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bill ? The hairdresser’a widow is a. relict of bar- beriam. A small soul has plenty of elbow room in a narrow minded man. Patience comes in where there is nothing else to fill up. - i‘he irfi;nortal saying. “There’s always room at mi; top,” was invented by a hotel clerk. What is ithe sad end? No, 1; is not death. It is the tambourine-player's chair in a min- strel show. “"hen Longfellow’s Alpine maiden said to young Mr. Excelsior, “ Stop, oh, stay," did she think he wanna dude and ought to wear a corset! In the bright lexicon of modern times there is no such word as ” burated.” A Roekland woman calls her husband “ a. glacier,” because he moves to mortally slow. It sounds somewhat paradoxical to say that cremation is “ gaining ground." The report that the army worms wear hel- met hats seems to be unfounded. Man proposes and the other manâ€"her papaâ€"disposes of him in short order. The death of Capt. John Ace is announced. It seems that death came along and “ cop- pered the Ace." Philadelphia. is a great manufacturing city, but the girls would be better suited if it was a great city for man. A poetess asks : “ Where is my sailor love to-night." If he is ashore, the probabilities are that he is “ half seas over.” A mule with five legs has been born in Alabama. “'3 shall look for a large falling off m the population of that State within the next six or eight years. A member of the Shaker fraternityâ€"A man with an attack of the ague. 7 One of the hardest things to accomplish is to wake): a. man in a. railroad car who is oc- cupying two seats. Ladies’ hats may be cheaper this spring than last: season, but we notice that they come higher than ever. “ Half a loaf is better than none," as the fellow said who was kicked out of a bar- room at noon, where he usually put in the day. An exchange says that the famous monkey of the Jardin dea Plants: has “joined the great majority of monkeys." Become a “dude,” we presume. J obbins didn’t mean it for swearing when he found, one night, that his barn-door had disappeared, and remarked that it was "a. door- gone shame.” One of the drawbacks to the pleasure of angling is that if you bring home a string of which you are proud, some envious son of VValtoa is liable to insinuate that you caught post mortem trout. If the young man who left the poem: want to be at rest," upon our deak will ‘ in, we will see that he is accommodated. This is the season of the year when the young man with the twenty-five cent clack- ed stockings and low-cut shoes sits cross- legged until the whole lower half of his anatomy goes sound asleep. Henry Dore, of Rochester, was kicked by a horse Sunday and received a. broken leg. Now let somebody sing “ Never take the horse-shoe from the Dore ” to him. A Pennsylvania man left his wife because she alwaya made him enter the house by the back door. \Ve naturally infer that the cook was not particularly good looking. One of the results of the panic is the fact, cabled from London, that several wealthy Americans abroad will be obliged to return home immediately. And another that several at home will want to go abroad. The solidification of whisky in a. new in- vention. 1f the spirit is taken in the form of cakes hereafter, the term “ liquid damna- tion ” will no longer apply ; but the phrase “ solid comfort " will, in the minds ot some people, have received a fresh aigaificanoe. A remarkable accident happened in New York recently. A safe weighing two ions and a half was being hoisted to the fourth floor of a building on Broadway. and had reached the desired height when a workman at the window through which it was to pass, and who had been guiding the ponderous mass suddenly gave a piercing and agonizing shriek that startled the crowd who were watching the operation, A glance at the writhing form of the workman, who groaned and screamed with pain. showed what had happened. He had taken hold of the pulley to swing the safe, and his fingers had caught in the rope and drawn into the sheaves of the block. His fellow workmen knew that to turn the Winch either to hoist or lower the safe, might wsult in crushing the poor fellow’s hand to a pulp. There was only one thing to