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«1‘ Mr. Spoopsndyke Purchases a. Machine and Make: a Mile a Minute. wuam u .... . “No, it isn’t, either. I said it's something like a horse ; that is, it goes when you make it. Guess again.” “Is it paint for the kitchen walls ‘2” asked Mrs. Spoopendyke. innocently. :_ “No it ain‘t,and it ain’t a hogshead of stove blacking, nor it ain’t a set of dining-room furniture, nor it ain‘t seven gross 0f statioxr ary washtubs. Now guess again.” “Then it must be some lace curtains f 01' the sitting-room windows. Isn’t that just spleir did ‘1” and Mrs. Spoopemlyke patted her hus- band on both cheeks and danced up and down with delight. hurrying 1115 to his wife's room come down 11) the yard I’ve got surprise for you.” .- . -. n)! ,L- 1 ‘1'.” u. u o w. “a ,, “I know ! It’s a new parlor carpet. That’s what it is l” r " v .‘.,. H. "hf." “WV ,, a ,, “Guess agaln,” gunned M - “It’s something hke a horse. ‘poopemlykc, . rm .7. uuvvu "m. ......... “It’s a bicycle, that‘s what it is!" growled Mr. Spoopendyke. "I bought it fox'exercise and I’m going to ride it. Come down and see me.” “Well, ain’t I glutl,”ejaculatetl Mrsfipoo- pcmlykc. “Y 011 ought to have more exercise, and if there’s exercise in anything it’siu a bi- cycle. ’ Do let’s see it 1” LJ.“ “IA-ml ln'q u-H‘n fn H10 “Leave 1110 alone, will ye I” demanded Mr. Spoopcndyke, struggling to an even keel, “I’m doing most 0’ this myself. Now you hold on and keep your mouth shut. it takes a. little practice, that's all." ,,,,L,,1 m... ...1 mn‘L on; “w w. _, -... “\\"hat is it ‘3" asked Mrs Sppopendyke, “what have ypu got, a horse 1’” 1‘! H “Li!” UI mm uan ....... “In a few weeks I’ll be able to make a mile a minute,” he said, as he steadied the apparatus against the clothes post and pre- pared to mount. “Now, you watch me go to the end of this path." He got afoot into one ti’eudle and went head first into a flower patch. the machine on top with a prodigious crash. “Hadu’t you better tie it up to the post un- til you get on E” suggested Mrs. Spoopeu- (lyke. ' ,,.:n .m u“ .Lmu‘nllml My- uu Aw N -V- . Mr: Spoopendyke chhducted his wife to the vard and dcsca-nted at length on the merits of the machine. h... ‘. . , AL, a. LLUULV llle-AAVV’ Mr. Spoopendyke mounted again and scut- tled along four ox'iive feet and flopped over on the grass plat. “That _ splendid 1” commended his wife. "Ymi've got the ideauii‘cutiy. Let me hold it for you this time.u "If you’ve got any extra-strength you hold your tongur, will yer ?" growled Mr. Spoo- pemlyke. “It don"t want any holding. It ain’t alive. Stand back and give me room, uu w The third trial M rfipoopcmlyke ambled to the 0nd of the path and went down all in a heap among the flower pots. “That’s just too lovely for anythingi”1n'0- claimed Mrs. Spoopemlyke. “You made more’n :1 mile a minute that time!” Hrcat liritain has taken steps which must tend to depress the hrigand market. She has mad- a formal announcement that she will advance no more money to ransom Brit- ish travellers who may he captured by rob- bers. The news will, of coarse, be heard with alarm and disgust by professional brig- ands throughout the world ; for the opposite British practice, of course, made the kidnap- ping business thrive. Exactly what effect. hmrerz-r. the neu' dee' 'm will have on the trade (-aunot yet he predicted. The private Briton of moderate means will, perhaps, he astounded and