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Rumour had it that the lattest ad- film“ to the staff of the BoathouAe ‘ [Ln owed an old score, and was Work.- lng it off in the capacity of waiter; Ind the general opinion among the. customers was that he was a bed bar- 1 gain even at that price. He had a very long holy and very short leg»; this physical peculiarity bei lg further much em_h_t:.i.)el by a ‘ coat which had o.ioe been blue. the' lung tails reaching half-way down his l podgy-looki .g calves. Lie woxea frOWSy i {notice-coloured wig and a bleary oul- like expression of wisdom that eviw; de..tty covered the must dense stupid- lty. He carried an ample supply oil a uff in his capacious waistcoat pour kets; and, extracting it sometimes from the right pocket, sometimes irotn i the left. with his thumu and tinger,; souorously inhalea a portion and ' Lu g away the remainder with neon. temptuous Lirt of his ti igers that r seat a tiny cloud floating over the pewters and glasses in a manner that i was peculiarly tlistressful to poor top- ere with a. equeamieh stomach. he invariably met the incoming coaches and poet-chaises, hotdmg forth to the travellers with a very stroiig Welsh accent upon the superior accommoda- tion of the "Baa house," and teltiom left the stranger until he had elictezL a verbal reply. after _wuich he at once turned hi; attention to some one tl.e. He was. the OOJStaDL butt 011 the comâ€" 8fly in the “Boathouie ' taproom; but e appeared qu.te ignorant of the fact notwithstanttng the very personal na- lure of the sallies levelled at him. A loud burst of laughter followed the waiter through the door; and ere it ended the French man and woman entered the room, the former £11m.ng away like clockwork “NJ the comâ€" pauy, many of whom were well known to him. ‘l‘hey were 0.0.;er 10M)ch by Whitehead, who‘ haviqg been re. lieved at the watch house, had come ‘Lo thaw his inner man with‘ a jopum of rum. Th8 solemuity with which Lhe wait- 51‘ received the remark caused much hilarity; and as he reachei 'lhe door 3 “LI: baudy-leggel oatlar tuuch d his shoulder. remark-Ag in a benous u_dertone. but louJ enough to be heard by the company. "Tell you what, ould master, it 1‘d a pair of. legs like your’n l'd cut ’em off!" "Now then you old Wulah Hip” ram, you; thJ'ped y.ur dumps." «,uinkm your pace, bawleJ a drover at the fur- bud of the room. Lhe speaker h‘m.elf bei‘lg so thoroughly Webb {hm he could wiLh citiiculty muka himsell uu- dersfcood. The Frenchman was greeted good- bumouredly by several of the com-' pa. y most of whom. hovaer, ezh b t- ed some reserve owing Lo the presence of the lady. This vauished immedi- ately. however, and a fisherman, far gone in ale, rose unsteadin to his feet, and in a jocular strain attem‘plel th_e_ lines, "Says Bouey to Johnny," (£20, The foreigner, still smiling imper- turab.y, ordered a bowl of pu .011 "for his good friwds to drink .he heanth of his only daughter," whom he had brought over to see the country, and who at the remark bestowed a langu.d smile upon the company. The arrival of the foreign lady and gentleman had an effect upon the new waiter. For a moment his slipshod manner seemed to drop from him, and be received the gamrous oner almost with a.acrity_ He took szcuff from both pockets in quick succession, and gave a quick nod of acquiescence; but dropped almost at once into his cus. tomary lisLless manner. and shuffled from the room even more limpdy than before. The glasses were filled, and an elderly packetman. rose to his feet and began to expatiate on the fact that, although he was a Frenchman by birth, Froggy after all :was web a good fellow that some of his ancestors must certainly have gone over from England; when he suddenly stopped, and a thrill ran through the room, for a strange. and powerful Voice, and a voice, moreover. that thrilled with authority, was suddenly uplifted above the words of the toast, Looking down, they saw that the new waiter's elbows rested on the table, and a. pair of long-barrelled pis- tols were levelled from them direcin at the heads of the foreigners. His face was 'completely transformed. as his keenglance rested on the cower- ing pair before him, and was so light- ed up with animation that he was al- most unrecognisable. His figure, too, seemed to