doâ€"the ropes must be out and the safe allowed to drop to the sidewalk. As quickly as possible the sidewalks and the roadway were cleared of pedestrians and vehicles. Two stout fellows lay out upon the sill and held the body of their sufl'ering comrade so that he would not be carried down with the safe. Then the ropes were quickly severed close to the block. The man’s hand was released, and he was drawn, half fainting, int) the room and car- ried to a. surgeon’s. The big safe crashed through the sidewalk, smashed a heavy flag- stone into powder, and buried itself in the earthy floor of a vault under the street. The sis was not materially injured, and the workman‘s wounds are not dangerous. MW Cennonading the sky was formerly regard- ed in France as an effective means of allay. ing storms, not; of raising them. Arago, the astronomer, traced the origin of this prac- tice to a retired naval officer. who, having seer water-spouts destroyed at sea. by the fir’ g of cannon, tried in 1760 to subdue by similar means the storms of rain and hall which prevailed in the department to which he had retired. Arago also found that the firing of cannons in order to allay storms had been preceded in France by the custom of ringing the bells vigcrously on such oc- An Ancient Method of Allaying Storms. Mulbum in parvoâ€"A woman‘s tongue. The 10 =1: reign in historyâ€"'The deluge. Appoin honorâ€"Civil Service Reform. Many a. broker is a. poor finance seen} A burning questionâ€"How much is the gas A Remarkable Incident. PHUNETIC NOTES. ooll It in expedient for those “clothed with a brief auuthority" to be oueful and courteous in its exercise. Some persona invested with gower think that ignorance is smartnesa. uch persons, sooner or later, learn their error. One evening in the Summer of 1742. a gentleman debnrked from a barge at Paris, whither he. with alarge quantity of baggage had been brought from Fontainebleau. He engaged a. drnyman to convey his baggage to a certain place, and then left the quay on foot. The drnyman omitted taking one arti- cle â€"s. large box, whoue shape attrncted the attention of a custom-house officer. Think- ing its contents might be contraband, he ordered it to be opened. To his astonish- ment he found therein the body of a Woman wrapped from head to foot in linen ban- dages, whose discolored countenance indi- cated that she had died from violence. “We’ve got you? haven‘t we ?" asked that oflicer, tauntingly, as the gentleman was brought in. “Perhaps you thought to es- cape, but I assure you that neither my offi- cers nor myself can be found napping where justice _dema.nds that we be alert.” ,1: “,2, The officer at once summoned a commie- aa‘x‘y of the police and a surgeon. Barely looking at the "remains," they also decided that a murder had been committed. A re port to this efl'ect being made at the police oflice, the body was removed to the On the following morning, as the gentle- man returned to the boat for his missing box, he was rudely seized and hurried be- fore i119 police magistrate. morgu e [77“1 shoula Vlike to know what all this Image.” said the geqt}eman. “Your pretence? of ignorance will not save you from the punishment due for your crime." "My crime 1’” “Yes,â€"the murder you committed, or to whic13_you were an accessory.” ~11- "â€"7" 344111-36} I V mfik'ea you think I have been concerned in such a crime I" “Did you not bring with you to this city a ho} containing the corpse of a woman I" “Vth placed the body in the b(x 2" "I did. “How old was she ?” “Not far from twenty-five I think," smil- ing. "In Egypt.” “Make a. note of these answers,” said the magistrate to the clerk. Then turning to the gentleman he asked, “When did her death occur 2" “About 3,000 years ago." “No levity,” remarked “his honor." sternly. "There is no levity in my statement. I must say you are the most stupid judge I ever saw. Had not you and your oflicexe been the veriest; ignoramuses, you would have known the ‘body' is a mummy," con- temptnously. magistrate. “Yes; from Cairo. whence I have just returned.” “And who are you 1 ‘ "Count Dumont" President of the Royal Society of Antiquitioa and member of the Academy of Ifmoriptione.” n “My lord, I imp-lore your forgiveness for the annoyance I have caused you," said the judge in the moat abject humiliation.