made anxious by this publish- ed intention of his Government to abandon him to his captors when he goes travelling in Sicily and Turkey. ()1) the other hand, the ofi‘icial Briton, who is excepted from the rule, is perhaps not lunch to be congratulat- ed, since the ln-igands may turn all their un- welcome attentions to him. instead of dis tributing them impartially as heretofore. \\ hether John Bull’s pressure on the brigand market will permanently succeed remains to \l)() seen. It is estimated that the amount insured against fire with leading ofiices in England forming what is known as the Tariff Associa- tion, exceeds $|0,000,000,000, and there is an outcry against their profits. “Come and take it Off!” roared Mr. Spoo- pemlykc. “Help me up I Blast the bicycle!” and the worthy gentleman struggled and plunged around like :1 Whale in shallow water. Mrs. Spoopendyke assisted 111 lighting 111111 and brushed him oil". “I know where you make your mistake," said she. “The little wheel ought to go first like a. buggy, Try it that way going back.” “Maybe you can ride this bicycle better than I can!" howled Mr.Spoopendyke. “You know all about wheels! \Vhat you need now is a lantern in your mouth and ten minutes be- hind time to he the City Hall clock I Don’t you see the big wheel has got to go first ‘2” “Yes, dear.” murmured Mrs.Spoopendyke “but I thought if you practiced with the little wheel at first you wouldn’t have so far to fall.” “Who fell?” demanded Mr. SpOOdendyke, “Didn’t you see me step ofl‘? I tripped; that’s all. Now you just watch me go back.” Once more Mr. Spoopendyke started in, but the big wheel turned around and looked him in the face, and then began to stagger, “Look out!” squealed Mrs. Spoopendyke. Mr. Spoopendyke wrenched away and kicked and struggled, but it was of no avail. Down he came, and the bicycle \1 as a hope- less wreck. HOW' no») ‘7 “What'd ye want to yell for?” he sln‘iclied. “Couldn‘t ye keep your mouth shut? What (l’ye think y’are, anyhow, a fog horn? Dod gash the measly bicycle!” and MI“. Hpoopen- (lyke hit it a kick that folded him up like a bolt 0f muslin. V _ “Never mind, my Spoopcndyke, “I’m too violent, anyhow broke it." n’t worfiiluvc. [’11 go without the carpet and curtains, and the paint will do well enough in the kitchen. Let me rub you with zu‘nicu." . ‘ u u... my". But Mr. Spoodendyke was too deeply grieved by his wife’s conduct to accept any office at her hands, preferring to punish her by letting his wounds smart rather than to get well, and thereby relieve her of any anxiety she brought on herself hy acting so outrageously under the circumstances. “I s‘poac so," sm. “'l‘herc’s $60 gone.‘ Joopendyke assisted in righting him BICYCLE EXERCISE. ,' dear,” said Mr. Spoopendyke, ) to his wife's room, “If you’u ,__un4-c>->uyâ€" so," suul'tcd Mr. Hpoopcmlyke. tlczu',” counselled Mrs. afraid the exermse was and I’m rather glad you Va pléasant THE Princess Bismarck. who has horses and carriages enough for a regiment, took a fancy to drive in the streets of Berlin in a growler the other day, and left her diamond brooch in it. THE Crown Prince and Princess received Dr. Schliemann with cordiality at Potsdam, when he carried his Trojan gifts to Berlin for the Gewerbe Museum. PRINCE BTSMARFK has written a letter to an Italian statesman expressing his happi- ness that Germany and Italy are to-day allies as they were during the campaign of Sadowa and Custozza. Tm: Duke of Sutherland is thought to ap- pear more like a- business man than a noble- man ; he has regular features, blue eyes, bright complexion, short gray hair, tawny heard and moustache. THE Chief of the Mackenzie clan, whose mother was the Helen of Sir Walter Scott's “ Lady of the Lake,” Mr. Keith William Stewart Mackenzie, died lately. ' BISMARCK made hay while the sun shone when invalided in a country house inDcnmark; he learned Danish without a gmnunar or master, with only the aid of a dictionary and some books in the language. EVERYTHING at the Beaconsfield sale sold well, even down to the “ pillow cases mark- ed with the late Earl’s coronet and cipher,” and the “ Lloyleys” and “ tea cloths," which were eagerly bid for. According; to the auctioneers, the lots fetched 100 per cent. more than they were intrinsically worth. ADMIRAL BUTsKOFF, who holds a high official position in the Russian Ministry of Marine, has refused to Sign a contract made with a welleknown shipbuilding firm on the Neva for a new armor-clad frigate, because he deems the price excessive by 1,300,000 roubles. This refusal has created much comment at St. Petersburg. Amnmucox LEAR, canon in residence at the cathedral at Salisbury, England, was lately the subject of a hoax borrowed from Theodore Hook, thirty people having been invited to lunch With him, and all sorts of goods ordered to he sent to his pi'cbemlul house, including three tons of coal, while two large schools were asked to present them- selves at the same hour. HALL s Vaun'msu: Slum.“ H.511: R1“.- NEWER. is a scientific combination of seine of the most powerful restorative agents in the vegetable kingdom. It restores gray hair to its original colour. It makes the scalp White and clean. It cures dandruff and humors, and falling out of hair. It furnishes the nu- tritive principle by which the hair is nour- ished and supported. It makes the hair moist, soft and glossy, and is unsurpassed as a hair dressing. It is the most economical preparation ever ofl'ered to the public, as its efiects remain a long time, making only an occasional application necessary. It is recom- mended and used by eminent medical men, and oliicially endorsed by the State Assayer of Massachusetts. The popularity of Hall’s Hair Renewer has increased with the test of many years both in this country and in the foreign lands, and it is now known andused in all the civilized countries of the world. For sale hv all dealers. ~â€"â€"â€"4Ioo<‘o'>o¢»â€"â€"' " An Astonishing Fact. . A large proportion of the American people are to-day dying from the effects of Dyspep- sia or disordered liver. The result of these diseases upon the masses of intelligent and valuable people is most alarming making life actually a burden instead of a pleasant exist- ence of enjoyment and usefulness as it ought to be. There is no good reason for this, if you will only throw aside prejudice and skepticism, take the advice of Druggists and your friends, and try one bottle of Green’s August Flower. Your speedy relief is certain. Millions of bottles of this medi- cine have been given away to try its Virtues, with satisfactory results in every case. You can buy a sample bottle for 10 cents to try. Three doses will relieve the worst case. Pos- itivelyso‘d by all Drugaists on the \Vestern continent. . Ask your dealer for “_Cast0rinc “ Matching Oil and see that, the ban-(31 ls branded “ Castorme," as none other