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SOME UUURTE BUS RETDRTS 'CLEVER COMPLIMENTS ON THE SPUR OF THE MO- MENT. 53971 King Edward VII. is a. Past Mas- ter in the Art â€"A Scotch Minister‘s Reply. There are probably few men living who can fashion a, compliment or frame a. happy retort with more skill than King Edward VII.; or, when occasion demands it, can more effectually crush rudeness or preâ€" snmption. Only a few weeks ago, when a.‘ beautiful young countess inadvert- ently interrupted the King when he was speaking and apologized with blushes and confusion, the King, with a low bow, bade her continue. saying, with a. smile, “When Lady -â€" speaks Kings may count it u. privilege to be silent." On another occasion, when a pretâ€" ty young debutante, the daughter of one of his oldest friends, was deâ€" ploring the fact that the sun would not make his appearance, the Prince, as he then was, smilineg answered, “Ah! you see, Miss â€", the sun is very human after all. He cannot, brook a rival." This reminds one of perhaps the most charming compliment ever paid by a. man to beauty. In the old days, when it was customary for Scottish ministers to bow to the chief members of the congregations as they entered the church, Dr. Wightman, of Kirkmnhee, omitted one morning to notice the entry of Miss Miller, the daughter of his chief parishioner. When the young lady reminded him playfully of his oversight the courteous old man re- plied, “I beg your pardon, I am sure; but surely Miss Miller knows that angelâ€"worship is not permitted by the Church/pi Scotland." V‘For promptfness and cleverness it is doubtful whether Dr. Wilberforce’s retort to Lord Palmerston HAS EVER BEEN BEATEN. ‘It, may be remembered that when the famous Bishop and Lord Palmerston were guests in a. country house Dr. Wilberforce elected to walk to church, leaving the statesman and other guests to drive in a. closed carâ€" riage, as they feared the rain. When the carriage overtook the pedestrian, who was, at the time, trudging through the heavy rain, Lord Palmerston put his head out of the window and shouted to “Soapy Sam " :â€" "How blest. is he who ne'er consents sits Where men profanely talk.” Lord BraxfiekL a Scotfish judge famous for his Wit in retort, was very much annoyed one day, when presiding over the Court. of Session, at thefaflure of one of his brother judges to appear. 'WVhat on earth can be keeping the naan ?” he queruâ€" lously asked of a. fellowâ€"judge. “IIaven’t you heard,” the judge an: swercd, “that Stonefiek] has lost his wife?” "Has he, indeed? " an- swered Braxfield. “That’s a very gude excuse,indeed; and I Wifll we had a.’ the same." By ill advice to Walk” ; to which the Bishop promptly anâ€" swered :â€" ' “Nor stands in sinners’ Ways, nor In much humbler circles the temp- tation to make an effective retort proves equally irresistible. Not long ago the following advertise- ment appeared in a Yorkshire pa- per :â€" I, Thomas Green. hereby declare that I will no longer be responsible for the debts of my wife, Elizabeth Green. On the following day appeared this significant, retort in the same col- umn of the same paper : â€"â€" I, Elizabeth Green, hereby declare that, 1 am quite able to pay my own debts, now that I have got shot of Tommy. of comicâ€"opera fame, has a. deserved reputation for witty retort. Once when he was supervising the rehear- sal of "Brantingham Hall" at the St. Jumes’s Theatre, one of the ac- tresses who had to make a hurried entrance, saying, "Stay, let me speak,” would persist in exclaiming: “Stay, stay! let. me speak.” After Mr. Gilbert. was weary of correcting her he lost. patience and 'said: "No, Miss â€", you must not, say that; it, isn't ’stay, stay,’ but. simply 'stay’â€"one 'stay' you know, ‘not a. pair of stays." "The answer that turneth away wrath" was never better exemplified than by a. French Abbe who had of- fended Conde, and sought an inter- ‘view to make his peace with the great. man. When Conde saw the Abbe he rudely turned his back on him. "Thank God," the Abbe said, :“that. your Highness does not at, all consider me an enemy." . “What makes you think that, M. Abbe? ” the Prince asked, in surâ€" prise. What could Conde do but. take the rplomatic Abbe into favor again ? “Because, your Highness,” the Abbe artfully answered, “no one would ever accuse you of turning vour back on an enemy.” Physician (lunatic