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“ W'ell,” replied the other, “ he didn’t ShOW the blackfeather so much while the old man was alive; and they say he was greatly disappointed that his brother (lid not leave him a good share of the property. It appears he bequeathed nearly all to Miss Maria, hisonly daughter, allowing, however, a. handsome sum per annum to her guardian, to meet the expenses of bringing her up. It is said that the latter tried to force her into a marriage with her cousin, his son George, as unprincipled as himself, and as reckless a. spendthrift and gambler as ever handled the dice.” “ CI‘uelly ! I should think he did,” replied 1,21 0 other. “Ah! it was a sad affair for her when her-p001 pa pa died. How he could lame her m the guardianship of such an old curmudgeon beat_s my understanding. ” “ They do say he used her most crucliy, poor young lady,” said the stoutm‘ of the tradesmen, who sat nearest the fireplace, and who appeared to be indignant; about some point which had been mooted. My enhance and the lustlo of the land- lord had i11te11‘<uptcl the talk fora while ; but after a few commonplace remarks, such as usually pass between stmngcrs, I sett ed down quietly to my rum and- watm, and the com ersatio 1 was resumed. “Fine evcning, sir,” said mine host, as, noticing that I was :1. stmugor, he saluted me respectfully. “ Wlnt will you please to take 1’” I felt (lisposud to secure a nitrht- lodging lor a shorr, Lime ; fm in 0111 liLC we are by no means sure when 01‘ how “e shall be able to obtain access to the premises of which We (11's to take temporary‘ ‘.possessi0n " Be. sides, my inn expenses would be refunded; a. few extra. shillings were therefore of no consequence. as I had no thought of entering the house by this way myself, and as it was too late to hope to efl'ect an entrance at all that evenâ€" ing,_I returned to the Village, and walked into the Three Nags, a comfortable road-Side inn, about a hundred yards from the park gates. I entered the mug barvparlor and seated myself. 3 was occupied only by the landlord and two o’r‘ncr persons, tradesmen of the village, The three were quietly sipping their glasses and having a friendly chat. “011, a little 1‘11n1a11111atcr if you p.1ease -â€"Ca,t1 1 have a bed he re to-Light, landlord” “By all mums, sir !â€"~â€"SOCOXX'.1-fl or back. â€"Going to stay long ‘1" “ Hum 1 That depends upon circum- stances. At anyruie, 1 may “quire it for three or four nights at least.“ A On my arrival at the village of Briteleigh, I Went at once to have a sight of the house intrusted to me. Briteleigh Hall was a large, gloomy, old-fashioned building of the pre- ceding century, and stood at Some distance from the high-road, and in the centre of a park of considerable extent. The original edifice seemed to have been added to at dif- ferent periods; for the superstructure rose in a. motley succession of triangular gabled ends from the outhouses to the principal roof, which, surrounded by a parapet, and crowned with enormous stacks of tall chim- ney-pots, capped the whole. It struck me at the first glance, that however strongly bolted and barn-d below, it would be easy for any burglar to scale the height and effect an entrance by one of the numerous garret easements which fronted the parapet, unless the same were strongly secured. However, Now, I rather prided myself upon my professional dexterity. and this my employer knew; but it would have been childish to boast before him. I therefore smiled, but said nothing. Some other directions fol- lowed, of no importance to my tale; and after packing a. few necessaries in a. carpet- bag, I started for Briteleigh. It was the dusk of evening when I arrived at my desti- nation ; and I torthwith proceeded to recon- noitre the premises in which I was for a time to domicile as the humble representative of the “ majesty of the law,” and take under my surveillance the goods, chattels, &c._. of Arthur \Vintock, Esq., until either the just claims of \Varley VVarley, Esq., of VVarley Hall should be fully and duly satisfied, to- gether with all legal expenses incurred ; or the said goods, chattels, (he. should be puhliely brought to the hammer. “Meredith; " said my chief to me one bright May morning, when I waited upon him for instructions, “I wish you to run‘ down to