â€" Youth’s Compam'an. Paris has a Mme. Ledouble who makes a. handsome living a a dog’s dressmaker. Kerosene oil is solidified in Russia and made into candles. :Tbe telegram overtakes twenty-nine crimi- nals to one secured by a detective. A paper chimney fifty feet high has lately been put: up at Brealau. Compressed paper pulp is stated to be one of the least inflam- mable of substances, and to make an excel- lent material for fire-proof doors. The general Government owes New Jersey 73 cents, an excess paid on the state by the direct tax of 1861. The United States tren- surer’s book shows thisâ€"and with interest added the amount would be $1.70.6â€"bnt there is no way of paying it Without Ln act of Congress. Jacques Dupin, the most famous model for old men in Paris, has posed for artists for more than half a. century, and beginning in amall boyhood as Cupid has grown gray in service, and now stands rfor such old patri- archa as Job and St. Anthony. A man was received into the Laborisiere Hospital, Paris, the other day with a yard of rope hanging from his mouth. Traction upon the cord revealed a section of clothes line measuring eight feet. :He had been sur- prised in an attempt at suicide and had tried to conceal his design by swallowing the cord. He lives. Card telegrams are much in use in Paris. There are two kinds of themâ€"one like the ordinary postal card in form and color, and the other blue and capable of being so closed as to conceal the writing. They are each large enough to contain a. message of fully 60 words. When a card is dropped into the card telegram box of the nearest telegraph office the official in charge picks it up and has it transmitted through one of the pneu- matic tubes which extend all over the city, thus insuring its delivery at the place to which it is addressed in less than half an hour from the time it was “ posted." There are lots of people half sick at the_ St hch well and h r ey 01 Bitters oocuiufially. It All Druggisba 50 cents A singular freak of nature has just been made known a short distance from Alliance, Ohio. The parents of the child which has been stamped by Dame Nature as one of her whimsicalities are dininclined to publicity, but the story has got abrond and the neigh- bors are flocking to see the wonder. A child has been bornwhose right hand is entirely transparent, differing entirely from the left hand, about which there is nothing ahnor- mql. Through the pellucid akin is seen the veins and muscles,‘which seem in combina- tion to'form the w3rd “ star.” The parents do not know how to account for it, but the old wives of the place have learned theories of the cause Ior the congenital peculiarity. hIedicul men are taking great interest‘in the transparency. But those who have seen theiufant declare the appearance of a Word depende 'vzry largely upon the imagination. ' 1‘Where was her home 7” An Insolent, Blunder'mg Judge. mumifiy!” repeated the dumbfounded CURIOUS FACTS. lyw 3 around grumbling; and the time; who might. bu, xed Dr. Carson’s Stomach splendid Blood Purifier “Hurry upâ€"quiek 1" “Now, my boy, you went to stop dead still l They call this a felt age, and we are turmed a fast nation, but in spite of that we have plenty of time. Take time to eat. Take time to dress. Take time to do what- ever taak you are engaged in to your com- plete satisfaction. always feel like kicking a. lazy man, and if I set out on a journey I can't go fast enough. but this impatience has lost me days of time and a good many dollars. If I want to make a shelf or bench I rush for the flat handy board, saw it ofl‘ hap-hazzard, pound in any sort of mile in any sort of way, and when the shelf is complete I have a shelf which won't fit by a jug-full, or a. bench which rests on three legs and holds up the other one as if it had a sore foot. I have taken the wrong street car, logged off other men’s hats, left my change on stoxe counters, bought sugar when I WAS toldto buy butter, spoiled any number of boots, ofl‘ended dozens of good men, and all because I wanted to save time. “Don’t rush. The older I grow the lessI believe in the man who leewes a cloud of dust