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x01 MUCH or A BREAKFAST. “ \Vhy, Where is the mackerel I brought home last night?" asked Jenkins at the breakfast table. “ You say you sang forty-seven verses?" “ Yes,” replied the vocalist proudly. “ I should think it would have tired you to death.” “ It probably would have done so, but it was a chorus, and divided among so many of us there was less than one verse apiece.” " By Jove,” said one, “ that's a magnifi» cent looking woman." “ Very imposing. indeed,” said anoth‘r. “ You bet she is," said a. third ; “ I know, for I’ve been her huuband {or ten years.” “ Do you mean the mackerel you brought home early this morning ‘1" inquired his Wife rigidly. on this.” A CRITICISH As IS A CRITICISM. A New York young man who imagines that he is a painter, recently took one of his pro- duction: to an artist and said : Several gentlemen were standing about the 'ioor at a swell reception, when a fine looking lady passed down the hall. â€"“ Erâ€"yes, of course. I was detained at the oifice last night, and I suppose it was morning before I got home. But Where is it ‘1” The real ariiet turned the picture over and examined the back of it carefully, and then said : “ You seem to raise fine crops of hay on this place,” observed a tourist to a. man who was taking up the fragrant stuff. “ Yea,” said the man. “ Do you ship it to the city ?” “ Oh. no,” replied the mower ; “ we use it here in the hotel." “ But you have no horses," observed the tourist ; “ what do you use it for ‘2” “ Yo; put it £0 soak in the Wash basin, and I had to throw it away.” “ You have made one great mistake. You should have bought cheaper canvas.” »<->o¢â€"â€"â€"â€"â€" Deep Sea Fishes. The report upon the fishes collected upon the famous Challenger expedition, shows that all those dredged from great depths (two to three thousands fathoms) possess bones and ligalmnts of great softness, and muscles loosely connected. This is s. provision to allow of the p ‘rmeutirm of their tissues by the water, since otherwise at the great depth where they live the pressure of the water, which shivers solid glass to powder, would crush their bodies. Many of these abyssal fishes are blind; many have phos- phorescent organs, or secrete a phosphores- cent slime ; others have distensible stomach, and wide months, which can ingqu fishes much larger than themselves. “ Green tea," responded the mower, as he reached for the Whetstone. A BANK UMI’IRE. “ Did I ever see the play of ‘ Julius Cwsar ‘1” exclaimed the passenger from St. Louis “ ’Gourae I did. W'e had it down to our town last fall for three nights. Say, it‘s a daisy cutter, ain’t it ‘3 01d Shakspeare made a three-baaer that hit, and no mistake. I could look at a play like that seven nights a week tm’ never get tired. They wore queer units in them days, but wasn't it 8. daisy mob, though ? And the way they got away with that rank umpire, Cu-aar, just did me good.” J. A. (lamp of Atlanta, Ga, says he has cabbage growing in his garden that are eight feet in circumference, and that a cal» hage weighing sixteen pounds is a common thing among his vegetables. A Mareohal Neil rose tree of London, al- though 20 years of age, produced this sea- son more than 3,000 choice blooms. In 1382 more than 2,500 roses are recor'ied from this wonderful tree. First doctorâ€"" 0h, certainly ; but I mean â€"â€"well, I hate to say it, but I suspect he is not a regular practitioner.” Second doctorâ€"“ You horrify me E" First doctor -“ In {2106,} feei cmtain of it.’ Second doctor~“ Upon what do you base your opinion 1’” A stalk of corn, with two ears of corn’ on closed in red shncks, grown from a grain of corn found in an eagle’s nest, is one of the curiosities of Alachua county. mm A REGULAR. First doetorâ€"-” Do you know I am begin- ning to suspect Sluthers ‘3” Second doctorâ€"“ You surprise me. He seems to be quite a a gentleman.” A mushroom in the Underclifl', near Vent- nor, England, measured over 11 inches in diameter. When cooked it was palatable and filled a large breakfast dish. The largest strawberry was a Sharpless raised by Adam S. Knight of Batavia. N. Y. It measured 11 inches in circumference and weighed full 2?; ounces. Extraordinary Vegetables. A tomato vine at Plant City, Fla.., cover- ed a spot seventy-two feet in circumference, and bare all last winter without injury by cold. First doctorâ€"“ Upon facts, air, facts. As his patients recover. ” 1T WA THE AUDIENCE THAT 80} RED. Now I want you to give me a criticism THE SIMPLE SUMMER BOARDER. SHORT AND CRISP. SHE \\‘ Joseph Haines Johnson in 1816 read law in Keene. He removed to Cincinnati, where he became one of the most wealthy and re' spectable wholesale merchants in that city, and sustained a high standing and had an intelligent and well-educated family. His fortune was estimated at $100,000. The air» cumstarces of his death were remarkable, and were thus given in a newspaper. One of the clerks of a large wholesale store was romed from his sleep at midnight by a noise in an upper story. lle immediately proceeded to ascertain the cause. '1 here was an open hatchway from the garret to the cellar, and down this he heard something fall. Supposing