agylum)-â€"'Mrs. Sharptongue was here toâ€"day, and wanted her husband sent home and placed under her care. Superintend- entâ€"Did you let him go ‘? Physician â€"No. He said he would rather stay here. Superintendentâ€"Hum ! The mu must, re sane. MR. W. S. GILBERT. The entellus monkey is the most sacred of all in India. It is gray above and nutty brown below. long- legged and active, a thief and an imâ€" pndcnt robber. In one of the Indian cities they became such a nuisance that the faithful determined to catch and send away some hundreds. This was done, and the holy monkeys were deported in covered carts and releasâ€" ed many miles off. But the monkeys were too clever. Having thoroughly enjoyed their ride, they all refused to part with the carts, and. hopping and grimacing, came leaping all the‘ way back beside them to the city, lgratefiul for their outing. One city obtained leave to kill the monkeys; but the next city then sued them for “killing their deceased ancestors." 'In these monkey-infested cities, if one man wishes to spite another he1 throws a few handfuls of rice on the roof of his house about, the rainy season. The monkeys come, find the rice, and quietly lift ofi many of the tiles and throw them away, seeking more rice in the interstices. The only mammals which thor- oughly understand combination for defence as well as attack are the ba- lboons, but Brehm, the German tra- veller, gives a charming story of gen- uine courage and selfâ€"sacrifice shown .by one. His hunting dogs gave chase to a troop which was retreating to some cliffs and gave chase to a very young onel which ran up on to a. reel-f, only ljust out of reach of the dogs. An old male baboon saw this and came ,alone to the rescue. Slowly and deâ€" Sozodont Liquid 25:: Large Liquid and Powder 754: All stores or by mail {or the price. Sample (or postage 3c. Tooth Powder India's Sacred Simians, Wise Ba- boons and an Intelligent Chimpanzee. Sozcdcnfi Good for Bad Teeth Not Bad for Good Teeth St. Magloire, Que., Sept. 30.â€" (Special)â€"â€"The following letter was Written by a well-known and highly respected lady of this place, being a. copy of the original sent. to the Dodd’s Medicine Company, of To- ronto . “When I wrote you for some Dodd’s Kidney Pills I was so disr- couraged that I had no hope of beâ€" ing able to find any remedy to save my life. I suflered with Bright’s Disease, Heart. Disease and Rheumaâ€" tism, and I was much bloated also with Dropsy. I was so feeble that I was unable to do anything. I sull'ered for sixteen years with Rheu- matism. There were two years and a half that I suffered with Bright’s Disease. I have tried all the reme- dies in the world and always grew worse and worse. A PLAIN STRAIGHT- FURWARD LETTER MRS. LOUIS BROVOSTS PUB- LISHES WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT DODD’S KIDNEY PILLS. “There was one time when for three months I abandoned all my remedies and resolved to let myself die without taking any medicine. I received by chance one of your al- manacs and a papmr. I read them and I decided to Write you and try again with your remedy. "Great was my surprise at the good that Dodd’s Kidney Pills gave me with the first box you sent. I took them and my health was great- ly improved. Since then I have taken twenty boxw. I am cured of my Bright's Disease. my Heart Disâ€" ease and my Rheumatism. I have still two boxes to take and by the time I have finished them I shall be in perfect health. I will permit you to publish this letter with pleasure. and I hope later to give you farts of my recovery more completely than at present. I am still weak. but. with time I shall be as strong as ever. I recommend Dodd's Kid- ney Pills to all who sufler with any lof the diseases that I did." open space, and, stamping his hands on the ground, showing his teeth, and backed by the furious barks of the rest of the baboons, he discern certed and cowed these savage dogs, climbed on to the rock, picked up the baby and carried him back safely. 1! the dogs had attacker] the old pat- rim‘ch his tribe would probably have helped him. Bu-rchell, the naturalist after whom Burchell’s zebra is namâ€" ed, let. his dogs chase a troop. The baboons turned on them. killed one ‘on the spot by biting through the . a, young librarian refused a. ver3 llbel'ately he descended. cressed thelcellent post, at a, certain public Convincing Piece of Evidence as to the Wonderful Power of this Remedyâ€"Bright’s Disease, Heart Disease and Rheumatism Each Afflicted Mrs. Brovostsâ€"Dodd’s Kidney Pills Positively Cured Her. HALL & RUCKEL, MONTREAL MONKEY STORIES. *se savage dogs, k, picked up the 1 back safely. 