Briteieigh in the matter of \Varlcy against \Vintock, and take possession in the usual manner. You will he more than ordinarily careful, as we have to do With a very subtle customer. Jones has already been down in the neighborhood; but has returned unsuccessful and quite dishearten- ed. I nope, however, you will have better luck. When once Within the premises, you had better sleep with one eye open, or not atoll, if you can so manage it.” _ I will not inflict. upon you my antece- dents ; sufficient to state that I am the son of a gentleman in goo ‘, though not opulent, circumstances. My father gave me an ex- cellent education, and afterwards a fair start in life by articling me to a neighbour- ing solicitor. I might have done well, for I liked the profession, and was an apt pupil ; but, unfortunatelyâ€"as is the case with too many intellectual young menâ€"I fell into evil company. It is unnecessary to enumerate the steps, from bad to worse, which gradu- ally led to my undoing ; eventually, I so far disgraced myself that my indentures were cancelled. Ashamed to meet my father, I went out into the world an outcast, with scarcely a shilling in my pocket. Failing other employment, I was at: last compelled â€"though bitterly repugnant to my feelings â€"to accept the humble occupation of a com- mon bailiff; and here my narrative, begins. There are many ups and downs in some lives, far more than are usually dreamed of by the few who, “ born with in silver spoon in their mouth,” pursue the even tenor of their path, unrufiled by the cares and afflicâ€" tions which crowd upon, and too often' over- whelm the 10:3 fortunate. Hard as it is to grapple with and bear the troubles which are inevitable to us in the ordinary course of nature, those we induce by our own indis- cretion and folly are still more grilling. I am afraid my case must rank among the latter, as you shall presently hear. THE MAN IN POSSESSION. “Ah! well, I suppose that was before I IN FIVE (,‘HAI’TE 1:4. CHAPTER I At the same moment the barking of a large dog broke forth within the house. I grasped my heavy walking-stick more tightly ; it had a loaded handle. I did not feel altogether comfortable. The voice was that of the gardener. He came into the yard through a small gateway which I had not observed, and which led into the garden. He held a long sharp three-pronged fork in his hand. I saw at a glance that move the first was defeated. Supposing the inmates “\Vants to rob the house, do ’68 ‘3" the voice continued. “\Vait till I calls the megstelj to ’ee. Thieves, thieves 1” I rose early next morning, and sauntered carelessly into the part, making a. circuit, to examine the house more thoroughly. If possible, it appeared more sombre and unin- viting by daylight than on the previous evening. Not that I attached much import- ance to the tale of my informant about its being haunted; but its heavy closed windows and its {general dilapidated lcok gave it al- together a chilling appearance, which Jarred dismally with the fresh spring scenery around. I cautiously neared the house and made a careful reconnaissance. Apparently, no one was stirring. The frontdoor I found was fastened. 1 went quietly round to the yard at the back and tried the latch of the kitchen door. It was fastened also. ” Hullo, guv’ner, what do ’ee want ‘2” I fairly started, and looked up, for 1 had thought myself unperceived. I could for the moment see no one. lug that he partly guessed the import of my Visit 'to the village. But I did not deem It expedient to satisfy his evident curiosity, lest in some way it might embarrass my movements. I accordinly took an early opportunity of changing the subject; and after spending a. very comfortable evening in social chat, retired to rest. Afl this I knew hemm, but was not aware that it was also known at Britclcigh. The old proverb says, " In news travels apace.” It is astonishing how rapidly the misfortunes or crimes of even the most wary get noised abroad, in spite of the most strenuous efforts to keep them concealed, I did not, how- ever, enlighten my friend as to my fore- knowledge, though I could not help think- ‘E‘Not he.