dilate. as, without a trace of the \Velsh accent. there rang out the words: "I, William Shane, an officer of Bow Street. call upon all loyal subjects of King George here present to assist me to take into lawful custody the bodies of Jean Colat, who, it. appears, is known here as Froggy. and his accom-u plice, Comte do Bordenave. who are wanted for high treason and for the cold-blooded murder of John Bradley, an officer of Bow StreeL, from whose custody they escaped two months agone." After placing the bowl on the table before the Frenchman, the waiter sat down on a vaant seat at the opposize side of the table; buL the toproom fru- ternity of the "Boathouse" were not wont to stand upon etiquette and the action attracted no attention. This address appeared to be partly given from memory and partly ex- temporised; and long before it was finished several of the company had rushed before the pair. and pinned them firme by the arms. upsetting several glasses in the process. ed as if he spoke .The like :1 Count Th8 latter rose to his feet. and laid his pistols u x the table. adding solemn- ly as he disullyed a se.11ed warrant to New Waiter at Boathouse Inn Frenchman showed his teeth wolf caught in a nap. and the turned ghastly pale. and look- if fascinated at lhe officer as the company for a moment. and drew out a pair of handcuffs: "Ay, poor John Bradley. as true a comrade us ever drew the breath of life. May God have mercy upon his soul !â€"murdered while doing his duty. Mtu a ride he and I had together, and many a time have our barkers spoke out together as the honest lads, highwaymen, stood} at bay in the moonlight; but this is the first time we have been upon the track of a dirty foreigner. I hope it will be the “Gentlemen,” sail Whitehead, rising and sternly buttoning up his coat as ‘he spoke, "we are all friends here now ;â€"leastways ali but twoâ€"and I can do no harm by stating that the secret order sent down here by Captain Monk Lwas to keep a sharp lookout for 'threo flashes and a flash.’ No one ‘seemed to know what it meant, and no doubt the same order has been sent to other ports. Uncle, here, and Jim Bushell were the only ones entrusted with the secret outside our own set, land they've been doing a sort of sen- try-go up and down the river every night since. Now, just before I came lin here Lieu enant toltinghum march- ed up to the "Red Lion’ with over twenty redcoats bound for Dublin 'Castle with to-morrow morning’s l‘packet. “That I have to propose is vthis, that we take these soldiers down the river in our boats at once, get "around the schoonex in the dark, and v serve it like we served the two passen- ! gers.‘ "You pigs of Englishmen I" Froggy broke out as the darbies closed around his wrists with a snap. “Napoleon will eat you up soon." "Not him, indeed!" growled White- head. "You talk like a hu’pennybook wilh no leaves in it. We’ve got a lit- tle one-armed man as’ll warm his on- ions for him if he tries any pig-kill- ing over here." last "As for your Nelson," said the Count in broken English and wiih wither- ing contemptâ€""pooh! bahl" He spat, out bitterly as he'spoke. ‘ ,,A!L_4 urn-t. v..- -...._.. "Now, gentlemen," said the waiter cheerfully, "there’s no profit in hold- ing arguments with dead men, and these are no better," with a slight gesture of his thumb across the table. "I shall need three good stout Park- gate lads to help me with them to Chester. where I shall be granted a proper escort to London; but before I start you shall drink the King’s health in the best bowl of punch that our good host Johnson can brew." He thgtlew a couple of guineas on the a a. At this juncture there was a sudden commotion among the group and ex- clzimdtions of horror. in the midst of which the gigantic figure of Uncle sLaggered into the room. His beard was matted with blood and sea-sand, and a dark blot surrounded a large slash in the bg‘east of his ‘blue shirt. His face was ghastly pale, and as he reeled into the room. and rested heav- ily against a. settle he gasped out, "A drink, mates; for the love of God, a drink] I‘m dying!” A glass of brandy was held to his lips, while a dozen voices asked who had been his asailants. One of the fishermen opened the lat- tice window, and, taking up his glass wiihouL a word awilled its contents