1! ed the old pat~ d probably have I, the naturalist s zebra is namâ€" e a troop. The :hcm. killed one ing through the guag'eâ€"a degree fully equal to that presented by an infant a few months before emerging from infancy, and therefore higher than that which is presented by any brute, so far, at least. as I have evidence to show. She was taught to count by means of picking up straws and being re- warded, when the correct number asked for had been given, with a piece of fruit, Sally rarely made mistakes up to five; but above five and up to ten. to which one of the keepers endeavored to advance her education, the result is uncertain. It is evident that she understands the words seven, eight. nine and ten to betoken numbers higher than those below them”. When she was asked for any number over six she always gave Isome number over six and under ten. She sometimes doubled over a straw to make it present two ends, and was 1supposed thus to hasten the attainâ€" 'ment of her task. ' great blood vessels of the neck and laid bare the ribs of another. The Cape Dutch in the aid Colony Would rath- er let. their dogs bait a lion than a. troop of baboons. The rescue of the infant: chacma, which Brehm saw himself. is a remarkable, and, indeed, the most. ineontestuble instance of the exhibition of courage and selfâ€" sacrifice by a male animal. troop ot Daooons. The rescue of the infant chacma, which Brehm saw himself, is a. remarkable, and, indeed, the most incontestable instance of the exhibition of courage and selfâ€" sacrifice by a male animal. Any account; of chimpanzees would be incomplete without a. reference to Sally, who lived in the London Zoo for over six years. learned to count perfectly up to six and less perfectly to ten; she could also distinguish white from any other color, but if other colors were presented her she failed, apparently from color-blinded- ne‘ss. Of this ape the late Dr. G. J. Ronmnes wrote with somethingr more than the enthusiasm of a clever man pursuing a favorite theme. "Her intelligence was conspicuous- ly displayed by the remarkable de- gree in which she was able to under- stand the meaning of spoken lan- fiSTHMfl FQR SEVEWEEN YEfifié‘é A c. T. R. Employee Glues Unmistakablq Evidence That Clarke's Kola Oom- pound Will Cure Asthma. It seems rather funny that people in this enlightened age should allow themselves U: go on suffering year after year from Asthma when a. permanent cure is within the reach of ewnufi’trea Brilliant Offers Declined For Strange Reasons. It is not often the case that a man will refuse to accept a remunerative and facile appointment abroad mere- ly because of a violent aversion to mosquitoes, yet such was the reason put forward in all seriousness by a. young English engineer for declining a. position in Bombay. He averred that his dread of these tiny pests amounted to a positive monomania, and that he would rather abandon the most brilliant prospects than face the insects in question. Mr. Robert Crow. G. RR. (mployo. Elmdale. Ont. writesr-J'For seventeen years I hnve been more or less troubled with Asthma. an during the last five years have not had a. £11: night/s sleep. I tried every known rmnedy. and three doctors in Barrie. with no benefit. Finallv Mr. W. J. McGuire, druggiat. of Elm~ dale. Our". recommended Marie’s Kola. Com. pound. Itook in all seven bott‘es. and am now completely cured. During the last. year. since takinz the Compound, have not had tho least". symptom of Asthma. My health in every way has improved. and have gained much in weight. I heart,in recommend Clarke's Koln Compound to every sufferer from thig dyeadeq dieeasg." Absurd as the foregoing case may appear it is no more ludicrous than the case of a young governess who actually refused a. very excellent sit- uation in the family of a nobleman simply because her Radical views would not allow her to accept in- crement from a hereditary landlord. One would have thought that her political views might have been susâ€" tained without, injury whilst teach- ing little children to read and write, but evidently the lady thought oth- erwise, and the brilliant oller was unlmnitntinalv