behind him. He will be wrong half the time. He will botch his work. upaet the best calculations,. and lose a dollar for every seventy~five cents he makes. A petu- lant, impatient boy makes a. man who can't keep a friend. He will be obstinate, un- reasonable. unforgiving and thoroughly de- spised. Don‘t argue that it is born in you and you can't help it. A boy can help any thing if he has any sand in his nature. He can exercise pztience or give way to fits of anger which ought to be boot-jacked out of his nature to save h‘m fromithe gallows. But you hate to be bossed, eh? Well, my boy, if we could all do as we pleased this world would be a fine country to live 11). Our workingmen Would get to their labor at 10 o’clock in the morning and quit in time for 5 o’clock supper. Our storeg might open in the morning or wait until alternoon. Our mills and factories would be run to suit the convenience of teamsters and engineers instead of owners. Our trains and boats would have to suit captains and conductors, and some days you would get one meal and other days three. We must have bosses and stand bossing. Don’t start out with the idea. that you can be independent. Don't think that you can sit with your folded arms and bring men to you with fat ofl‘ers. Don’t imagine that you are doing anybody a great favor by calling upon them and hinting around that you could be coaxed to take 9. situation. Do as your employer directs. If he doesn't know his business that’s none of your affairs. Make up your mind that the boy who sets out to earn only three dollars per week will never get four; If he is de- termined to be worth four he will soon be receiving five. I sat gown with a half dozen of you the other day, and the opinion of the majority was that employers didn't make any dis- tinction betWeen a smart energetic boy and adrone. Don’t be foolish, my lad. Nine employers out of ten had much rather ad- vance a boy than to discharge him. A boy may not be watched as closely as a man. because we make allowances for his inex- perience and follies and trifling nature, but don’t you forget that he is soon sized up. If he is respectful and truthful and honest the employer who doesn't realize it and re- ward him is no man to work for. Likely Soon to Again Brighten the Cir- onnr-Polar Sky. The theory concerning the “Star of Be- thlehem” is based on a. poetical foundation, having ltttle to support it. In the year 1572 Tycho Brahe, a Dutch astronomer, dicover- ed a newetar near Caph, in the constellation Cassiopen. It increased in brilliancy until it was as bright as Venus. and could be easily seen at noonday. It continued to shine brightly for a. month, then gradually grew dim and, in sixteen months disappear- ed from View. It was looked upon as a. new creation or a sun on fire, and the general opinion Was that it would never again shine in the star depths. Forty years later the telescope was in- vented. When it was turned to the posi- tion in the heavens occupied by the blazing star, a minute star was found near the iden- tical spot. This telescopic star is still there and is doubtless the same one that blazed forth in 1572. The discovery that it existed led astronomers to search astronomical re- cords, and it was found that similar bright stars had appeared in the same region of the sky in 935 and 1264. Continuing back three periods from 945 we are brought to the near vicinity of the birth of Christ. About twenty-four of these temporary stars have appeared in the last 2000 years, subject, like the starin Cassiopea, to sudden outbursts, followed by a return to their normal insignificance. They are now classed as variable stars, subj act to sudden outbursts due to eruptions of blazing hydrogen, and which are followed by long periods of quies- cence. The star was due in 1883. If it appears at all it will surely blaze forth by 1885. There is a possibility. therefore, that the long lost Star of Bethlehem, the Pilgrim Star, the Star of 157:2, or Tycho Brahe's Starâ€"for it is known by all of these names -â€"will once more become a. shining wonder in the sky. Au Execration, lying in the shade reading a newapaper, was apprmched by a. Eulogy. “Anything new. Execration?” “Yes; I’ve lost a job.” “How's