on 10 the beach. The remainder followed suit; and the offiuer, pricking up the bowl, step- peil bliskly acreas the room and flung the liquor after the rest. “New, Mr. Johnson." he added brisk- Lhe waiters and guests from the oth- er apartments, thronged the emrame L0 tm: tap‘room, "wash this well out, and brew us a mixture that won’t disgrace the Kings health." "Ask them varminls,” he replied as the neat suisit darted new life through his veins. He pointed to the shrink- ing- captives. "Boys," he continued, addressing the crowd, "there’s a big French schooner loaded down with arms for the Irish put in under Tin- ker’s Dale, and I suspect they were only waiting 101‘ this murderin’ pair before they went on their dirty er- rand to Ireland agen our lawful King â€"â€"God bless himlâ€"for I seed madam theer a-bogin’ at um with the lantern, though I did not think what it meant till she were beating it into my poor ould head! “Three flashes and a flash it were, sure enough, Billy \Vhitehead," he concluded, turning to that individual. “'Three flashes and a flash’ were the last words of poor Jack Bradley, ejaculated Shane. "That the words meant mischief of some kind We knew, but what kind of mischief it was we could not make out." .A hearty cheer broke from the com- pany. The Frenchmen cursed; but in a few moments the crowd moved out, the prisoners closely guarded, and the officers walked in the rear. The handy-legged cstler and host Johnson alone remained. “Well,” ejaculated the former, "I always thought as them Bow Street runners were runners; but blow me if that old gentleman could run for toffee!" “Tnomas,” sagely rejoined mine host, "Master \Veasel isn‘t much of a runner like to speak on; but he dines off Master Hare oftener than thee or me." The whole population of Parkgate, including the strangers within their gates, remained on the quays during the night. In the early hours of morning the sounds of distant mus; ketry, sometimes in the form of an ir- regular rattle, and occasionally in a solid volley, could be heard by the listeners grouped about thv hiayin': fires. By-and-by it ceased, and a young sailor declared than he lu-ard three faint cheers. A few hours later; as the "Royal Prince." coach climbed the steep sum- mi! of {he Boathouse Hill, en route for Liverpool, the driver suddenly mined in his steeds and listen- ed intently: then the "outsides" ed intently: then the "c turned an attentive ear west- ward. and transformed their left hands into the ear-trumpets used by primitive man. Five "insides"â€" three ladies and. two gentlemenâ€"step. pod quickly upon the road and rapid- ly followed their example. Hearty cheers were continuously rolling from end to end of Lhe Perkgute Parade; and in the brief intervals which intervened what seemed like a faint echo floated in from the west- gward. The dawn began to break beyond the distant marshes. and in; the faint light appcared a large SChOOllel' in tow of fully a score of small boats,. rowed by dark figuns with a sprinkling! of red u .iforms with while tacings. Some half-dozen red-coats were drawn up on the deck of the schooner, with their lieuLenam, who later on came out of Waterloo with a musket-ball in his foot and a captaincy; and several manncled figures lay on the! deck near them. One or two more figures there were, who lay even more still, yet were not pinioned. As ths schoowr drew near the quays the shouts of the conquerors and of those who awaited them seem- ed_go bland in one mighty cheer, ' The driver's whip-lash described an hieroglyphic over his head, and dart. ed out with a sharp! snap at the lead- era. "Well." he exclaimed aloud. “they have managed that all right; and the Parkgate lads will have more prize~money than they can spend for a bit!" There has always been an Uncle Mealor at Parkgate, and, to all mp; pearahces, there always will be. The. present Uncle, who related the above as I sat in the stem of his boat, watching his thirty-foot mussel-rake risixg and falling in the vasty deep- at Dawpool, assured me that when his grandfather "coached it up! to Lon. don" Mr. \Villlam shone informed him that he had brought him up to town not so much to give evidence in the treason case as to witness an execuâ€" ti01 at Tyburn in which the central figures were one Jenn Colat and a