The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Secret Ponce Who are Really Secret 3:. a Who Actually Do Detect. The skillful Men in the Secret Branch of the French Policeâ€"Artist» In heir Profession. Some five or six years ago, being on a visâ€" it to Paris, I ‘went to see a friend, a French gentlemen I had known for many years,who with his wife and only daughter lived all second in a small house in the Faubonrg St. Garmmn. I found the family one and allin the greatest possible excitement. During the night their domicile had been broken in- to and property to the amount of about 30,000 francs. (£1,200), consisting of plate, jewels, money and bonds, had been stolen. My friend was by no mean x a rich man, and the loss was to him a. very Lei-ions one. The strange part of the affair was that no one seemed to have the slightest idea> by whom or how the lost things had been taken. They were kept in a. large iron-clumped chest, which was never moved out of the salle a manger,‘~‘and which was found in its usual place next morning, but with the lock for- ced open. The servants of the family were only two in number, and consisted of an elderly man and his wife, who had been in the same service for more than ten years. They did not sleep on the same floor as their master and mistress, but, as is usual in Paris, occupied a. room some stories higher in the mansard or attic. They had a key by which to let themselves in from the buck stairs to thekitchen in the morning ; but at the time of the robbery neither one nor other had been in the dining-room, Where the chest was kept until after my friend’s daughter had found out what had happened. The lady of the family had lock- ed thevchestrgit was her usual habitâ€"â€"beforc she had retired to rest the previous night. The key was found hanging on a nail at the head of her bed, its usual place. The theft must have been committed between 11 1’. M when the chest was locked, and 8 A. l\I., when her daughter discovered the loss. The concierge declared thth no one save those who lived in the house had passed his lodge during those hours. The door of the sport- ment opening on to the main staircase was found locked and the key on the inside. Al- together it was a most mysterious business, of which no one could make anything, save that the property had vanished ; therefore, it must have been takenhy some- one. My friend resolved at once to go to the Rue de Jei‘usnleinwthe Scotland Yard 01' l'arisir-and ask the authorities to enquire into the matter. I suggested an agent do, police or policeman from the nearest station might be called, but was told that that was not the way they did things in Paris. The policemen that kept order in‘the streets and those whose business it is to discover what; has become of stolen property are two de- partments perfectly distinct from each oth- er. Being anxious to see how our neighbors managed affairs of this kind, and whether they were better up to their work than our London detectives, I accompanied my friend to the prefecture (16 police, where he sent in his card, and we were at once ushered into the presence of a. quiet-looking elderly gen- tleman, one of the sous-chefs of the depart- ment, who loohed more like a bank manag- er or head clerk in a. large mercantiTe house than a man whose occupation was to indicate where the thieves and others who were “ wanted ” could be laid hands A Frenchman is nothing if he is not polite. The individual into whose sanctum we were shown welcomed us with a civility which nothing could exceed. He heard my friends story from first to last, lllflde a few notes with a. pen in a kind of diary which he had on his desk, and now and then asked a. ques- tion or two respecting the house and apart- ment which had been robbed, the servants visitors, and other matters. But he did not detain us long. The interview was over in twenty minutes. The soussehef then told my friend that he would send one of his subordinates to see the chest the next day. In the meantime, would my friend prepare a list‘and as minute a. description as possible of the property that had been stolen ‘2 As a rule Frenchmen, no matter what rank of life they belong, have the greatest pOSSible respect for all who are in any way connected with the police, and ne- ver dream of disputing what