that some goods had been thrown down, he awakened a companion, and they watched the premises so that no one went out till morning, when the cellar was examined and the body of a man found quite (lead and much disfigured. He was armed with aknife and pistols and disguised in a wig and false whiskers. Depending from the hatchway in the third and fourth stories was found a cord fastened by a book from which the thief had evidently fallen in the attempt to descend. The body was buried. but the mayor order- ed it to be taken up and publicly exposed, in hopes that someone would recognize it and perhaps lead to the discovery of his a0» complices. It Was at length recognised by a gentleman who stopped to visit it, and afterwards by some of his family who were brought to View the body. The house of the deceased was immediately taken possession of by the police, and was found to have been a perfect receptacle of stolen goods, possess- ed of every convenience for carrying on the trade. A range of stores four stories high had been owned and occupied by him, and were provided with vaults for the purpose of concealment, and with subterranean pas- sages leading to other houses, over which, no doubt he had control. Alpine Accidents. Serious accidents in the Alps appear to he on the increase from year to year. There is every summer a large number of tourists who make light of Alpine ascents that are resll y dangerous, and who pride themselves on dispnnsing with guides, though their as- sistance is in most cases absolutely essential to safety. In the Austrian Alps hundreds of such imprudent travellers may be met at this time of year. Most of them are clerks, Without any training or experience, and hence th< increasing frequency of loss of life in the mountains. Precisely at the spot Where last year Dr. Kosel was dashed over a terrible precipice, two young tourists from Vienna have just met their death. They had no guide, and, slipping over a perpenâ€" dicular rock, fell a. distance of 6,000ft. The accident took place in a wild and pictur- esque gorge in the Alps of Upper Austria. The two companions were observed near a most dangerous spot, and were missed. Searching parties were sent out after them and soon came upon their shattered remains lying at the foot of the precipice near which they were last seen. The stacks of chimneys had been convert- ed into channels for the conveying of goods in and out withoutexposureto the publiceye. Goods were found which had been stolen four years before, and some which could have been taken a short time before his death. Thus perished Joseph Haines John- son. H is death happened ahout Septamber. 1832. The young gentleman who first found him was engaged to one of his daughters. Extraordinary Hallucination. Mnlebrnnche, a celebrated philosopher of the seventeenth century, was for a long time the victim of a singular notion. He fancied that he had an enormous leg of mutton at. tached to the end of his nose. A friend would shake hands with him and inquire, “How is M. Malebrsnche to-duy? ’ “l’retty well, on the whole ; but this horrid leg of mutton is getting quite unbearable by its Weight and its smell.” “\Vhat ! This leg of mutton '5" “Yes. Can’t you see it hanging there in front ‘.’ ’ If the friend burst into a. lsugh, or ventured to deny the existence of the strange phenomenon, Mulebranche would get angry. At length at colleague of his, a man gifted with a sense of the humorous, de- termined to cure him by some means or other. Calling upon him one day, he sll‘mted to pew ceive the cause of his trouble and in- quired about it. The imaginary putient, overcome with gratitude, run to embrace his first believer, who, stepping backward, ut- tered a cry “What! Have I hurt you, my friend l” “Certainly; you have run your leg of mutton into my eye. I really cannot- understnnd why you have not tried to get rid of that awkward appendage long since. If you will allow me with a 1'8 zorâ€"an opera.- tion performed without the slightest dan- ger â€"” “My friend, my friend, you will have saved my life I Oh I Ah ! 0h 1” In the twinkling of an eye the friend had slightly grazed the tip of his nose, and, producing from under his cloak a splendid leg of mut- ton, he flourished it triumphantly in the air. “Ah,” exclaimed Malebranche, “I live, I breathe '3 My nose is free, my head is free! Butâ€"nutâ€"it was a raw one, and this one is cooked !” “Why, of course you have been sitting for an hour close to the fire!” From this time Malebranche ceased to be haunted by his leg of mutton. The Singular Career and Death ofJnscplx flnlnes John K011. THE LAWYER TURNED BERG- LAR. A correspondent in the Pall 'Mall Gazette proposes to f :derslize the fleet. He says that r. glance at the map of the British Empire will show that there we four great groups of colonies Where Englishmen may make a home and rear thiir children without injury to their own health or race deterioration. These four are Australia, Canada, the Cape and New Zeslsnd. In more or less close proxim- ity to these great colonies are minor groups under our flag, where the climate, though in most cases fiirly healthful, is not favorable to the maintenance of English