cer- tail French aristocrat known as Comte de Bol‘denave. As a matier of course. a country so active in the era of discovery must have become possessed of much' ter- ritory, but it is a stralnlgel fact that Portugal has acquired most \of her present colonial possession in the pre. sent century, Twenty years ago she had an area ofl 697,353 square miles in Africa, and 7,160 square miles in Asia, with populations in these continents, respectively, 2,484,034 and 849,553. This year she has in Africa the following colonies: The Cape Verde Islands, with an area of 1,480 square miles and a population of 114,133, Gu.nea, popula- tion, 820,000, and area 4,440 square miles; Princes’ and St. Thomas islands. area 360 square miles, and population 24,060; Angola, area. 484,800 and popula- tion 4.119 000, Portuguese East Africa, area 331,000 square miles and popula- tion 3,120,000; total African possess- ions. area 792,080 square miles, and :population 8,157,790. In Asia her 1colonies are: Goa, in India, area 1,330 lsrqu-ire miles. population 454836; Danao Diu. area 168 square miles, population 77,454; Timor, in the Indian archipel- ‘ago, 7,453 square miles, population 3L0,- 000; Macao, in China, {our square :miles, population 78,017; total Asiatic possessio..s, area 9,0;0, population, 950,- £917. This gives her for a grand total of colonial possessions 830,000 square mile-s and a colonial population of 9,- 148,707. In twenty years she has gained dominion over 96,605 square miles of terrlLoi‘y and 5,015,124: sowis, At the end of the nineteenth cen- tury Portugal finds itself a bankrupt nation, terribly in debt and becoming more so every year. ‘This little strip of a cou.itry lying on the weslern coast of the Spanish. peninsula, has exercised a. great influence in the his- tory of the world. Her explorers were among the first to make their way alo..g American shores, both‘ on the northern and southern continents, Her people were hardy and rugged, lovers of the sea, who in their ven- tures explored far and wide both in the east and in the wide west. Her ships were everywhere and had. much of the carrying trade of: the world. But this time has long gone by and the Portuguese, though still fond of the sea, have lost their hold as the sailors of the world. A Llule Country “'llh I-let-nslvc (‘olonlnl l‘ossonnlous and flu Enormous Burden of "ob!- When it is considered that Per-1 tugatl’s home area is but 36.038 square miles and her population but live mill- ions. it can be seen that by far the largest part of her territory is in her colonies. In fact her colonial DOSSBSSIOst are twenty-two times the area of her little home country. The colonies are ruled much as the Spanish colonies. by governors-general appoint- ed by the crown,‘ who are really al- most absolute rulers. Despite the im- mense amount of territory in her col- onies. the cost of maintaining them more than eats up the revenue which she derives from them. The same is the case a. home and the consequence is tho the state is burdened with an overwhelmi.ig debt. Taxes ran high, so much- so that the 111621 have notice. ably emigrated from the country to escape the heavy drain, The Portuguese are a happy people, howrver. perlnps the jo Lest, merriest POVERTY-STRICKEN PORTUGAL. A H APPY-GOâ€"L UCKY LOT Ypeople 0: Europe. taking their time ‘about everything, little worried, enjoy. lug lite as they go. Ln: their travel lthat this is due to the fact. that the men have so largely railways is looked upon as a frightful .rate of speed, and one little to be -de. sired. They would rather go more slowly. taking in all the beauties of the landscape. Portugal is said to be the most illiterate nation of Eur-Ops. notwith- standing the fact that she has good schools and good School laws. More than 80 per cent. of the population are said to be illiterates. -Yet the Portuguese, are hard workers at times, They can be seen on the streets carry- ing tremendous burdens on their huttdi. Especially is this the case among the women, who also do most of the work on the farms, .[t has been suggested that this is due to the fact that the men have so largely emigrated. The army of mom is raised by'conscription. This force can be raised in war times to an effec- tive fighting strength of 100,000 men. The navy consists of 1 ironclad cor-l vette, 6 corvettes, 14 gunboats, 5moni- tors. 10 sloop gunboats. 