they say; but my friend was somewhat annoyed at what he deemed useless delay, and asked whether the police agent could not he sent at once. The sous-chef, however, overruled his ob- jection, and said it was best for many rea- sons the agent should not 2'0 to the house till next day. “In the first place,” he said, “I do not wish anyone but yourselves to know that the gentleman who will call on you to-morrow is any way connected with the police. He will send up a card and you will be kind enough to receive him as a friend talk to him of the robbery in the presence of your servants us you would to any casual acquaintance.” He then turn ed to me and said, laugliingly: “\\"e do not manage these affairs as you do in London. \Ve don’tafliehe ourpoliee;we don’t send con- stables (he pronounced the Word ‘eonestahel') make a fuss and put everyone on theirgunrd we like to do things quietly, the result is better.” He then bowed us out and we took 0111'_(lepartui'e, not over assured as to what the upshot of the affair would he. A PARKS lJE'l'ISC'l‘lVl'I. “Un monsieur qui desire voos your,” said my friend’s man servant next day, putting a, card into his master’s hand, just as we were finishing our midday meal, and a'gen- tlcman-like, 111iddle-aged man was shown in He was close shaved as to the chin and up- per lip, but were small whiskers, more like an English man of business of ten years age than a native of la belle France. He was well, but not fashionably dressed, and cur- ried a, small cone, with which he kept gent- ly tapping his hoot when not speaking. \Vhile the servant was in the room he con‘ lined his conversation to generalities, and gave his opinions freely on the political sub- jects of the day. W hen my friend spoke of‘ the robbery, and pointed to the chest out of which the property had been tak~ en, he merely glanced‘at it, looked atthc lock for u. moment, and turned the conversa- ti”. FRENCH DETECTIVES. v. :d madam focal] h<r nuid and talk LE RUE DE .Jlilll'féALIIM to her on some indifferent subject. This was done, and I watched his face during the time the woman was present : but he mere- ly looked at her 01100, and continued talking to me. The only point on which he seemed really anxious was to obtain a fuller description of the articles lost than he had been already furnished with. My friend offered to give him details then and there, but he declined to wait for it,on the plea that by prolonging his visit he might arouse suspicion among the servants. We suggested meeting him near the Rue de Jerusalem, but he laughed at the idea, say- ing that if he were once seen near the police office his occupation would be gone, as he would be no longer of any real use as an ug- ent of the police. So an appointment was made to meet at the Cafe du Helder on the boulevards. where a more detailed descrip- tion of the lost property should be given to him. He then took hls leave, but asked me to accompany him down stairs, so as to im- press the eoneierg with the idea that he was an acquaintance of some standing. Before arriving at the bottom, I found my friend had managed to dirty his coat in a. manner which necessitated the turning into the con eierge’s lodge to borrow a ulothesbrush, thereby gaining an opportunity of casting an eye round the small room and on its occupi- er. To me, being initialed. the object was palpable, though quite unsuspected by the individual in question. When the brushing was over we v. llmd out ‘ her. This was on 'lfhursduy evening, (hi M 011- day, about 11 A. M., the waitci'of the ho- tel where I was staying told me that a gen- tleman wished to speak to me. He was shown up, and this time the detective was not disguised. He told me that for reasons which 1 would learn later, he thought it hotter to come to me than to Germain. He said he had good news; for that he believed the greater part of the stolen pi‘opm'tv had been recovered, and asked me to go to the prefecture dc police on the following day, about 2 1’. M., and to take my friend with me. \Ve did so, and found that what the detective haul told me was true. Among other valuables that had been stolen was a. canvas bag containing between 200 and 300 Napoleons. These had disappeared; but the jewelry, the plate. and, what was still more surprising, th'bonds, payable, as all such