vigor without the constant infusion of fresh bloodâ€"where, in short, statistics show that the settlers, or at least their children, tend to fall below the standardof English energy and vit'lit; . Th 5: minor groups are Papus, Labour: and British Borneo near Austrdis ; the “lest Indies and Belize nesr Canada ; Mauritius and the VV\ st African settlement; near the Cape ; Fiji and British Polynesia, near New Zesland. Cun- ada, the Cape and Australia (including for the time New Zealamd) are at present, naval stations, each under an admiral’s command. Federalizing the fleet means placing in the hands of each of these four colonies the care and command of the squadron that protects it. Take the Dominion as an illustration. We should put the North American and West Indian squadron into a thoroughly fit condition, and then transfer it to the Cuna- disn Government, which wou’d undertake to maintain it in such a state of efficiency as should ensure the proper performance of its duties in time of peace and its active co-op- oration with the mother country in time of war. The Dominion would also have the re» sponsibility of the effectual protection of its coasts, harbors, 103s] sea trsde, and refitting docks, unless the Imperial Government specially undertook any of these duties. “Weeds,” says an agricultural paper, “afilct the yield of any crop.” Not ex- cepting widows’ weeds, which have a very marked effect on the matrimoniad crop. flow ll 11 P. “posed to Federallze the Fleet. The chap who has received the moat bou» quets this spring from the ladies i a fellow who assaulted a. woman with intent- to rob and got a. year in state prison. He was pronounced “ perfec Iy lovely.” The naval jurisdiction of the squadron would embrace, as now, the “lest Indian Islands, which would contribute a portion oi the expenses. The Home Admiralty might continue to enlist the necessary number of men, but the Dominion would pay the wages. Canada. would, within reasonable limits of safety, decide when new ships, guns, &c, were wanted, and the Home Admiralty would sup_ ply whatever w3s required at cost price, un. less Canada should prefer to employ private firms. ' ' ' Canada, thanks to her mag. nificent waterways, fisheries, harbors and timber, has developed a splendid mercantile marine, and she will not fail in the task of protecting it. It is proposed to extend her naval rule to the “West Indies for several reasons. The Islands are seriously thinking of joining the Dominion, they are not rich enough to protect themselves, and they are of great imperial value. If Cuba and Hay1i belonged to Britain it might be possible to arm a. small separate union. But Spain, though Willing to sell, still holds Cuba, and Hsyti remains an independent nuisance to her neighbors. So the \‘i'est Indies must continue as at present under the guardian ship of the North American (thatis the Can adieu) squadron. The docks of Halifax and Bermuda would probably be required and kept up for imperiel use, as also would a harbor in Vancouver, and we might there fore continue to police the Pacific coast of the Dominion for some years. ” \Vhat is your occupation '3” the judge asked the red-nosed man. “ I’m a bartend- er, your honor,” was the reply. “ But the officer swears you re a loafer, and pass the greater part of your time in saloons,” “ Don’t a bartender pass most of his time in saloons ‘r” “ True," mused the judge. “By the way,” he askec , “ which side of the bar do you tend?” “ The outside, your honor.” “Ithought so," said the. judge; “ three months.” ‘ The Earth a Great Magnet. Everything on earth and in the air above is permeated with the earth's magnetic force, â€"â€"it goes through your clothes, it penetrates your bodies, it saturates your brains, it is a part of life itself. Gauss, the illustrious German astronomer, has computed (taking as a unit of his measurement a magnet four- teen inches long, one inch Wide, one-fourth inch thick, weighing one pound, made of the hardest steel and of the strongest mag- netic force possible) the earth's magnetic force as equal to 8,464,000,000,000,000,000,- 000 such magnets. The attracting or lift' ing power of such a magnet is about ten pounds, which would make the attractive power of the earth 42,310,000.000,000,000,- 000 tons. If this magnetism were equally distributed throughout the mass of the earth, the magnetic intensity of each cubic yard would be equal to six of these magnets, or about sixty pounds attractive force. P103. Meyer has shown that this magnetic influ» once, this invisible force, is a power filling space to an unknown distance, and radiating in the lines of magnetic force very much as the rays of sunlight, the lines of the earth’s magnetic force being from South to North, as indicated by the compass needle. AN IMPERIAL NA‘ Y. The Price of Peace and War. Bismarck gets $300 a. day for keep- ing all Europe in a state of fighting suspense about what he is going to do next. General Komamfl" gets 100,000 roubles for killing a few Afghans and standing all India up on end. A good cannon costs $11,000, and a city missionary wears out his life for $600 a year, and you can get a Bible of the Tract Society for nothing. Warned