declined. Clarke's Kola. Compound has cured over 2,000 eases oi Asthma. in Cam uda. alone. Sold by all druggists, 82.00 per bottle. Sample bottle and book on Asthma mailed free, cnclosa 10 cents for cost of mailing. Ad- dress The G. and M. 00., Limited, 121 Church street, Toronto._ Mr. W. J. McGuxro. druggist. writeszâ€"‘l am well acquainted with Mr. Crow. and can vouch for the truth of the above statement. (Signed), W. J. McGuire. Elmdalo. Ont. unhesitatingly declined. Another young woman of eccentric views refused to accept a remuneraâ€" tive berth as private secretary to a. wellâ€"known public man because the gentleman in question possessed red hair. She declared that her aversion to persons thus adorned was too great to be overcome, and that noâ€" thing but starvation would Compel her to undertake work which would bring her in contact with a. man of fiery locks. Perhaps some other rea- son underlay her ridiculous behav- ior, but, at any rate, the motive named was put forward apparently with every sign of veraciousness. ior, but, at a. named was put with every sign ONLY THE OTHER DAY E CCENTRIC VIEWS. $1Vcwfl’4 W/ie/a Wwfiie/W bmry on account of the fact that the institution in question contained the works of an author to Whom he had a. very strong objection on prin- ciple. Perhaps some persons would admire this Quixotic behavior. but the absurdity of it must be obvious to all who reflect that his accept- once or refusal would not allect the issue of the books concerned. Rather foolish also was the con- duct. of a middleâ€"aged Frenchman who some years ago declined 21 very remunerative position in a German firm in London because of his enmi- ty to the nation to which the partâ€" ners belonged. He stated that to accept, payment from the former en- emies of his country would be un- patriotic and improper, and he ad- hered to this queer line of thought with steadfast persistence. When one comes to consider how rare good situations are in these times the Conduct of this gentleman appears all the more absurd. Perhaps. however, the most extra- ordinary reason on record for de- clining a brilliant oll'er was that put forward by a. young lady who had been wooed by a very wealthy and altogether attractive suitor rejoicing in the somewhat inelegant name of Pigge. She stated that she liked the gentleman very well indeed, but that she could not accept, his proposâ€" yal of marriage unless he changed his lname. The suitor naturally declined ‘to do anything or the sort, Where- upon he was at once dismissed, and the foolish girl lost an excellent and wealthy husband by reason of her foolish prejudice. if YOU Wan bmt§3#§3,{ry€3§.¥§f1L1-nv. pm; The Dawson Commassmn Co. Cheerfulness is riches. Oh, no ; if you can’t pay a bill, ,being cheerful about it only makes lthe other man madder. Messrs. C. C. RICHARDS & Co Gentlememâ€"I fell from a bringe leading from a. platform to a. loaded car while assisting my men in un- loading a load of grain. The bridge went down as well as the load on my back, and I struck on the ends of the sleepers, causing a. serious injury to my leg. Only for its being very fleshy, would have broken it. In an hour could not Walk a step. Coma menced using MINARD’S LINIMEN’D and the third day Went to Montreal on business and got about well by the use of a cane. In ten days was nearly Well. I can sincerely recom< mend it as the best Liniment that I know of in use. An old Yorkshire farmer was walk- ing out one day, looking very glum and miserable. He was a. typical Yorkshireman, and he dearly loved a joke ; but jokes seemed ‘a long way 011‘ just then, and the old man was thinking deeply, when he was accost- ed by a trump, who made the usual request for a. night‘s lodgings and something to eat, as he explained he had had nothing for two whole days. The en'ect upon the farmer when he said this was magical. Why, man, he said, I've been look- inf,r for you all day. And then, without more udo, he knocked him down and Walked on him from one end to the other. The ernp got up looking very staggerâ€" ed, and asked him why he had done that}. Well, said he, my doctor has order- ed me to Walk on an empty stomach and now that I have fulfilled his injunction 1 can go and have a good feed, and you can come with me. And he led the tramp off. by local applications, as they cannot; reach the dison-sed portion of the car. There is only one way by cum deafness, and that i9 by constitu tional remedies. Deafness ii (mused b an inflamed condiiion of the mucous lining o the Eustachian Tube. When ibis tube is: ina flamcd you have arumbling sound crimpcr fee: hearing. and whenlc is ent’rely closed deafness is the result. and unles: Lhe inflam. mation can be take u out and this tube restored to its normal condition, hearing will be de- stroyed forever; nine cases out; or ten are cnueed by catnrrh. which is nothing but an in- flamed cgnditiori oi the m‘ucous surface . . 