documents are in France, an porteur (to the bearer), had been found and were ready for my friend to identify. This was easily done, but nothing was allowed to be touch- ed for the present, as it would have to be sworn to at the trial which would shortly take place. When my friend returned home he found that while he was at the prefecture the concierge had been arrested for conniv- ing at the theft, and in the lodge was found, in a hidden cupboard, the bag containing the money. In a. word, without fuss, pub- licity, or loss of time, the whole of the prop- erty which had been stolen the week be- fore was in the hands of the police. In ten days more the trial was over, the concierge and two of his relations were each condemn- ed to five years’ of tmvaux forces (penal servitude) my friend got back the whole of his property, and, what to me as an English man seemed much more extraordinary, the total expense of the proceedings came to something like 100 francs (£4). Even the payment was nearly all voluntary, for my friend insisted upon making a. small pre- sent to the detective who had done his work so well. To give any details as to how the valua- bles were found, or how the robbery was traced to the concierge, is not in my power. The French police are invariably \‘Cl'y’ reti- cent, particularly in cases like the one I have attempted to describe. 'l‘hey have a theory that publicity on such occasions is a very great mistake and hinders justice. I called with my friend upon the sous-chef to thank him for the trouble he had taken He was a very intelligent person, and evidently a, man of education. He had been in Eng- land on business connected with his ufliee, and spoke very freely about our police and their way of doing business. He considered such of the force as were employed in main- taining public ordoras among the very best in Europe. But of our detective system he had a very low opinion. As he said, very truly, no sooner is a. robbm-y committed in England than the utmost publicity is given to the whole affair, and the thieves are as well aware of what steps are being taken to unravel the matter as the police themselves. It is true that a certain number of our police wear plain clothes instead of uniform, but it is certain that these are as Well known to the criminal classes of London as their brethren who wear blue tunies and hel- mets. ‘ A teacher in one of the public schonls was ‘ing an oral lesson to her class one day this week, and having minutely detailed the characteristic» and appearance of uhmr, she asked tho children if they knew the name of the animal that she 11ml buen ill»;- Ci‘ibing. Many hands were misml, anl a lit- tle girl with animated tone called out “a. duck.” That teacher thinks (mil instruction 3. failure. ‘. In Paris the detective who is engaged in tracing crime is, so to speak, hiilden from public view. He "arely goes even to the prefecture dc police; he has his order given him either by a confidential agent or by a letter written in cipher. He mixrs in so- ciety and meets all sorts and c nditions of men, but his occupation is known to very few persons indeed. So much is this the case that the French detective: very seldom know each other; thth is tosay, Mr. A. may be very well acquainted with Mr. M, hut neither of them knows that the other is em- ployed by the police. l was told by one of the authorities in the Rue (le Jerusalem that in London the undiscovered robberies are to those that are diecm‘ered in the proportion of three to one. If the French police are r1ght in their statements, the larger the robbery that takes place in Paris the greater chance there is (if its being found (Jllt,‘»\'l)('l‘('v as in London we know the exact contrary to he the case. IN th' street car. Blonde» 7“ They say Carrie is Lngngud." Brunette-m“ “Engaged ! \Vhy she was married a month ago and has just sued frr a divorce.” Blomlc “How romantic ! isn’t, it splendid ‘3‘" BENCH A N D ENG LISll METHO Oral Instruction 3. Failure Till: IIUBBEIIY I! 934‘0010 on (‘O‘bcm RH) " Dal" am sartin folkses I want to keep away from,” began the old man as the voices of the Glee Club died away on the last strains of “Sarah Jane’s Baby.?’ “I mean dat class of people who groan ober dc wickedness of de world, an’ who have heart- aches an’ sorrows to peddle aroun’ (1e ken- try at de reg'lax- market rates. Dar om de ole mun Turner. He comes ober to see me now and don, but he can’t sot still kase somebody stole his dog, or hit him wid a brick-bat, or beat him out of seventy-five cents. He fully believes the world um gwine to smash at de rate of fifteen miles an hour, au’it would earnemost kill him to lose his 010 wallet 2111’ find a man honest ’nuff to return it.” THE LIME-KEN CLUB- “De widder Plumsell comes ober to borry some butter fur supper, an’ she drops down on a cha’r an’ heave-s a. Slgll as big as a barn (103.11 311’ goes on to say (lat dis am a. cold an’ uufcelin’ world. ’Cording to her tell all men am dishonest, all women extravagant, an’ all chill’en just ready to come down wid the measels. Tears run down her checks as she tells how she has to work an’ plan while cbcrybody else has money to frow inter Lake Erie, an’ she Wipes her nose on her apron as she asserts (lat dis wick- ed world can’t slanf mo’ (lan fo’ weeks longer. " Dex ) Sniper draps in to eat pop-corn wid me of a Friday ebenin’ an’ he hardly gits out from under his hat befo’ he begins to tell what his first wife died of ; how his second run away; how hisjhird broke. her leg by fallin’ ofl' a fence an’ (East him $28.14 for doctor’s bill. an’ befo’ he gets frew you couldn’t make him believe but (lat de (lull world was dead agin him. He predicts a. late spring, a hot summer, poor crops, high prices, a bloody war, an’ goes home feelin’ (lat he am stoppin’ 0n airth only to accom- modate somebody. “I have no sorrow of my own. I’ve been robbed, but dat was kase I left a window up. I’ve been swindled, but (lat was liase I thought fo’ queens would beat fo’aces. I’ve bought lottery tickets which didn’t draw ; I’ve bin sick unto death a-n’ I’ve bin shot in the back wid a hull brickyard, but I do not sorrow and I do not ax fur sym- pathy. De world am plenty full ’nuff fur do class of people livin’ in it. Honest men am not lonesome fur company, an’ honest woman am sartin to be appreciated. De jani- tor will now open fo’ winders an’ we will pin-coed to bizness.” The applications for membership number- ed upwards of forty, and included seven elders, three Ileacons, two professors and a doctor of laws. The latter, who hails from ' North Carolina, claimed to have been in jail with Elder Toots, but this the latter indig- nantly denied, and brought on such a fit of coughing that he had to be taken out into the back yard and patted on the back with an empty herring-box. ELECTION. b’ir Isaac Walpole was a little slow in starting out With the bean-box, owing to the presence of a second crop of chilblains, but when he got his boots on he was only thirteen minutes in making favorable returns on the following candidates: Elder John Bacon, Terrific Smith, Prof. Gallipolee, Judge McAfoodle, Col. Slaybaek, Caracus Jones and Peruvian Thompson. A DANGEROUS FAILURE. At this juncture the keeper of the pass- word announced that Prof. Boliver Jackson, of Halifax, N ova Scotia, was present with his Back-Action, Three-Ply, FullJewclled Heel-Compressor and would like to give an exhibition before the club. Brother Gardner explained that the Secretary had had some correspondence with the inventor, and that the gentleman had come on at his own expense. There were colored people just fool- ish enough to feel ashamed of the long heels given them by nature to make their mark in the world, and this Heel-Compressor had been invented to reshape the foot. He was perfectly satisfied with his own feet, but he would have the machine brought in and let any member of the club try it. Prof. Jack- son was accordingly admitted, and he placed his invention in the center of the room and delivered a short lecture on his long strug- gle to secure what the colored race had long sighed for. He warranted it to work smoothly, envenly and satisfactorily in all respects, and Pickles Smith volunteered his feet to be experimented on. Pulling off one of his cow-hides he placed his right foot in the box, and the professor began singing: “ We Shall Never Meet Again.” At the seventh turn of the crank the springs en- countered a corn fourteen years old on Brother Smith’s heel, and an explosion took place which knocked the professor down, pitched Samuel Shin into the wood-box, and shot Smith headlong down