by a Dream. Dr. Glasse a son George, who became a ‘ clergyman, was acquainted at college with a dissolute set of young men, who turned reli- ‘ gion into ridicule, and aimed to extract as mu :h so-called pleasure out of life as pos» sible. On one occasion a member of the group entered the room where the rest were assembled, with an unusually depressed countenance. All railed him upon his grav- ity, and demanded the cause. He explained that on the preceding night he dreamed he was breathing stifling, oppressive air, in a large, gloomy hall which was densely thronged with undergraduates, their gowns wrapped round them, and their countenances indicative of suffering and extreme dejection Inquiring where he was, “This is Hell,” re plied a melancholy yonng man, unfolding his gown and revealing in his breast a trans- parent heart as of crystal, in which hurneda fierce flame. “Good God I” he exclaimed, appalled by the sight, “ cannot I escape from this place?" “You have a. chance for nine days," answered the gloomy figure, folding his arms within his gown and con» cealing his burning heart. They laughed at his disordered fancy, drank deep. and per» suaded him to spend the ensuing nine days with them in especial gaiety. On the ninth day, however, whether from the natural effects of excessive debauch or solemn fulfil- ment of the warning, he suddenly died~an event which produced a strong and salutary effect upon some of his comrades, who began an amended life from that day. A llyi 1g “'oman Sees Our ladyot Perpetual Help, and is restored. Probably the most remarkable and the best known of faith cures in St Louis is the case of Theresa Schsseier, a young woman who had a visitation of the Blessed Virgin, or the Mother of Christ, while at the point of death. This occurred at the Convent of the Sisters of' Mercy, some e'even years ago. Miss Schsefer was 9. German girl, a. very devout Roman Cathol'c, an excellent housekeeper, and an intelligent, sensible girl. She was afflicted with a tumor, and was removed from her home to S:. John‘s Hospital, which is a part of the convent referred to. The affliction baffled the skill of at least twenty physicians, whose services were called on by the Sisters of Mercy, from the Medical College close by. She was given up as dying by a number of physicians after the holding ofa consultition. Two of the consulting physicians Were pos. itive in the belief that she would not live three days at the furthest. The girl had been praying for health all the time to Our Lady of Perpetual Help, asthe Blessed Virgin is sometimes termed, and on the day follow- ing the evening on which the consultation had been held was in a dying state. About 4 o’clock in the sftern oon she showed signs of animation, and, speaking to the Sisters, declared that she saw angels. Little attention was paid to her until be- tween 11 and 12 o'clock at night, when her firm utterances and clear eyes commanded it “ I have had a visitation," she said ; “ the V'rgin and the angels have been with me, and the Virgin told me I should get well if I devoted my life to her.” This statement was repeated several times, when one of the Sisters laughingly asked her how she was go» ing to prove it. “ By getting up and dresâ€" sing,” she replied, and, despite all protesta- tions, the young woman arose, and, donning her clothing, moved with a. light, springy tread about the room. Such a positive proof of a return to health was taken as proof also of the girl’s assertions of the visitation. The Sisters were ina wakeful condition that night and Miss Schaefer, attributing the visitation and the cure to the fact that she had been making a novena to “ Our Lady of Perpetu- al Help," insisted when morning arrived on making a. visit to the Church of the Redemp» torist Fathers on Grand avenue, where the shrine of Our Lady of Perpetual Help stands, and returning thanks for her miraculous re- storation to health. This she did, riding to the church and returning to the convent on foot. The young lady departed immediately from the convent to her fath ar’s house,where she died some six years late r of some such illness as malaria. It seems, however, that she (lid not devote her days to the Mother of God, unless the leading of an exemplary life cmstitutes such devotion. The report of this case attracted a great deal of attention at the time, the doc- tors who had had Miss Schaefer in charge testifying freely to the fact that the case was miraculous. To an artist of some celebrity the young woman described minutely the de» tails of the apparition, and he shortly after- ward p'oduced a painting which now occu pies a place of honor at the Convent of the Sisters, and which has become something of a shrine. The picture represents a young woman lying on a hospital cot, While over her, in a burst of light is the Virgin with fair face and flowing robes. The Virgin's form is encircled by angels of cherubic form and face, and the picture altogether is of the old masters’ order. CURE!) BY FAITH. The older a. violin is the more valuable it becomes. It is different with jokes. Manyâ€"a majority, in factâ€"of these wretched Wanderers are from the country From northI south. east and