1\A.‘,,n. A _ . _ _ _ uuuuu. y...n..-..... -- ..__ We will give One Huiifiéd Dollars for any case of Deafness (caused by entan'h) that can not be crurcd>by Hall's Catarrb Cure. Send Lady (Lo servant whom she is about to engage)â€"â€"Tllose are my con- ditions : do they suit you ‘2 Ser- vantâ€"Il'm. I'll see. I always take To'r'ciriclilarsugre} ladies on trial Sold by Drugglsts. 750. Hall's Family Pills are the best. filinm‘d's Liniment Cures Diphtheria. ILLrTIMED PLEASANTNESS Wéd :71 CEYLON TEA BUT ONCE to (all in with the popular idea that. it In tho forommb teaon the murkeo. Put up In Lead Packages, 25. 30. 4o. 50 and no Gents. FALL 11" ! It is necessary to use D68 Stanstead Junction, P.Q amass Cannot be Cu red OBEYED ORDERS 'fi'ifiT'CHENEY s: 00., Toledo, 0. Yours C. HIGORDON 12th Aug, 1893 truly, :, 'PoULTnY. Anus: otbarrfllul'fgjfld EFODUOI, cg GENTSâ€"IF YOU WANT A LINE 0! fast-selling goods [hub give you over halt profit. and sell in ovary house. write us. The F. E. Ram 00.. 132 Victoria street. Toronto. Murtyred Prosident,’ also our new "Juven- ilee." Family szles. Albums, (to. Our price: are low and our terms extra. liberal. A free prospectus if you mean business. or write for cirrulars and tevms. William Briggs. Meant» dist. Book and Publishing House. Toronto. Ont. GENTS WANTED FOR OUR NEW "_I:ife_ol_' “fillimu McKKnlpy. The WifehThcre’s a. burglar down in the cellar, Henry. Husbandâ€"Well. my dear we ought. to be thankful that we are upstairs. Wifeâ€"But he’ll come upstairs. Husbandâ€"Then we'll go down into the cellar, my dear. Surely a ten-roomed house ought to be big enough to hold three people without crowding ? Every man in the Gei‘man army must, learn to swim. Two young men were having a. heated argument over a. problem which needed a. great deal of mental calculation. I tell you. said one. that you are entirely wrong. But, I am not. said the other. Didn’t I go to school, stupid ? almost roared his opponent. Yes, was the calm reply; and you came back stupid. That. ended it. Biiuzu'd's Linimcnt Cures Distemper. Mlnum's llnimenl sures GUIIJBI H1 GOWS. The Duke of Sutherland, with 1,- 358,000 acres, is the largest land- owner in Great, Britain. Next comes Lord Middreton, with 1,006,000 acres. The Marquis of Breadalbane has 438,000 acres. MM. Wmsmw’s Soorumo SYRUP bu been used by milllnnl 01 mothers far their children while teething. Itloothe: the child. cottens the guma. nlmyn pain. cum. wind wllc. regulatel the Stomach and bowels, um! 1: Lb best. remedy {or Diarrhazn. Twenty-five can“ u ham. Sold by druzgista throughout the world. Be lure I“ In {or " Mas. Wmsnow'a Sootmxo Sunk." In the chief room of every Japan- ese house there is a slightly raised dais, which is arranged so that it can be shut off from the rest, of the room. This is a. place for the Em- peror to sit should he ever visit that home. Minard's Liniment Cures Colds, etc. Bominion Line {steamshipa Konu’ul Liverpool. Boston to Liver- pool. Port uni to Livaool. Vin Queens- town Luna and Fat Steamhlm. flu rlor accommodnl for All classes a! palsnngen. 8a oou Ind Staten are Imldflhlpfl. pecill utLention hu bed: "a 1» Bound 831mm and Third-Class wcnmno Mien. FD mu of pan-we and “1 panlculln. Apply to Any mm of the Compsny. u 500111natrélluns. mailed free. Write n9 (0‘ thing in flush: or “union! lnnrumenl'. EVERY TOWN CAN HAVE A BAH WHALEY 1mm 35 00.. Limited, METAL RflfiFEfiS Bichnrda. Mill: h 00. D. Tornncn & 00.. 17 mm. 8‘. Bolton. Mantras! and Ponhnl GALVERT’S CARBOLIC CENTMENT. For all skin ailments. a. G. Osman & 60., Manchester. Englmd A SEAT FOR THE EMPEROR Instruments, Drums, Uniforms, Etc Dowoso prices over noted. Fine catalogue )illuatralhns, mama tree. Write as for any Toronto, Out... and Winnipeg, Man AGENTS WANTED. For Over v'llty Years leltod Our. West Market M Coiboruo 80.. Toronto. Doug!“ Bros.. 12‘} Adelaldo 8b.! 'l'onux'ra, ONT. . 1096