the hall on his stomach. Five of the lamps were extin- guished, one of the bear traps thrown down, and 117 new crack appeared in the ceilling. It was a great wonder that no one was kill- ed as the pieces flew here and’there, and one congheel weighing four pounds was hurled through a window and knocked a shower of shingles off an ice-house. There was great confusion for two or three min- utes, during which time the professor leaped from a back window into the alley and es- coped. “ Gem’len, whu «loos dis prove Y” asked the President, after order had been once more restored. “It proves that the pusson who ain’t satisfied “la the way Nahu" did her work comes next doah to bein’ a. fool. Let; dis be tooken as 2L solemn warnin’ to let our heels alone 1171’ to 1):} £511 all foclin’ aqin (le “"u'e man kase l;c hat; stmigl‘fic hazy.” ' The Chairman on the Committee 71" 1’00- ti'y announced that he had received from Eli Stoking, of Harrisburg, an idyl entitled, “My Dog ;” from Vicksburg Smith, of Mil- waukee, a poem entitled, “My Gout,” and from Recover Jones, of Alabama, a yard and a half of rhyme on “My Old Dad” â€"â€"a11 entered for the \Vaydmvn Beebe prize. mg vuo GOT IT? The Secretary tlxcn announccd the follow- .ilxormcn CARL-NE}: al have this‘ day for Dcuo ‘1 Flu Prus‘ PETITIOXS. POST MILLS, VT., 1 March 3, ’82. j warded you one of my patent silver-plated, seven-jointed fishing rods. I desire you to hand it to the member whoâ€" “ _ Who is bracing himself to out-lie all other fish liars during the coming seas- on. - past. THOS. H. CHUBB. Amidst the most dreadful silence Brother Gardner explained that he had taken the rod home to await the coming season’s environ- ment. ' Brother Gardner was at this moment call- ed out in a hurry, and when he returned he explained that tnc Hon. Hindsight W’il- liams, of Akron, 0., had just arrived on a freight train and was anxious to appear before the club, and deliver his speech on, “\Vhat is a. Country “’ithout Cab- bages 7” m . u. . y WC , , . Col. Pianer Treadwell at once arose to ob- ject. He knew the Ohio man passing well, having lived in the same town with him for a year. The Hon. \Villiams vlmd once been arrested for accumulating thirteen axes, and he could prove it. ,F _. ‘ .. . 1 'rr Judge Boliver Jones also objected. He had also known the great orator from the Buckeye State,and was the poorer for it. No matter what a. countrv would be without cabbages, it would certainly be blessed with- out the Hon. ‘Villiams. The President then appointed Samuel Shin and Gen. Bones a. committee to steal softly out and walk the lecturer down stairs. two steps at a time, and when the sounds of the struggle had died away the meeting quietly adioturned. Trustee Fullback said that he met the great lecturer in Toledo last sum- mer and lent $5, and the money was still lent. “Ever seen navigation open as early as this before?” he repeated as he glanced out of the Window at the river and settled back in his chairâ€"“bless you, yes ! Why, this is no spring at all compared to the one we had along in the forties. I don’t exactly remem- ber the year, but we’ll say 1844.” “ Very early, was it ?” “ Yes, indeed. \Vc only had seven flakes of snow that whole winter, and they fell in December. Only seven, sir, and the other two men who kept count with Inc are now up in the sail 10ft. Shall I call them my down: “ Oh, no azxattor. “he the river froz- en"! “ Not the first Sight of ice :«ll winiczi.” “Did vessels continue tog-1m?” “ Right along without a. bx‘ea-k. ($11 the 10th of January I sailed into LlEulTulo with a cargo of wheat, and the weather was so warm that the men walked the decks bsz- footed. On the return trip 1 was sunstruck off Point Au Pelee.” “ Is that possible?” “ That’s a. (lead fact. That was a sad trip tor me, both financially and physical- 1y.’f_~ you. y “ Not on the cargo, but going off just at the time I did and being gone eleven (lays threw my garden patch all behind and it never caught up. ” “But you got over the .sunstroke ?” “Not entirely, and probably never shall. I can’t talk five minutes without feeling dry, and if I should go to ask you to have a. glass of beer with me I’d stutter over it so long that you’d have a chance to ask me twice to. drink with you 9“ ' No, young man,” he continued, as he care- fully put