that? Panic knock you out ?" “ No ; but you knaw Mr. Prominent Man I" “Wbat,that generous gentleman, so kind, yet :9 firm, sorprqudnyet so humble, so pro- found yet so sifnple .7" "Yes,that old skinflint, so full of tafl'y yet so pig-headed, so vain yet so obaequious, so bombastic yet so puerile ; that's the fellow.” “What of him 7” “ Why he’s dead, and that throws me out of a. job.” . “ I'm sorry for you, Execmtioa, but your loss is my gain; hxs deaah gives me plenty of wank." Not. another Pill shall go down my throat again, said a citizen. “ when I can get such a prompt aqd pleasant. cure for my Buious Attacks, such as Dr. Omou'ststom- nah Bifmera. It. renders the '13le Pure and Cool and xuakgs a Splebdid Spring Medicine. Luge bubtles 50 subs. ' '- ‘r . Eitfier exer'oiée yofi‘ra‘rgfécqgg‘kflsr’atafi'fill exercise your éorruption ; as one bucket de- scends the other rites. THE STAR OF BETHLEHEM. The Execmtion and the Eulogy. Short Talk With the Boys. MON“ M. QUAD. Mutual Marmage Endowment As’n Isa. perfect gem, equal to an imported French Corset; fits like a glove to the figure; very styl- ish, elegant in appearance, and approved of by the most fastidious. Manufactured by THE CROMPTON CORSET CO. â€"HEAD OFFICE. LONDON, OAT. Iasuea Certificates from $125 to 83.000. payable on mu tinge. ac following rates. For 85901701’ half certificate, 84: quarterly dues in ad- 8100‘ F01 82.00. percentage of the Fees applied towards a re- serve fund. The only cash ayments required at the time of making application or a certificate. The re- mainder of the liability is made up of assessments at the rate of 31.60 on each 81.000 upon the marriage of mem- bers, 1 assessments made the first year payable quar- terly, which upon the present large membership secures the payment of a number of Endowments, and a safe and reliable investment (or youn peo le. Send for By- Laws and full particulars. W. IMEAOH. Secretary. London. Ont. Marriage Aid $5, 000 Paid on Martin es. Over $100, 00 Paid in Bene ts to Date. ISSUE IN 1883. 0VEB. $2,000,000 The Newell Patent Univalm‘al Hrindar. Agents Wanted phatea, gold and 'silver foflrea, 'q'fiartz Blister clay.bongs, flshfgcrgps, bark. 8w. Pieaae c: Bi‘év'riiéféi firtiouléré. â€"â€" FOR THE â€" citizens Insurance 60., of Canada. As the Compsny transects Fire. Life. an Accident busmess. a profitable agency is thus offered to those soliciting insurance risks: wgfiecié‘l‘tg‘rEt; f6?fi駧$vi13fi3ire Valuable con nections. Farm property insured as low as by FarmyMutuals. 7 Address, Head once. 119 8!. James Street. Montreal. a’The stock of this Company is held by many of the wealthiest citizens of Montreal. Allan Lina 303191114311 Steamfihips, Sailing during winter from Portland every Thursaay, and Halitax every Saturday to Liverpool, and in summer from Quebec every Saturday toLiverpool. calling at Lon- donderry to land mails and passe era for Scotland and Ireland. Also from Baltimore via alifax and St. John's N, F.. to Liverpool fortnightly durin summer months. The steamers of the Glasgow lines sa‘ during winter be- tween Portland and Glasgow, and Boston and Glasgow alternately; and during summer between uebeo and Glasgow and Boston and Glasgow every wee . For trel ht. assage. or other information a ply to . Sc umacher Ba 00.. Baltimore; :9. unard & Co, Halifax: Shea. 8c 00., St. John's N. F. : Wm. Thomson & Co., St. John. N. B. ; Allan 8t 00.. Chicago: Leve 85 Alden, New York ;H4 Bourlier, Toronto :Allans, Rae Sc 00., Quepeo : H. A. Allan. Portland. Boston. Mon- 568.1. Running In connection with the Grand Trunk Railway of Canada. Sailing from Quebec every Saturda during the summer months. and from Portlan every Thursday (hung the winter months Sailing dates from *Vancouver. May. 81. ‘sarnla. lllay. I7. Toronto. June. 7. Brooklyn. May. 24. ‘ Oregon. June. 14. \ atesot assage:.Cabln,Quebec to leer 001 850, $60, 65, $80. Return $90. $108, $117, 144. according to steamer and berth. Intermediate 840. Steel-age, at lowest rates. The saloons and staterooms in steamers marked thus: 0 are emidships, where but little motion is felt, and no cattle or sheep are carried on the . For further particulars appl to any Grand: funk Railway Agent or loan agents or the Com pany. or to DAVID TOBRANCE a 00.. General Atlanta. Montrea Montreal. may. 10. Dominion Line of Steamships ls nowfullof a.