2 armored transports and 4 torpedo boats. _ ALWAYS HARD UP. The financial condition of the counâ€" 1try is deplorable. So often and so ‘largely has Portugal been compelled to borrow money that her debt is over her head like the sword of Damocles. For not only has she no way of jl‘aiS- ing money to pay off what debt she has. but she is constantly getting further and further into debt. Time after time has the cabinet been dis-i solved because it has been unable to cope with the financial difficulties. of the nation. In 18:18, the revenue, amounted -to 55,105,878 milreis, one milrei is equal to $1.10. The expendi- tures for the same year were 55,084,â€" 844, a good record for her, and yet that is a pretty close margin, when it is understood that her public debt is what it is, In 1894; the public debt amou ited to 668,205,469 milreis, ex- elusive of the floating debt; of 21,796,- 000 milreis. 0f the debt. 254,639,230 is represented in securities held in foreign countries, chiefly Germany and England, This, then is in reality a great big mortgage on Portugal, which the country is bravely strug- cling to keep from being the millstone that will put her out of business. A WAY OU’D OF TROULLE. One way in which she could pay off some of her debt, perhaps most of it, is to let her colonies go. By granting fights to Germany and Great Britain, she could raise a sufficient amount of money to at least tide her over the biggest part of her trouble, Delagoa bay is of immense strategic importance to all of eastern and southern Africa, and there is no doubt that Great Brit- ain would be willing to pay a big sum for its possessio 1. Germany would likewise be glad to have some of the other African possessions or some of those in Asia, although it is doubtful if the latter would satisfy German de- sire. For several years rumors. nay reports, have been spread abroad every so often of the cession of Portuguese colonies to other countries. Semi-of- ficial denials have, of course, been made, but it is also true that there would be good reason, to prevent an enraged populace and revolutions, for Portugal’s endeavoring to keep the deal as dark as possible until it suited her pleasure to let it become known. It seems to be the only way out of. her present difficulties. other than to shut up- shop. RULES OF ETIQUETTE. Parties wishing to enter the print- ing office at this season should be gov- erned by the following rules: Advance to the inner door and give three dis- tinct raps or kick the door down. The "devil" will attend tothe alarm. You will give him your name, post- ofiice address and the number of years you are owing [or the paper. He will admit you. You will advance to the centre of the room and address the editor with following countersign: Extend the right hand about two feet from the body, with the thumb and fingers extended, the thumb and in- dex finger clasping a $10 bill, which drops into the extended hand of the editor, at the same time saying: "\Vere you looking for me '9" The editor will grasp your hand and the bill and pressing it will say: "You bet l’ After giving him the news conâ€" cerning your locality you will be per- mitted to retire with a receipt for an obligation properly discharged. AN ABSENT-MIND ED PROFESSOR The story is told of a professor of Mathematics who was greatly inter- ested id the work, and devoted him: of so wholly to iL that a. natural ten- dency which he had to absenim'inded- ness became mu:h accentuated. One day when he had guests at dinner, and was helping them Lo fish from a platter, he took a. plate bottom side AL, r n ~- 7 - up. put a fish on the bottom of the plate, and handed it thus to one of the guests. There was a laugh at once, and his wife said, My dear, if your‘ as. sent-mindedness has gone so far that you are serving people food on the bot- toms of plates, I. shall insist on your resigning your professorship. She did insist on it. and he resigned and went into another and more general field of teaching. He is still a little inclined to be forgetful â€" like some of the rest of usâ€"but he has never since served food on the bottom of a plate. The great loss of life incurred by the English troops is mainly attributable to the charges they line had