the gloss down, “don’t try to rush the sea-son. Early navigation has no money in it, and the result is an infirmity which will follow me to the grave," I always smoke after drinking thanks - don’t care if I doâ€"«I prefer dark colorâ€"and yet ~that is, don’t rush things. There’s nothâ€" ing gained by it. ,_-â€"â€"40o 4.0» > «W‘ Coming to the Point Comment is often made on the curiosity of people in the agricultural districts, but it is only right and proper that an honest farmer who is addressed by a. perfect strangâ€" er should weight the subject well before giving away valuable information. The other day a Detroiter who was engineering a. horse and buggy over a muddy highway in the western part of this county meta farmer and called out: “Do you folks fly when you go to town?” rllhe farmer put down the rail he was lift- ing up, took a chew of “shorts” and advanm iug nearer, he calmly inquired: “Want to sell that hose?" { 4N0. 77 ' “\Vant to buy a mate to him?" “No.” “\Vant to trade that buggy for a (m‘ “No.” “Buying butter to ship?" “No.” “Speculatng 1n ‘taicrs any?" “N o.” “Anythingr new In Detroit?” “Haven’t heard of anything.” “Travelled very far to-day‘i" "About twelve miles.” “ 30ng to the city to-night?” "Yes, if I can get there. Now, then, do you folks out here along the line of this infernal river of mud fly when 3' ‘1 go to town?” Thcmun looked around, lus‘u'cd 1L 51gb, am‘; Mme 011' a, twig; to pick his teeth before answ ring.- “Stranger, \\ hat kin'l of a flying machme are you paddling, and what's your very [0‘53 est figure for cash?” â€"-â€"â€"â€"u~<o»>«-â€"â€"â€"â€"â€" The thdive’s Wife. Princes-ts Kalith Hanan]. the wife of tlre Khudive, likes poiitics and keeps well in- formed of the all‘airs of her country, The Princess is a, beautiful woman according to Turkish taste. She is exceedingly stout, with splendid hlaek hai' and eyes, and a lovely complexion. She is ‘24 years old, and was married at )5 to the Prince, who has no other wife. They have eight children. The two are deeply attached to each other. Tewfik passes his evenings at, home when- ever he can, and when business or pleasure calls him out his wife is generally not far ofl‘, behind a curtain or trellis. Why, you didn’t; lose any money, did Has fold the biggest fish lies in the A” <<O»> 09,â€"â€" Early Navigation Very scaly yours; Detroit Free Press‘ NO SPEECH. The bov who said soda water tastes like your ioot’s asleep, now says wciss beer is thawed sand-paper. Devil fish with arms twenty feet long are so numerous on the banks of Newfoundland that prudent men go back ten mi’ses into the country to get drunk. Stars never twinklc~never have and never will. It’s the eyes of the observer which do the blinking. Stars have business to see to and can’t be dodging about. A philosopher observes that there are two periods of life when a. man looks to see if his hair is coming outâ€"at 20, when he in- spects his upper lip;at 40, when he inspects the top of his head. The novelist who wrote, “She took his hand ; it was cold and clunme like that of a. serpent,” subsequently said : “ He is the right arm of the minister, and that import- ant personage has no eyes of his own, but looks only through his right arm.” A man has been sentenced to seven days at hard labor, by an English judge, for kiss« ing a lady at a railway staiiml. He plead- ed that he mist-00k her for an acquaintance and apologized immediately afterward. This probably was the trouble. No woman likes to he kissed for another. The late Thomas Hood, driving in the country one day. observed a notice beside a fence, “Beware the Dog.” There not being any signs of a dog, Moo-'1 wrote on the board, “\Vare be the dog ’ \Vchave often seen him squatting in city burnsâ€"made ('1' cast~i1‘onâ€"a11d he might be hbi-Ieal, “ Bo. hardware the dog." _ A Montana mule standing near a. mass.