‘ It was all a. scheme to rid them of present difficulties. But: I suppose 01d \Varley is down upon taem at last rather sharp.” loge “The very same, sir,” replied the stout man, glad to have another interested auditor. “Ah 1" he continued, “there’s something exceedingly mysterious about the disappear- ance of that young lady. Some even go so far as to hint foul-play. I, for one, don’t quite believe that. But certain it is, you wouldn’t catch one of the village people crossing the park after dark.” “-Indeed ! Why not?" “ Why, s1r, you see I don’t take any heed of such superstitious nonsense myself ; but it is whispered among the poorer folk that a White face is sometimes seen at the windows at unearthly hours, and that fearful shrieks have occasionally been heard at midnight. You know whutacountry village is, and how easily a place obtains the repute of being aunted. Once upon a. time, some of our fel ws would steal up there after dark to catch a rabbit or two, for there is a warren on the far side of the house ; but I’d venture a. five-pound note that not one of them would be hardy enough to try now for all the rabbits in the county. There are reports, too, that old “Yintoek, or he and his son together, have outrun the constable.” “ Oh ! ls it true, think you?” “I believe it to be so. They do say that the life Mr. George and his father led has involved both very deeply in liabilities which neither can meet. Drinking, horse- racing, gambling, and, if people are to be credited, swindling, are to be numbered among their accomplishments. The last dodge was a. clever, though a rascally one.” “ Hum ! What might that be 1’” ,“ ‘Vell, it seems that old Wintock had run matters so close that he was daily threatened by one of his tradespeople with an execution. As he owed largely, he be: thought himself that if this was once suffer- ed to take effect, the rest of his creditors Would be after him immediately. To save matters, he goes toa. Mr. VVarley oi \Varley Hall, in Downshire, of whom he had some knowledge, represents that he is staying in his neighborhool for a short time, and that, in consequences of expenses which young \Vintoek has incurred at college, he has oc- casion for a few hundreds ; and so induced the old gentleman to advance him the money on a bill of three months at good interest. When the time expired, the bill was dis4 honoredâ€"not a rap to meet it, at least at the banker’s.” ‘ Hitherto, 1 had taken but little interest in the; com ersation , for I was busilye ployed in ruminating upon my plans for the morrow. Though they had spoken of the Hall, it: had not fixed my attention But when the name of \Vintock was mentioned, it roused me at once, and I immediately asked : “ Are you speaking: of Mr. \Vintock â€"up the way ?” pointing with my thumb in the direction of his mansion. ” He keeps none that are allowed to enter the house, except a, big bully of an Italian fellow, whom he brought from abroadâ€"«for he was formerly a resident of Italy, and had only returned to England a year or two be- fore his brother’s deceaseâ€"and a. cross- grained old woman, who is as impenetrable as adamant, for no one can ever get any thing out of her. Neither the gardener, nor the old man who jobs about the premises and looks after the horses, is allowed to in- trude. A great part oi the house is shut up as closely as if the whole were uninhabit- ed. However, it is supposed to be full of real good furniture, for old Mr. ‘Vintock lived in great style, and none has ever been known to be disposed of.” “That’s a question neither I nor an~ no else in Briteleigh can satisfactorily answer. All we know is, that she was at 'the Hall. The Squire gave out about a twelvemonth after her father’s death, that she had gone to Paris~to complete her education ; but; no one ever saw her go. or has ever seen her since. There are never any letters in a female hand received at the Hall, either from France or elsewhereâ€"at least so asserts Simmons the grocer, who keeps the post- ofiice.” “But the servantsâ€"do they never rpeak of 1303:? _ Surely they must kgowfl came into‘the village then, neighbour. You know I only left north last Christmas twelvemonth.»But where is the young lady now 3. Theu young antock was not at col- spare place by the seat. Now, I have a. fancy just to ride up close to the Hall, so as to get a peep at it unperceived, and which I can easily do through this small hole in the side of the cart. I have heard a. great deal of talk about the old place during the short time I have been in this part of the country, “ Dame. ‘” I said suddenly‘ good turn a. little while back ; y0p_to (lo one for me in return. ” “ Oh, that’s easily done. I untic the cloth behind; and Martha-â€"that’s the old woman at the Hallâ€"0r else the Italian scr- vant, helps me in with 7em.” And so.we jogged 011, chatting, round the exterior of the park, until within a few dozen yardfi of it.