west they tramp up many miles to the metropolis in hope 0 finding its streets paved with gold, and too often, alas! they find them instead paved with poverty. Their speech is of the country whence they 0 mm, their hands are yet horny with the toil they have left. They have lost work there, “ times being so bad,” and with 8. little money in their pockets, have bent their steps hither. They are unused to Lon- don and London ways. Their little funds are soon exhausted, and they tramp abou the streets weary and heartsiok and full of despair. The embankment is not such a place of re- sort as might have been expectedâ€"st least, not in the winter months. Eight persons have been found passing the night there, but its seats are too exposed to the wind. Neither is Wat rloo bridge much frequented*six only having been discovered sleeping there. Trafalgar Square is more in request ; no less than forty-seven have been found wandering in the dimly lit space fronting the National Gallery and surrounding NeLson's monument. The Green perk side of Piccadilly also fur: nishes its contingent, and sleepers have been found crowding within the railings of the courtyardfrontingBaron Rothschild's house. The contrast between poverty and riches is sharply enough defined then ! These poor creatures are London outcasts ~â€"the veritable Wanderers of the midnight streetsâ€"poor wretches, who, being absolute: ly penniless, are compelled to shiver and shrink through the keen winter night, with no roof above them but the pitiless sky, or to seek a. shelter in any hole or corner they may find. And they have been so ght out andb ought hither by friends com: cted with the London Cungregutiona. Union, who are endeavoring to help them both physically and spiritually. Of all the sad s‘ghts which London streets unhappily present there are few mnre ssd than that (f these homeless wander-ere, In the l ght of day, when the streets are crowd- ed, and the bustleand noise went their heigh’ a they are hardly noticed, the full extent of their misery is not seen ; but when the hour of midnight is passed, and the thoroughfares are deserted, and such silence as restless Lon. don ever knows has descended upon the wil- derness of houses, then their weary, aimless walk, their deplorably sad feces, their piti- ful reg blowing in the nigh: wind, all pre- sent a terribly painful picture, and their aw ful misery is strikingly apparent. “‘1”: the SIN-pert: out on the Streets and Bridges. In the dim shadows of a hali-Wghted hail are gathered together one of the strangest and saddest; assemblies; that even London, the city of htmnge sights, can show. The gas is lowe‘ed to induce the slumber f the poor crea’ures, who have abund med them- selves to almost every conceivable attitude to obtain rest and slet p Some lie otretched full length upon the bare floor, others crouch by their chairs anti rest thei ' heads on the hard wooden seats, some are bent almost double, their faces on their knees ; others again, sit bolt upright, save for their weary heads, which are sunk on their breasts. Men, women, and even little children are Lere, in ever] woeful stage of poverty, rags and dirt. From the \roicelew assembiy rises a. hoarse murmur of moans and groans and ratified cries, as ever and again the distress of life breaks even into the Bleep of some poor wanderer, and he dreams painful dreams. W'e proceed over Bleekfrinrs Bridge. Alas, what a sight is here I Huddled together out of the wind are quite a number of midnight Wanderersâ€"starved, cold and terribly held less they appear. Some have sunk to :hei full length on the hard pavement at the foot Lf the bridge-head, and one we meet further on is a woman, with & piteous-looking baby fave peeping from the folds of her txttered shawl. Others stand against the wall, with hands in pockets and shoulders raised, shel- teri=‘g themselves from the cold blast which sweeps so keenly over the river. The deep- ly recessed seats are crowded with wretched occupants. thronging together to obtain rest- and warmth and slumber. Over sixty poor w..etchts have thus been found on the bridge alone. They are of va- rious trades and occupation, and from all parts of the country ; one has been a Hamp- shire laborer, smother u E‘largate ostler, this man u Camhrflge stonemason, that, woman a. necheworl 3:" from Dcrsetshire. Mantle- makers, domestic servants, governeases, char- womon, bricklayers, law-writers, coop-erg pionoforte makora; 1&1) wars of every dvascrip . tiou are foundamong them. Sam 3 have hwn sleeping out in the street three nights, some five, some one. 0n Landon bridge the same sad sight i,SI presented, and numbers of men and women of all characters and employments, as just described, are to be found crouching into the seats in sen-n; h of rest and shelter. seats in sen-n;le of rest and shelter. For some reason the bridges are favorite resorts of the sleepers~011t. Perhaps the sight of the silent river. with its rows of shining lamps, its shipping, anl its far outlook, is more welcome to the wanderer than the stony streets. In any case here they congregate, and as many as 130 poor wretchea have been found on London bridge alone. LONIHDN IN THE NIGHT.