- ‘zine of giant powder when it exploded was hurled end over end seventy-five feet to the bottom of the dump pile on which he stood. \Vhen the smoke clem‘ed away he stood quietly plcking the bunch grass, not in the least disturbed. He had lifted people like that himself and knew how it was done. The boy who objected to learning the al- phabet because it was going through so much to get a little, will appreciate the scheme of lthe Iowa editor who, to the gen- tleman sending the best written proposal of marriage in letter form, will give a. year’s subscription to his paper ; and the same to the lady who sends the best written accept- ance of the proposal which takes the gentle- man’s prize. This is what the C(lltol' Calls “ combined instruction and fun ;" but amusements must be scarce in Iowa. According to one scientific man nobcdy really knows as yet the dangers of electric light. It a man should place his hands on a wire and the nmchinc should stop, he might receive an imlnrtn'o spark that would kill him; at any rate it might para- 1 20 his heart, or cause. st1~:.m:>'ulation 01‘ de- y _ .3 , 3 range lllS nervous system. As we cannot know until somebody tries it, evidently the best thing to do is to law-p iho hands 01f the wires. ~77,__‘¢o<<.'y co” Mammon‘s Palace in the Country. It is exeecdingly entertaining to observe the airs given to themselves by what are known as “little people,” when Mammon builds] a palace in their midst. They have lived in their small country houses for gen- erationsâ€"two 01' three perhaps~while Mam: mom is a new man; so they swagger accord- ingly. They will go tin-(nigh the farce of pretending that they are not quite sure whether they will ‘Jlll upon him at all; they will (leriae the improvements that he has made on his estate, and they will dilate upon his \‘ulgal‘ities. “is carriach, they say, are much too smart for the cannitry, and look very gaudy stide those (v: the Duke. He drives to covert when the dis- tance is only three miles, and he ha three hunters out when the Marquess himself only liasltwo. His model cottages are Letter than many rectories and tend to pauperiza- tion; the wages he gives are so high that no good servants or laborers are to he had in the country; he has sent up the price of hay £1 a ton, and his tenants have drawing rooms and studies instead of simply a kitch- en and a muckâ€"heap. In his ridiculously large hall there are stained glass windows, emblazoned with coats of arms, all of which, it is contended must necessarily be brand new from the herald’s office. “'as there over such vulgarity? His charitable critics, would pay their cooks but five and-twenty pounds a year, and rarely put even their worst champagne 011 their tables. accept his invitations, stay in his house, feast upon the \‘iands provided by his chef, dri k his priceless \rines, shoot his game, ride his horses, and enjoy all the entertainments he may provide them, and then they go about making fun of their host and his hespitaliti es, as if their visit had been an act of etc- eessive COIHlCSL sion on their part. The whole thing, they say, was dreadfully vul- gar, but “most amusing.” It was so ten-i. bly overdone! There were too many men in livery, too many flowers, too many wax candles; there was too much dry champagne, and, there ms too large a numhcr of people staying in the house. The phca‘sants were as tame as harnaloor fouls, the stables had three times- as many horses in them is could possibly he used, and the bedrooms were furnished like houdoirs. Meals suc- ceedcd ea h othertoo frequently, the finest cigars were constantly forced upon the guests, and cups; of tea or chocolate were forthcoming upon the slightest provocation in the bedrooms. Ridiculously tine music was provided in the cvcnings, and after the party staying in the honwe had danced for a couple oi hours they found a supper provid- ed t'or them that would have put the best efforts of Gunter in tle shade, which, said the guests, (2: "tor the manner of l-luclid) was absurd. 1n 1'" 11, every one had eaten, drank, and smoked thi: that were too good, and had enjoyed hp nself too much everything was too beautiful, and there was too much to he had for,or even without, the asking, all which was, of course, ‘tweaeivcly vulgar. The following story is told of a distin- guished Edinburgh professor: Desiring to go to church one wet Sunday he hired a cab, 0n reaching the church (1001', he tendered a shillingâ€"the legal fare to cabby, and was somewhat surprised to hear theflcabman say, s “ Twa shillin’: sir.’ The professor, fixifig his eye upon the cxtortioner, demanded why he charged two shillings. upon which the cabman drny answered, “ “'0 wish to dis- courage travellin’ on the Suwlmth as much as possible, sir.” CURRENCY.