§_gatqs: The dame willingly assented; and I mounted the cart beside her. It was pretty closely packed with sundry parcels, besides the baskets in question, and well secured behind with a cover-let, tied down to the hinder part; of the cart. The blind psny started at a. shambling trot. Mrs. Stokes and I got into conversation. “ How do you contrive to gr-t those meat baskets out; of the cart and into the house. "” “ \Vell‘, dame,” I said, “I am only out for a stroll. Perhaps those scumps may be lurking about somewhere, to give you an- other turn as soon as I am fairly out of sight. Suppose I ride a little way with you for protection. \Vhat say you 2'” _ “ Why, yes, I do, and I don’t, now. I go every fortnight for the linen. The famil don’c wash at home; they send it all to Mrs. Biggs at the village. Them clothes-baskets you see there,” she added, nodding to them, “ are for the ‘Vintocks ; I‘m goin’ to leave ’em as I go along.” The'dame was profuse in her thanks for my timely assistance, and earnest in her way to make me some recompense. The poor old creature had been terribly alarmed, and shook like an aspen. In assisting: her to re- pack her things, and in trying to reassure her, I very naturally inquired where she was going. “ Deed, an’ I be goin’ on to the Hall.” The mention of the Hall arrested my attention, and anidea, immediately occurred to me. This time, however, I determined to experimentalise, without taking my ally into my confidence. “ Gding to the Hall, mother, are you ?” I said carelessly. “ Ah ! I suppose you take pm‘cels‘there vefy often, 70f? course ?” One afternoon, disgusted with my ill suc- cess, I had taken a. vralk round the park, and had nearly reached the side remotest from the Hall, when I was startled by hear- ing sounds of altercation and loud screams for help. I did not hesitate anlnstant ; but in two minutes had scaled the park palings and leaped into the lonely by-road which bounded them on that side. It was well that I did so; for I was just in time to render eflicient aid to an elderly female Vainly attempting to hold her own against two villainous-looking tramps. The old flame was a carrier from Briteleigh to a neighbor- ing town, whither she went three times a week with her cart and blind pony, to fetch and carry for the villagers, packages and parcels of all descriptions, from a lady’s dress to half a pound of tea. The rascals attempted to help themselves to some of the numerous provisions in the vehicle; and being resisted by her,.were just on the point of using violence when I rushed unpereeived to the rescue, and caused the fellows to beat a hasty retreat. Thus matters remained for some time, until I began to think I should fare no better than my predecessor, and to grow dispirit- ed; when a lucky accident turned up, which aided me not. a little. I saw my scheme was fustrated, and that there was no help for it. Nevertheless, I hung about the premises for some time, but to no purpose. I went away for a. while, and returned again as stealthly as I could. I watched the house for days. and from every available corner that I could use as .a hidingplace. The inmates were too much upon their guard. It appeared there was a. pump in the seullery as well as in the yard, and plenty of coal in the cellars. The place seemed victualled for a. siege. Not a. soul ever passed or repassed the door, at least with my cognisance. What orders were issued, were given to Hodge from an upper window, inaccessible by me. At last 1 de- termined to give up watching, and try if I could not accomplish my purpose in some other way. I withdrew, foiled, but not de- feated. The ga'fidener gave me a peculiar look. and burst into a loud haw-haw ! as he turn- ed away. “No use, measter ! T’othex‘ chap tried that little game.” “Not so fast, my man. You must earn it first. It must be inside. You are not such a flat but that you guess my business here. Let me only put