holder. Always willing to give his notewthe music teacher. Purchasers of “rare old china.” are often stuck-cup people. “ A fare saved is a beer gained,” remarked Smith as he walked into town. Jones calls his poetry Virtue, because it is its own reward. Wealth may not bring happiness, but it commands respect in a police officer. The Peruvian bark is not any worse than ‘ts bite. A smart little boy being asked to give the name of an article of utility, replied, “an lun- brella‘ at a picnic.” ‘ ‘My wife,” remarked Fitmoodle, “ is fairly craz over the spring fashions. She’s got the de il'ium trimmins.” Prof. Proctor seems determined that the world is to come to an end soon, but then he has just married a- widow. When the types are made to say that an honest man is the nobbiest work of God, it is time to throw glass bowl»; into the 001m posing-room. Bob Ingersoll has made $20,000 out of his lecture on hell. If there is no such place, Robert has made a good deal of money out of nothing. FRIVOLITY, under whatever form it apâ€" pears, takes from attention its strength, from thought its originality, from feeling its earnestness. Howells says writing is only remembering; but he is wrong. With some writers it is forgettingâ€"t0 give credit for the paragraphs they steal. “ You gave me the key of your heart, my love ; Then why do you make me knock .2" " Oh, that was yesterday, saints above ! And last migrth changed the lock 1" Nitro~glycerine is recommended by a medi- cal journal for certain affections of the chest. Particularly those in which the chest resists the drill 01' the jimmy. “ Do bees think ‘3” is the conundrum that, is bothering the pates of entomologists. The action of bees is sosudden that it is impossible to believe that they think. If they consider- edâ€"but never mind. New York’s latest lahdy-dah : “ Do you play the piano?” ‘1 N0 ; I don’t' {flay the piano, but my sister Hannah, who is in Savannah, she plays the piano in the most charming inannah.” “ Ha'veabanana ‘3” A Nevada girl’s love-letter: “Dear Jimmy, it’s all up. \Ve ain’t going to get married. Ma. says you are too rough, and I guess she is right. I am sorryâ€" but can’t you go to Europe and get filed down 1'” “ Young husband"AHouse-cleaning means for the women to tie towels around their heads and run the men into the street with- out any breakfast every morning for a week or so, while they break lamps and spill whitewash on the stairs. The difficulty originated in this way. Said Galla. her to Ragbag : “ I heard a. story just now t at was funny enough to make a jack- ass laugh. Let me tell it to you." “Don‘t you slur me by any such lemark as that,” roared Ragbag, angrily. Can anybody tell us why a woman, emerg- ing from a. crowded car, always makes beâ€" lieve she is going to get out at one side of the platform, until two or three men have jump- ed:off in the mud, and then steps off at the other side? She always does it ; and we want to know the reason why. The people of a. certain town are so feaiu fully lazy that, when the wife of a. minister who had just settled in that town asked a prominent citizen if the inhabitants generally respected the Sabbath and refrained from business, he replied : ” Confouml it, ma’am, they don’t do enough work in the whole week to break the Sabbath, if it was all done on that day.” “ How do you like the character of St. Paul ?” asked a parson of his landlady, one day, during a conversation about the old saints and the apostles. “Ah l”‘said she, “ he was a good, olever old soul, I knowY for he once said, you know, that we must eat what is set before us, and ask no questions for conscience sake. I always thought 1 should like him for a boarder.” Among the inmates of the county insane asylum is a man who is often perfectly sensible, and when accosted at such times causes Visitors to wonder why he is confined there. This inmate entered into conversa- tion the other day with a caller whose dress proclaimed him a clergyman. Said the mad- man : “It was too had, was it not, the kill- ing of Grant at Chicago?” “It was,” said the minister, who followed the accepted cus< tom of assenting to the statements of luna~ ties for peace sake. “Ha-yes was assassin- ated at Cincinnati, was he not?” avain asked the lunatic. “ Yes," replied the clergyman. “And was not Queen Victoria murdered in her palace ‘3" To this query from the mad- man the clerical visitor once more answered in the affirmative. The lunatic, with “damnable iteration,” named one after an- other, a dozen living royal ersonages, all of whom the clergyman was ed to admit had been put out of the way. Finishing his cate- chism, the madman turned on the clergyman and said fiercely: “Your dress shows you are a. minister, but you are the worst liar I ever met.” QUITE A COMMON CIRCUMSTANCE. PIOUS SMILES. â€"Detrm't Free Press. â€"Salem Sunbeam. â€"â€"T0ron!o Truth. â€"Boston Globe.