“ the latest designs in Fine Car riages, Road Waggons, Buggws. Sulkeys. and Skneletm; )Vgggons. . , w." n, "A, 6 Adelaide St, East, Toronto. Carriage Repository. “1567136 faiâ€"ll’t; come and see our Village Carts in various styles fitted with our American Canopies. The Greatest Novelty of the Age. Chas. Brown & 00.; We make a. specialitylof American made Car- riages, and thava a. larger stock to select from than auv House in Canada. The only Company in Canada that has fluid a élaim. Premiums small. Address Government Deposit $122.000 Cash Agents Wanted Established 186Lâ€"Clpitaland Assets. 81,426,985. 82.000 Caniflcale‘ 80. 75, $1,000 Certiflcsta $3.000 Certificate. $15: quarterly dues in advanw MERIDEN BRITANNIA (39;, giutgtfilgttrpfiuld m1 fiihgr fights, AmericanZCan'iage IRepository. ' New York, Meriden (Ct.), Chicago, San Francisco, London, (E'ngJ. BRANCH FACTORYâ€"Cor. Cannon and Wellington Streets. Hamilton, Ont. A Many purchasers having through I \ TRADE I ASSOCIATION. UNDOUBTED SECURITY. VTEH» LILY_ 8 you STREET T030N'l‘0. MUTUAL QUEBEC T0_I1!VEPOOL. THE AMERICAN INCORPORATED, $65qunnerly dues In advance, 810; quarterly dues in advance. W. B. WEBBEK BEST IN'THE Many purchasers having througt milaA-ity of nugnea pugohased at are: pnder thegmpresmon that t‘ Secretary, H'nmllzon )MANUFACTUREBS or ( May. 31. June. '1. June. 1-1. Liver 001 $117, ‘ '14}, yrks are el 0 Buff RLD. T1 BAR IRON. Wellington Street. Monlrea]. Wellington Chambers, Glasgow. 23 Paternoster Bow. London. Leather Belting. Fire En no Hose, «in. Four First Prizes and Two iplomas. The highest of all Awards for Leather Belting and. Fire Engine Hose were accorded by the J u es at the St. John Centennial and Dominion x- hibition, to RQBIN & SADLER. Montreal. over all competitors. THE ALBERT TOILET SOAP UU.’Y 1883-St. John Exhibition-1883 TRADE'W PURITY &; EXCELLENCE. Import Orders. Copland &' MCLaren, Washmg made light and easy. The clothes have um pure whiteness which no other mode of washing cansz- duce. No rubbing required. no friction to injure aha tabriq. A 10 year old girl can do the washing as well u tebfic, A 107 ye nn_olde_r pemqn To place it In every household rm: Paw: nae 1aan REDUCED to $2.50, and if not found satisfactory. money refunded. See what the “ Canada Presbyterian," say! about itâ€"The Model Washer and Bleacher which Mr. 0. W. Dennis offers to the public has many and valuable advantages. It is a time and labor saving machine, substantial and enduring, and is very cheap. From trh in the household we can testify to its excellence. Delivered to any express omce in the Provinces of tario and Quebec Charges paid $3.00. Send for circulars. éhmzLLééEEm Eodev’fifiind'ed. $1000.00 8.2214311! FOR [rs _sgn;mqp, BEFORE.) (AFTER. ) E CTROâ€"VOLTAIC BELT and other Emmw APPLIANCES are sent on 30 Days'Tx-ml T0 MEN ONLY YOUNG 0R OLD, who are suffer- from kuavons DEBILXTY Lon VITALfl'Y, Ame memcssm. and all these diseases 023 PERSONAL NATURE. resulting from ABUSE and 07mm CAUSES. Speedy relief and complete restoration to HEALTH V100]: and MANHOOD GUARANTEED. Bend 3‘ once for Illustrated. fimpblet tree. Address _ Weighs but 6 pounds. Can be carried in a small "Alisa Illustration shows Machine jn boiler. Satisfaction C. w. DENNIS, 30 DAYS’ TRIAL 1% Tman‘sT I STANMRD SCALES. THE BEST. THE STRONGEST, THE MOST RELIABLE. 55' Sold by all leading druzgists. Unfivnlled in material. construction and finish. pc- 120‘ in accumcy and unequalled in (inability. Guar- anteed to give entire satisfaction. RAILROAD. WAREHOUSE um um. TRUCKS- to the m fact. that; Vbeingsoc GURNEYS 8C WARE, TORONTO BARGAIN HOUSE, 213 YONG-E "can. Tonono. on. THEY EXCEL ALL OTHERS. SHEET METALS. FIRE CLAY GOODS. CHEMICALS Anions. AGENTS WANTED. Mills’ Alarm Money Drawers: SEND FOB. ILLUSTRAHD man Im- Orders to igmort solicited ARE‘UNSURPASSED FOB â€"MADE BYâ€" llAMlL'l‘oN. ONT 1847 Rogers Bros. A1. The White Glyc- erineâ€"The Shar- onBouquet-Palm Oil Bath Soapâ€" Oatm eal Skin Soap, and T he Baby’s Own Soap Washer AND BLEACH ER! GLOBE 84 000 WalterWoods Sold In 11 Months. MA RK. ll A‘lll'l‘flfl ONT BUY ONLY THE THE MODEL