ls gcnume LIFE HAS FEW CHARMS for the Dyspeptic, which is not to be wondered at when we take into account; the amount of bodily and men- tal sufi'ering that this distressing malady generates. The Peruvian Syrup (3. protoxide of iron) has cured thousands who were suf- fering from this disease. Use “Castorlne” Machine 011 for all kinds of machinery. It is also excellent for harness and leather. making it water and weatherproof. For sale by all dealers. TEMPORARY RELIEF, in casesof piles, may, perhaps, be found in some merely outward applicatlon; but a permanent cure can only be secured by an outward applicatinn assist ed by an internal remedy. This is found in the great Medical Pile Remedy. Hugh Mil- ler & 00., Toronto. Toronto 0}l(bmpun){aru s‘ole nmumacmrcrs of " Tastorme uchme ()ll. lnfrmgomcnts :\:i11 fie , fiéutcd Burdock Blood Bitters Cures all diseases of the blood, lirerznul kid- neys, female complaints. nervous and gener- al dehility, and builds up the entire system when broken down by disease. Are you getting up a. Lacrosse (Ilnh ‘: (let Cooper‘s striped under-vest; Blue Navy, and Red Stripe), (JOets and (flats each. Cooper‘s, 10.0 Yongu Ht‘ 'I‘oronto. Have You Tried It 'I ll' so you fill] testify to its marvellous powers of healing and recommend it to your friends. We refer to Dr. Fowler’s Extract of “'ild Strawberry. the grand specific for all summer complaints, diarrhuu. cholera mmn bus, dysentery. crmnps, eholie, sickness of the stomach and bowel complaints of infants or adults. Let its merits he known to all who have not used it. Cholera Infantum. That terrible scourge among children may be speeilily cured by Dr. Fowler’s Extract of \Yild Strawberry. All forms of bowel com- plaint, nausea and vomiting, from an ordin. ary (liarrlm-a to the most severe attack of Canadian cholera, can be snlnlued by its prompt use. 1t is the best remedy known for children or adults suffering from summer complaints. Tol-onto Oil Company are sole manufaturers of “Castorine” Maclune Oil. Infringements will be prosecuted. CELEBRATE!) PEOPLE. m 4.. m ‘ 0]: SALE. IN THE T0\\'XSHIPO)«‘ RAMA partly improved farm, 100 acres: good buildings; sell cheap. Apply to THOMAS KEELE {.'\Vusllugo P. 0.. Out. ‘4 \ouna uuzr I'ISEGAR"& “ROYAL V. 0. Uder Vinegar" are both guaran- tecid [bu make excellent; pickles. Manufactured on v y Auger. bores 5 {6 ‘25 hick. Hand 01- horse ower. Send for catalogue. 68 Mary‘St" Hami ton. Ont. .umnu Lulu ohm]; Xiiutfim'f) YOUNG, Toronto. sol Government Land ‘and 30115 Land on commlssion. ROSSIN HOUS . ‘19:}? ace Hotel of Canada. VMarAk H. IpishLngriotor: GEO. WWKTSON. EXEC} \Vest. Toronto. Mali-k; nREfiRIfzictured 'by 7M. ii- SH YOUXG 8: C0., 13 W'ellington St. East, Toronto. Agents wanted. ARTIFICIAL LIMBS “PREPARED THER Durable, Light Elastic. and cheap. First prize at Provincia Exhibition, London. Testimonials 0n applich tion. Satisfaction guaranteed. Address, J. DOAX 85 SON. Dmyton, Ont ' " ‘" MOSHAW’A CABINET 00., 97 Yonge Street, ‘ I Toronto. Ont. The London Institute for the (urn of Im- podlment In Ilw Speech has unopened for the fan and wintor. For cir- culars and testlmmnuls Iron: hundreds we have cured. address ’l‘hose going to Manitoba will find it to their advantage to correspond with us. Subscribe for the Colonist News, a paper giving just the infor- mation you require: 10 c. to end of year. Pam- phlets, with maps, sent free. llnlbrook's Slh Parly,with sleeping cars attached, will leave on In]: Sop!" per G.'l‘. It. at 11.45 a. 1n.. and. con- tinue every other week during the season, pre- ceded two days before by theil ust freight train. 