one foot within the doorway, and it is yours.” He scratched his head, grinned: and look- ed Wistfully at the coin. “ 0i dares to say I couldâ€"out of doors ;” and he stretched out his hand for it. “The‘eldtr Mr. W'intock. I want to see him on particulm business ” “ Do ’ee 2” “Here; come this way a minute,” I whiapered, at the same time holding up a sovereign between my finger and thumb and stepping under cover of the caves of an out- house. “ Now, don’t vou think you can get me speech with Mr. \Vintock this morn- ing for this little bit of yellow stuff? You don’t; pick up sovereigns every ,day, I dare~ any.” I had hastily determimd to secure the fellow as an ally if possible, and felt that a brllze was fl?” (3qu zpeaqs ofrdoinrg so._ _ The man grinned. “Can’t ’xactly my. Dunno. Which on ’em ‘2” to be ignorant of my arrival, my plan had been to cower quietly by the door until opened for egresa, which I had calculate-(l would be early in the morning, by one of the (tantesticsâ€"either for water, as there was a pump in the yard, or for some other purposemand then slip in with a dash. Once in, I did not despair of holding my' ground, for I had on me a couple of very pretty “pcrsuaders,” in case of attempted violenceâ€"-a pair of pocket pistols. , “ There !”‘I said fiuictlyl; “ stop that con- founded noise. You know better chanthat. ls Mr. VVintock in f” I did you a. now I want; “Why, I don’t see what they want to come back wiping the fresh air off of their mOuths for. Cincinnati fresh air must be very thick and heavy.” She was left in ignorance.â€"lee Drum- mer. ’ “\Vhat makes the men go out bebwezn acts?” asked a pretty country girl at the theatre. : “Uh, yes,’ said the beautiful woman, “Ido remember that. Oh, you needn’t apologize ; that was nothing to whatIcatch every day; positively nothing. Here’s my corner ; good-day.” “ I‘m sorry,’ said Jim Baggs earnestly, “but on one of them frequent occasions I was the depraved monster at the off end of the wire. I tackled the helloeination you have charge of one day in the stationer’s, an’ I made a modest request to be switched into Johnson’s restaurant. The restaurant set up a helloAing, an’ I requested ’em to do up abeefsteak thick an? rare with Loynuise pertaties, coffee, (milk separate) and Injin cakes. The reply came, ‘I am the pastor of the Baptis’ Church, and there mus’ be some mistake.’ I got the eatiu’ house a hel- loing once more, an’ I started in again on my little bill of fare. I had got far enough to describe the shade of brown I'd like to put on both sides of the pancake: when my astonished ear caught the remark, ‘ Central, shut 03‘ that case of famine. will yer, an’ let me hear from my friend Biles?’ The peo- ple in the stationer’s set up alaugh at me as I began a third time with the outlines of the supperI wished to have ready when I should at down to the restaurant. I got to where t e milk came separate from the cot- fee, when I was advised that I had left that much of the order in a law oliize. “7e11, Miss, I landed that bill of fare first in one corner of the town an’ ihenâ€"an’ thenâ€"an’ finally you or somebody else said wouldn't I ‘please settle on who and what I wanted, and not be interrupting the whole business of the city.’ Then for a moment, Miss, my reason fled, and if you’ll remember I asked you if you wouldn’t kindly tell the eating house to plug up their machine, and I'd drop around an’ tell ’em when I wanted, and ended, as you remember, Miss, by asking you it you wouldn’t oblige me by going to Florida with your Central office and be hanged to you, or words to that effect.” ’ “Look here,” said he presently; “I didn’t know that they had girls in that office.” “ But they doâ€"inall the offices.” Officer Jim Bagg’s cdnfusion visibly in- creased. “Did you chance to be in that office,” he asked, “the other day when a burst of profound swearing mingled with the wail of a strong man’s anguish floated over the Wires ?” “Well, now,” said the lovely girl, “ it: happens so frequently; really you must be more particlllm‘. ‘ I:e_rhzlps I was there.” “-Oh, do you?” Officer Baggs asked, and then fell in a deep reverie. He soon took to biting his lips and crimson spread over his face. At the same time he looked askance at the pretty girl. “\Vhy my names Miss Central; you know me? IhaVe charge of the telepppuq office.’ ’ “ Are you goin’ along this way? \Vhat’s yeurname, anyhow ?” Officer Baggs asked suddenly. “ Thank ’ee, mother. I knew you’d oblige me. If ever I have the chance, I’ll repay you with interest; but I shall insist upon your accepting this at least,” at the same time slipping a crown into her palm. " Now, don’t speak to me, or take anymore notice of me than if I was a. young’ sucking- pig for the Squire's table.” Sosaying, I crouched down in the coveted corner. and disposed a few of the parcels so as to effectu- ally screen me from observation. In a few seconds more we had entered the park Jog, jog, up the long avenue, through the wicket gate, and up to the back-door. The dame alighted, rang the bell, and commenc~ ed unfastening the coverlet behind. An upper window was opened. “ Oh, it’s only Mrs. Stokes with the linen,” said a. female voice. “Wait t111 I chain up the dog ;” and the window was immediately closed again. I began to feel nervous for the success of my plan. Soon the door was opened; and with a, passing observation, the female ser- vant of Mr. Wintock commenced assisting Mrs. Stokes with the first and largest basket of linen. I waited till I saw them enter the house and turn up a long passage; then, hastily alighting from the cart, I slipped in softly after them. The old lady looked at me hard in the face, and then at the coin. “ I unflerstand,” she said ; “ a friend of the Iamily~wants to see without being seen, before making your- self known. Just come from abroad, per- haps, eh? No! young man; put up your money. One good turn deserves another. It shall never be said that old Sally Stokes was too greedy to return a. favor without being paid for it, so you may just do as you please.” “ Ah; now i let me (1,0 as I sasi, and here’s a sovereign for you : that will clear the debt and leayq yet} a_1it§lo )oalance besides.” “Humph‘. V\ 18.1 I could say they did. Owe me a. mattel of a. dozen shillings. Always behind }rox1lise to pay. (16L a little by dribs and d1abs. It’ 3 hard lines, though, for an old bcvly like me. ” “ Burglar," said I, finishing the sentence for her. “ Now, that's very complimentary indeed, after the assistance I gave yw just; now. I never heard of a. thiel interfering to prevent a. robbery.” I spoke as if offend- ed, and could see the po r old creature’s feelings were hurt. “ Dame ‘. I suppose Zhey pay you pretty regplgrly up there ‘3” “ Na, ha. I I didn’t mean that. But it seems such an odd thinglike.” ' “Mercy me! man I” ejaculated the old lady, with a. pull at the reins which bmught the blind pony to a sudden stand, almost flinging him upon his haunches, “ what can you want such a thing as that for? I hope )ou mean no harm. Surely your face is too honest for a â€"â€" ” and feel a little curious; but, for a certain mason of my own, I don’t wish to be seen by the inmates.’ “ Oh, they wapt fresh air, that is all. ” “ But 1 can’t understand it.” “ Undorstafid what ‘2" “Why, I don’t see what they want to co «654 08> N Pâ€" Didn't Understand. (T0 In; CONTIN FED.) One 0! Many. 940>00 d on‘t main Hume the historian, has left on record his opinion that the disposition to look on the bright sides of things and to mark the best of everything that is good is equivalent to a large fortune to its happy possessor. Let us accept (IiiTei'ent forms of religion among;r men; as we accept different; :33; guages wherein there is still one human ma.- ture expressed. Every genius has most power in his own language, and every heart in its own religion. Queen Elimbeth’s method of keeping up an ~ eflisient civil service __was by ordering the Chancellors of Oxford and Cambridge “ to bringher a just, true, impartial list of all the eminent and promising,r students ; to set down punctually their names, their col- lege, their stttmliugs, the faculties wherein they did excel or were likely to. Therein her Majesty was exactly obeyed, and the use she made of it was that if she had an embassador to send abroad then she would nominate such a man ofsueh a college to be his chaplainfind anotherto be his secretary \Vhen she had any places to dispose of, fit for persons of an academic education, she would herself consign such persons as she judged up to the business.” Sir \Villiam Boswell had papers in which these names were listed and marked in the Queen’s own