to make across open spices in order to dis. lodga the enemy from the sheltering kopje. In order to minimize the death roll it has been suggested that just before a ch'irge takes place smoke shells should be fired, which would temporarily hide the English soldiers. NE“? USE FOR SMOKE SHELLS THE SERVICES CANADA HAS REN- DERED FULLY APPRECIATED. Canada and England. One or! the most successful business men in Brockville, is Mr. Thoma: Nappy, the well known Perth street g‘trooer. Mr. Nappy is an Englishman. by birth and the Success he has achieved in business here. has enabl- ed him for some years past to make an annual holiday trip to the Motherland. In a casual conversation with som friends in the Bank of Liontreml, re- cently, Dr. Williams‘ Pink Pills hap- pened to be mentioned and Mr. Napâ€" pry said that if the pills effected many auras as marvellous as one that had come under his notice, he was not sur- prised that they were so frequently the theme of conversation. Asked lat- er by a reporter of the Recorder to give the story, Mr. Nappy readily eon- sented: to do. so, and we give it pmo- tically in his own words. “Don't be disappointed when I tell you’thet the cure did not occur in this country," said Mr. Nappy. “As a mutterofifaot it! occu:rred in England, and came un- der]- my observation on the occasion of two visits made to that country. Duh- lng the summer of 1898 I paid avia- it to my old home in England, and while there visited Willlam Ledger. a relation of mine, living at 45 Fitzwilâ€" liam street, Donenster, In Ledger's family was a little girl, Lilly, about six years of age who was sbsoluteli helpless with what the doctors sal was St. Vitus‘ dance, but really seem- ed to me more like paralysis. This child wns one of the most pitiful sights I ever saw; more helpless than a new born babe. She could not move a single limb and if the head were turned to one side or the other it remained in that position until someone changed it The poor child had to be fed and looked after like an infant. and as the doctors had not been able to dd In January, 1942, a British army on 4,500, with about 12,003 camp follow- ers. was completely destroyed by the Afghans upon the retreat from Cs.- bul. But: one Englishman, Dr. Bry- don, reached the British garrison at ‘Jelalabad, to tell the tale of the aw- iful disaster. Nevertheless, beforetho 'end of September in the same year, !an avenginzz British army had cap- Itureu' Cabul and inflicted severe pun- flshment upon the Afghans. * During the Indian Mutiny in 1857 the British garrison .at annpore, numbering 400, was massacred, with over 200 women and chiltiren. In the first day’s assault of the British on Delhi in that year they lost sixty-six officers and 1,100 men. This was nearly a third of the attacking force, while the assault had only resulted in lthe capture of oneâ€"sixth of the city. ‘Yet another attempt to take the city a few days later was suc- "up. Dr. Williams‘ Pink: PilH are jush as val'u {bl-'9 in the case of children as with adults. and puny little ones would soon thrive and grow fat uno (let this treatment, which’ has n3 ucl. Lula ‘.u....‘..v~_, V _ equal for building up the blood nnd giving renewed strength to brnin, body and nerves. Sold by #1] dealers ore sent' pogt paid: at 500.. a be": or six I'DO'xeS‘ for $2.50, by' addressing the Dr. \Villiams’ Medif‘ine 00., Brockvilla, Ont. Do not be persuaded to try something else said to‘ be "just as good." the city a few days later was. suc- cesstul. In the Crimea-in War a blunder of someone caused ihe fruitless charge of the Lighi Brigade upon the Russian guns, from which only 198 out of 607 cavalrymen returned. The British also twicefuile-J in attempts to take the Redan in front of Sebastopol, Nevertheless. Sebastoxol was taken. On July 2’7, 1880, 7?0 British soldiers ani three native Indian ri-giments. a total of 2,503. were routed at Kushk- i-Nak-hub, Afghanistan, with a loss of 1,100 and two guns. but ample revenge was shortly secured by Lord Roberts. If I say, said the teacher, the pupil loves his teacher, what sort of asen- tenoe is that? z Prominent llrool-vllle Baum-M Mam Fun A Trlbnlo lo the Good “‘nrk of a (‘nnnlllnn lnslllnllon In l-anlnnd. garcastic, said the boy. NEARLY AL‘VAYS TRUE BRITAIN MO URNED. the Brookville Recorder.