75,000 acres of choice [and t'orsale on easy terms. Letters enclose 3r. stump for reply. I). ll. IIIDLIHHHJK. Successor to R. \V. l’rittic S: (1)., til King Street East. Toronto. MANITOBA! Supplies the blood with its "ilul Principle. or [Afr Elvmem. “my. infusing Strensys- Yigox‘. and New Life into all parts 01' the sys t‘elh. GANADA’S GREAT FAIR PERUVIAN SYRUP are offered fér Live Stock, Poultry. Agricul- tural, Horticultural, and Dalry Products, llnpk‘» moms, Manufactures and Ladies Work, Inc” 6.1:. INDUSTRIAL EXHIBITION! CITY OF TORONTO, Septembeyu‘vfgphq‘p‘g ’17th, 1881, ENTRIES CLOSE ‘ FOLLOXVS: Manufactures of all kinds. Hut. August 20th. Live Stock. (£12. “ “ " Poultry. Lady tidcrs, &c., September lst. EVERYTHING NEW, llw :{1‘ "1111‘s! nllru films and hes! :H'l'olll- Ismdailou for (whilyllurs :unl visilors evol- olTH-Nl at any oxhihiflon lu-Ivl in "11- Im- mlnion 0f (‘aunul $0§1fix§1y7\\:17\70r5 ()1r1fli-(xn-Z'7iipl 6r posf roard. Send for them to J. J. WITHROW, H. J. HILL, l’l-osidcnt. Secretary, Toronto. THE STARR KIDNEY PAD! CHEAP ICXUL'RSIONS will bu run from all points. What’s in a Name ? ’l‘he virtue of most of the patent medicines with which the market is flooded, lies in the name, but the virtues of Burdock Blood Bit- ters lie in the fact that they cleanse the blood of impurities, and cure dyspepsia, l)il< iousness and indigestion. Price $1.00. trial bottle 10 cents. BIGKLE’S A G SYRUP [f you 110ml anything for such commuin H can hardly find its equal. Ask for it. Caugns Golds, Group, Whooping Cough, 6w. JNO. W. BICKLE, - Proprietor (Formerly BICKLE & SON.) HAMILTON O] Cures Dyspepsia, Nervous Affec- tions, General Debility, Fever and Ague, Paralysis, Chronic Diarrhoea, Bails, Dropsy, Humors, Female Com- plaints, Liver Complaint, Remittent Fever, and all diseases originating in a bad State of the Blood, or accompanied by Debility or a low State of the System. fiiiZE LISTS aml FN’l‘RY FORMS will be ADINII‘HHNG INSTITI'TE. London. 0m. OITLIHSGS. Frames. Mirrors, Glass. Pi! tures. 8:0,, SCC. II. J MATTHEWS ¢t BRO.. Toronto. IS. I. (‘IIAIH.TON. llmnlligu. Quit: $25,090 IN _ PVRI‘ZES Hm nu; LIVING u Ajl‘Eli STAR 1881. v.\Nl)~- 1881. BIA‘E IEH' 'I'RI III \‘IZ'H i’N’sT’U’CTI'VE. and ('1‘ “'0 W E EKSL r _\'1‘ THE A never falling I’m-mu- m'nl ('nr for Diseases of line Kidneys. Bladder :Iml l'rimu-y (DI-galls. m- allrnulnnt complaints. “The for [null hm on KIDNEY IIISEA ES and Printed his! of I‘slium- nials. lrev. Starr KidneyPad Go. MANUFACTURED \N IORON 1'0 :: King SI. “(‘51, 'I‘0IHH'T0. iii-luster andijkt- torney. 49 King INTERESTING. ONTARIO Boarding null Day School for Young Ladies. LASSES “'ILL BE RESUMED SEPT. 6th. This school (now fifteen years estab- lished) still offers the same superior advantages of obtainin a. thorough education, combinin a refined an happy home. A full staff of t 6 best masters and resident governesses. For particulars apply to MRS. SEVILLE. 186 John Street, Toronto. 33in Privinmai Exhibition â€"OF THEâ€" Agriculiural &ArtsAsso’ciation 0F ONTARIO. TO BE HELD AT LONDON, “FROM! 2131: to the 30th Sept., 1881. $18,000 OFFERED IN PREMIUMS. Entries must be made with the Svcretal'y at Toronto on 01' before the undcrnmntiouml dates, v - Cattle, Sheep. Swing. Poultry" Agri- Implcmonts, on 01' hm'orc Saturday. 