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The odds are in our favor that you need letterheads, envelopes, statements or one or more of the other items listed here. Call 9 today. A representative will be delighted to call on you. per per per cwt cwt cwt 75c. 85c. 90c. 50c. 60c. 10c. When Benny Bayle and Bill Mad- den appear in a picture, husbands throw down the evening paper, wives leave their dishes in the sink, Junior swears he has done tomorrow’s les- sons in study hall, Sister tells the boy friend exactly what she would like to do that night and all go to their neighborhood theatre for a good hearty laugh. When Benn'y and Bill come on the radio, all household activities cease. The service garageman gives you eleven instead of ten gallons of gas. The bartender stands poised with a glass of beer halfway between the tap and the customer. The pool shark holds his shot while he and the sucker listen. Benny and Bill are on the air. Prepare to hold Your sides. And back in the old days when vaudeville was alive, they were one of its most dependable shots in the arm. At the Palace, they made their professional audiences roll in the aisles. For twenty years now, they have been dishing out humor, most of it slapstick, some of it refined, all of it sure fire. That persistent rumor that they have split up isn’t true. It isn’t true any more. It was true for about five weeks. In that period, either would have told you that each had said- and done things unforgiv- able. The breach thus opened up never could be healed. Benny and Bill had definitely parted. They would never work together again. Benny, at that time, announced that he was working out a refined comâ€" edy act with Miss Nina Melchor. Bill was doing the same with slapâ€" stick. Miss Betty Day was his foil, just as she had been his inspiratiOn. Both publicly wished the other “all the luck in. the world” with the raucous sentimentalism which feaâ€" tures the theatre. Each privately was sure that the other would be a flop. Each knew that he was the particular one who had furnished the spark which set audiences alight. 'If he ever had any doubts of it, he Telephone 9 THE LIBERAL, RICHMOND HILL, ONTARIO was always, being reaSSu‘red by Miss Nina Melchor and Miss Betty Day, his partner. What Nina and Betty thought of each other cannot be dis- cussed here. Each explained fully in language fit to be heard only in a beauty parlor. During that engagement they ate at Joe’s restaurant near the tracks. It was known locally as “The Greasy Spoon." It would have been nearer the truth to call it “The Dirty Spoon.” They met over a plate of eggs that had lingered too long be- tween the hens and the customers. Hill had drawn it. Benny, sitting near him, had twisted his nose and rumbled . They smoked a cigarette tOgethel‘. ‘ They got to talking betWeen sh0ws. That night Bill went up to Benny’s room where they finished a pint of gin they had chipped in to buy. “Mr. Madden,” Benny declared, “I been thinking. I been thinking that a couple of guys like you and me ‘might make good as a team. I’d play straight and feed you the lines. You will pardon me for saying 50' .but I don’t think you and me’s very good alone. I mean we’re good but ‘the audiences are too dumb 'to ap- preciate us. But if we were to get together, then we’d! ought to- knock Ithem cold. The public like comedy ‘teams. Look at Harrigan and Hart, Montgomery and Stone in the old days. Look at Wheeler and Woolsey and Laurel and. Hardy today. Peo- ple like them combinations.” “Listen, Benny,” Bill said, “to heck with that “Mister’ stuff. And I think you got an idea there. I think you and me could be pretty funny togethâ€" ,er. But where would we get our , lines?" “What,” Billy agreed, “did I ever do to them hens?” They looked at each other. “I’ve been watching you act this week," Benny lied. “Your pratt falls can’t be beat.” ‘ “Thanks,” Bill said. “And I like your jokes. They’re deep and re- fined. They're too good‘ for these hay-shakers. They’d go swell on the Big»: Time.” Thus both were convinced that the other was an intelligent man. “Them eggs would go better as an ointment than something to swal- low.” “I know it ain’t,” Benny explain- ed quickly. “I’m just giving you an idea that you got to change the old Miller jokes. But, another thing I found out. It ain’t the lines you say- alone that -makes the comedy. It’s the way they’re said and the way the boys act about them. What say you and me try it out?” They happened to be booked to- gether along the eight-a-day circuit for three weeks and they got a “Joe Miller Joke Book” and worked out their routine. Looking back at it, they often laughed, because it was pretty bad. But it was good enough to send them steadily up the vaude- ville ladder un’qil eventually they reached the Palace, headlined as “Benny and Bill.” They had arrived. When vaudeville died they did not suffer much grief. They were al- ready on the radio and wowing mill- ions, when before they had exhilar- ated only hundreds. They were aâ€" mong the first seven comedy teams in the country. And then they went in the country. And then they went to Hollywood. Looking back at their joint career now, both Benny and! Bil-1 will tell you that the total absence of wo- men in their lives was the secret of their success. That may or may not be true. Certainly, women were ab- Not that they didn’t see plenty of them and form friendships with many. They “liked the ladies” as they often laughineg admitted, but not seriously. Women were diver- sions. They stirred them physical~ ‘ly and emotionally. The lives, of Benny and Bill would have been written as a serial featur'ng one wo- man after the other. Eor each would find himself smitten for a time. He would spend his spare moments and plenty of his money on a blonde, a brunette or a re‘d-head who sympa- thized‘ with him, laughed at him and told him how great he was. “I been thinking that one out too,” Benny admitted and right there he became the intellect of the team. “We’ll get ’em out of ‘Joe Miller's Joke Book.’ That‘s where every oth- er comedian gets them. That b00k has every joke that was ever made. Only, when you use them, you got sent to change them around a little and bring them up to date. For instance, you know that one about ‘Who was that lady I saw you with last night? ‘That wasn’t a lady. That was/my wife.’ Well, you’d‘ have to twist that some way, like ‘I didn’t know you was so near-sighted. That was- n’t my wife, it was yours,’ see?” “I don’t think that’s so hot," Bill said frankly. But one after another these emo- tional friends bored them and were dismissed. Some, it is true, created trouble. One or two sued and one, at least, collected $5,000 (she sued for $50,000) for proven breachâ€"of- promise from Benny. But women were not a factor in the team of Benny and Bill. Benny and Bill. They were not in Hollywood a month however, before the long de- layed lightning hit them both. Ben- ny fell in love with Nina Melchor. She was one of the most beauteous extras on the Paramount lot, a girl with a driving ambition and a flare for dramatic acting. Nina was not like her name. She was tall, blonde and shapely. At the same moment, Bill went for a Miss Betty Day, an intelligent who ran a book-shop. Neither thought anything of this new development. It was just an: other one of those things. More They were noticeably cool to each other when they returned together to their hotel after taking the girls home. The coolness froze quickly into ice when Benny said. “Nina didn’t seem to go for Betty, did she, Bill?” and Bill said. “No, and why should she? A flathead always dis- likes another woman with brains.” From now on, they saw the girls alone. There were no more fourâ€" somes. And after a while, they acâ€" cepted the fact that the two women they had chosen didn’t like each oth- er and they were a little apologetic. “You know how women are,” they said. “We can’t let it interfere with our work." intense, perhaps, but that was be- cause they were getting older and more sensible. For the first time in their lives, each was thinking that it might be nice to have a. wife to go home to instead of a hotelr room or a bachelor’s quarters. They admitted this to each other on the occasion of Bill’s suggesting that the four ought to go out more together, especially as the picture, “Take It or Leave It” on which they were working, was a pretty strenu- ous affair. That night, Nina and Betty met at the Trocadero. They did not sound. Even Bill and Benny became a- ware of this before ten minutes had elapsed and they glared at each oth- er, subsequently blaming the other for choosing the kind of a dame who co‘uidn’t appreciate the woman he had picked. But it did interfere with their work. One day, Betty said she would like to look at the Script of “Take It or Leave It,” and Bill, after a great deal of trouble, got one from the assistant director. She read it over and sniffed. “I wondered,” she said softlry, “Why that B-ayle man got the same money as you. I see now. He arranges it so that he gets all the laughs.” Bill knew right away that the sugâ€" gestion was not Benny's but Nina’s. “I can’t help it if a big blonde cluck don’t get my comedy,” he said. “Is it my fault if some people were born without a brain?" From then on, they talked only on the set and only from the script. Finished, they departed their sevâ€" eral ways. Benny in the third week of shooting, demanded that his dressâ€" ing room be moved far away from Bill's. Bill countered by suggesting that they break up their act. The director, Jimmy Wells, told- them This wasn't true, at all. Benny was very faithful about pointing the laughs for Bill. He was one of the best straight men in the business. But Bill, like many another good man before him, believed the woman he loved. He began to sulk about it. The sulking grew into open war- fare one day when Benny said: “Bill, I don’t want to seem like telling you your own business but I think you speak your lines too crude. You are more like a burlicue comedian than a top comedy man. Why don't you get more finesse into them?” G. Yerex MARK HA M ROAD RICHMOND HILL like each other on sight or « NEWAPEX SPIRAL DASHER Try this already-famous NewApex,andsaueclothes and time. It costs no more than ordinary washers. bitterly that they didn’t have a: break up their act, because the pi:- ture was doing it for them. Thy were lousy. That gave them something to think about. Both issued statement! that they were breaking up but b‘ Eh thought of the twenty years they. had been together and the year: be- fore that. The difference was in- pressive. Before they were a couph: of hams. After, when. they were tm gether, they were tops. Both reachefi the same conclusion at the same mo- ment and they were on their way to find each other when they met in the lobby. “Benny,” Bill said, “you know what’s the matter with us? It’s thosb dames. We’re taking them too seriâ€" :1 Gus. “You are,” Benny corrected. “I‘ve canned mine already.” “I'll be right back,” Bill said, turning and hurrying away. That ended the split-up. They are back together again. Betty and Nina? They are both suing fur breach of promise. They have goat! lawyers, too. 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