hand. At the dissolution of the monasteries \Vcstminster Abbey was valued at £3,997 a year. It was made a. deanery in 1539 and a bishopric in 1540. Elizabeth displased the abbot, who had been restored by Mary, and made the abbey a. collegiate church of a dean, and twelve prebendaries, which in still remains. Epaminondas was killed at Matinea, 362 13.6., in a battle between the 'J‘hebans and the combined forces of Lucedmmon, Achaia, Elis, Athens, and Arcadia. The wars of the roses lasted from 1455 to 1485, and in them perished twelve princes of the blood, 200 nobles, and 100,000 gen- try and common soldiers ; closing at the marriage of Elizabeth, the daughter of Ed- ward IV., with Henry VII. The 'oldest system of shorthand extant was written about 1412, but the airb is said to have been practised by the Greeks, and by Ennius the Latin poet. The invention of tapestry hangings be- longs to the Netherlands. The Saracens were the first to weave the cloth in the well~ known peculiar manner. Thc Samaritan temple on Mount Gerizim was built in 332 13.0,. by Sanballat, and destroyed by John Hycranus, 130 BC. In 1707 it took in winter two days, and in summer one (by to travel from Lou- “WM“ “uux JJULI don hto ()xfoxd, a distance of fifty-1 -five miles \Villiam III. brought tan into Eughnd in 1689 for the purpose of raising orange trees. Jam. 1 was made the beginning of theNeflv Year in France in 1564; in Scorland in 1599; and not in England until 1752. Nearly 3,000 persons perished by the Ma- nila earthquake in 1645. A Kentucky rural editor, whose paper is published on Wednesdays, makes the re- quest in a recent issue : “ Parties who con- template getting hurt, getting out of jail, killing somebody, lunning off with some- body’s wife, or getting kicked by a mule, will please do so on Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays, as that will give us time to write it up in the fullest; details while it is fresh and savory.” It gives a New York man an awful start to suddenly observe a clipping from a Chinese newspaper which has been left; lying on his table by some mischievous friend. His first thought, of course, is that it is a wash bill. An ingenious music compositor who had a piece of his music knocked into pi, squared it up, .took ofl'a few impressions, cut. them into strips, and collected $17.42 from neighâ€" bors who accepted them as the regular week- ly Chinese wash bill. A \Villiamsport man went to bed the other night with eyesight as good as any man. When he awoke he could not see the least thing in the World. Come to think of it, however, it would take a microscope to do that. An exchange heads an articl; of crime as follows : “A successful burglar and his sub- sequent capture 1” “’e suppose that is the- reason that there are so many unsuccessful burglars in this country when they are not captured. “\Vill you have some begr ?” slid the host to his visxtoz‘. “ Yes,” said the \ isitor, “ 1 believe 1’11 bear a. little." It is reported that he was carried out; on a bier when thu host got through with him. The man who never saw a railroad train died again recently in Wakefield, N. M , aged 100 years. Ignorance of railway travelling appears to b: conducwo tolong- evxty. Always give the has of a case pfain and straight to your lawyer. He can mix them up for you when they come before the jury. A scientific journal has discovered tliit leather is a great ferti Izer. FOi~ raising welts, it is almost as good as a. knotted rope. A travelling printer, for want of employ ment at his trade, wen: to work on a furm. He came one day to ask his en1p10yer if a hen should be set solid. If ever a blind nian feels happy over his aiiiiction it is when a. sight; draft. is present- ed to him for payment. “ Such is mules,” excla'med . man when he heard the death of by 0110 cf those quadrupeds. An 0111 printer who (flayed his first. game ofnine~pins and knocked them all down,~ said, “ l’l’d, by jmgo.” After missing your bxrd chin] the am munitlon to Le poor and charoe the gun with it. When she admitted feeding the boarder fourteen times per week 011 outlets, she re vealed too much. The dynamite fiend is the man Who goes on a. “bust." The Egyptian‘s little oil pun : \Vhen was Uairo~seen in darkness ? G ARNERED WITTICXSMS. HISTORICAL ITEMS. 901‘vaoo1 an original 'u neighbor 'uOI S