293,11; cultura A {1g nam, m (1 Roots. and other Farm Products. Machinery, and Manufactures generally. on or before Saturday. August 27111. Horticultural l’rmlurts, Ladirs' \York, Fine Arlts. etc”, on or before Salurday. September 3r( . ilzc Lists and Blank Forms for nmking the entries upon, can be obtained of the Socrmaries of all Avrivulliu‘al and Horticultural Societies aiid Moulmnius' [llsbimlos Lhi'ougliout. the Pro- Vim-o. "mm “tum. . w-rrlnry. Toronto. J. n. u‘uaswoln‘n. l’rl-siulvnl. Xvwlnn'gh. Building & Loan Association. s 0f ropuymnnl lo suil borrowers. D. GALBRAITH, (h 0mm. Mirrors. I‘erl‘oruloll Goods. sic. Importcrs and Mamlfgcturqrs of every dcscrip tum 0t BIRTHDAY 86 SUNDAY SUHUUL CARDS MONEY T0 LOAN PHDTUGRAPHIG HOBBS, FRAMES. MOULDINGS, [yon & Alexander, For sale, by dealers CYCI‘YWhCl‘CVWHOLKSALE only M) the Munufuctururs. (lures cholera, Cholera Morbus,0y- sentery, cramps, Colic, Sea Sic/i- ness and Summer Complaint; also Cholera Infantum, and all 00m- plaints peculiar to children teeth- ing, and will be found equally beneficial for adults or children. FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS. T. MELBURN & 00., Thls brand 1- guaranteed to be the V8 \ best Chewing Tobamo in Canada, beinz manufactur d of the finest : un-cured Virginia Leaf. To avoid unposition see that each Plug bears the tin stamp, and every Caddy the Caution nomce of THE ADAMS TDBAGGO GO. MON TREAL. BLACKBIRD - The Old Reliable. The remedy that has stood the test of time i a Dr. Fowler’s Extract of \Vild Strawberry. Almost infallible to cure dysentery, cholera Inorbus, and all manner of fluxes, cholic cramps, cholera infantum. and every form of summer complaints. Interest allowed on deposits. New Illusfrufed Catalogue Isszwd Isl IIIay. I28 BAY ST., TORONTO. ROLLESTON HOUSE. AT LOWEST RATES. 13 TORONTO ST., TORONTO. NA VY TOBA COO B ICYC I JG Send 30. Stamp‘fm‘ circular of “ FORM. CANADIAN [hun- swm. A mmmss. Best English Makes. . 0; Box mm Monlreul. A. T. LANE, “a Toronto. Manager. The Wilson Hay Scale I purchased from you gives entire satisfaction both in sensitiveness and accuracy. The Patent, Beam is a model for simplicity in calculating. and in beauty, in fin- ish and design. and as a whole, the scale is a credit to the manufacturer. Vfi'iahing you every success. 0. SNURE, Jordon P. 0. WILSON SGALES 25 0. WILSON & SON. Wood Furnaces! For Warming Churches, M lmol Hon Dwellingm Semi for Iiusrripllw- 'mnphlol. nu; FINEST sums n’ Tm; W rite for prices. Every Scale warranted. THE BOYNTON HOT AIR FURNACES. NIANITFAC'I‘I nuns. HAMILTON, ON'I‘ A General Defeated. A Mrs. J. G. Robertson writes: “I ma; suffering from general debility, want of ap- petite, constipation, etc., so that life was a burden; after using Burdock Blood Bitters I felt better than for years. I cannot praise your Bitters too much. WATERDUS ENGINE WORKS GU” BRANTFORD, ONT. GURNEY’S NEW HARRIS 45 ESPLANADE STREET EAST, TORONTO. Five Sizes of Coal Burners. E. & G. GURNEY & 00., LAIDLAW, BOWES & 00., PORTABLE 0R ‘ [Vi 0)] 33 S: 35 Adelaide St. West. Toronm CENTS. LADIES send me a quar~ ter of a. dollar and I will mail you the lABlES’ JOURNAL every month for a year. It is an 8-pagc fashion paper, beautifully illusw tratr’d, and contains all the latest fashion notes from the best Amer~ ican and foreign publications known. Address nd foreign publicat Address S. FRANK “'ILSON. THE HAMILTON. ONT